me, my boyfriend, and alcohol

[ice-lolly]

My boyfriend and I are..having some conflicting problems.

I (a girl) recently turned legal this month (19) so my friends invited me to go have a few drinks with them to celebrate. However, my boyfriend (of over 4 years, also 19) does not like me drinking - at all. He's a very reserved type; he doesn't enjoy drinking/smoking/partying etc and thinks drinking is really stupid and has no point. So whenever I have been going out with friends late at night (around 10-11ish pm) and coming home later (around 2ish am) he gets really upset at me (I've done this twice so far). He particularly does not approve the consumption of alcohol because his family has had some negative history associated with alcohol. I knew this but I did not think that he would act so aggressively (verbally and emotionally) about it.

Before I used to think that I should do whatever keeps him happy whether it makes me happy or not because he is my boyfriend and I love him. But then I learned that that's not really right..because I should be happy as well. I hate the feeling of being controlled and restrained and not getting to make my own decisions in my own life..especially because he's not supposed to be my father.

He assumes and mentions all the time that I'm going to get drunk and get raped. But I have no intentions of getting wasted just because I go have a drink with some friends. I simply enjoy just being with my friends. He especially doesn't like the friends I go out with simply because he does not know them and believes them to be a "bad influence" when I know they are truly not like that (the only thing he doesn't like about them is they drink and they invite me).

He said some really awful things to me so now I'm a little bit scared of him...not that he would ever become physically violent. But now he keeps sending me a lot of guilt-trip-text-messages where he's telling me he's and dying and so on. He keeps on accusing me of not loving him, lying to him, etc.

What should I do? I want to do what he wants me to but I would be doing it for him only and not really happy about it myself. Everytime we talk about we just end up fighting. All he ever talks about is how I'm going to get drunk and get raped. He doesn't seem to understand that simply drinking does not necessarily mean getting completely hammered. Help?

Sorry this was long >.<..thank-you for reading <3 (ANY input appreciated!)

[misombra]

dump him.
________

[King Zarathu]

dump him.

Easier said than done, which is why my advice is better:






Dump him.

[ice-lolly]

Thanks everyone for your input. I'll think about it...I really appreciate it, thanks!

[Sami09]

This is for sure a hard decision. Its either go out sometimes with your friends and drink or be with your bf. I am not sure if both can happen because your bf is really aganist alcohol i am pretty sure he wouldnt ever want to go out with you and your friends to see what it really like. I think you should talk to him and explain that you are young and see if someway he can understand.

[Gigabitch]

The guy is entitled to his own opinions about all kinds of things, and his concern about you is clear, but this is the part that makes me nervous:

He said some really awful things to me so now I'm a little bit scared of him...not that he would ever become physically violent. But now he keeps sending me a lot of guilt-trip-text-messages where he's telling me he's and dying and so on. He keeps on accusing me of not loving him, lying to him, etc.

A question for you: How many women now involved in physically abusive relationships saw it coming from a mile down the road? The answer- none of them. They always express this terrible shock the first time he hits them, and the second time too. After that, it's not such a surprise, but by then they're locked in and it's very hard to get out.

A huge red flag for physical abuse is the controlling behavior you've described. No matter what his issues are with drinking, no matter what he says to justify his behavior, the simple fact is that he is not the boss of you.

This relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen. Get the **** off the tracks, girl.

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, and I don't want to have to truss up another abuser and throw him into the river this winter. Eventually, I'm gonna get caught.

[ice-lolly]

Oh..I've never thought about it that way...thanks, Gigabitch, for your input.

[Sami09]

SO Have you talk to your bf about how you feel. I think she should maybe

if you want to be able to go out with your friends and drink ones in a blue

mood. It isnt every weekend is it.

[Sami09]

thats what i meant to say i am sorry i did say it wrong. you are corect and yes i am wrong.

[King Zarathu]

(1)that(2)s what (3)i meant to say(4) (5)i am sorry (6)i did say it wrong. (7)you are (8)corect and yes (9)i am wrong.

(1) Capitalize.
(2) *That's
(3) Capitalize.
(4) Missing punctuation.
(5) Capitalize.
(6) Capitalize.
(7) Capitalize.
(8) *Correct
(9) Capitalize.

[King Zarathu]

I try to only point out one thing at a time so that I don't put excessive pressure on my students.

[jurupa]

I try to only point out one thing at a time so that I don't put excessive pressure on my students.

What pressure? I dealt with a lot more pressure than you are dishing out.

[King Zarathu]

What pressure? I dealt with a lot more pressure than you are dishing out.

No .

[King Zarathu]

So does jurupa.