childlike turnoff?

[squirrley]

See Alexi ALL single parents arent bad...some of us are kinda cool. I think everyone has the right to their own thoughts on dating someone who has kids. Everyone is different. And youre right about thinking something and finding out different later on-guess that happens in almost any given situation until you live it.

You did handle it well-shes probably guessing youre a nice guy but wont call. Most women at that age with 3 or even 2 children are VERY insecure. But ya never know til you get to know the person. No one I dated had a problem with it. Even when my son was younger.

But let me throw this into the mix-for myself I dont want to date someone or marry someone for the sake of my son to have a father. Hes got me. Never needed a man for it-doing fine on my own. And I make that clear to anyone Ive dated in the past. I dont expect that person to become instant dad nor would I really want it anyway. Be a role model yes-dad well not now in this stage of his life. I do know people who are single moms and some have the mentality that thats what they need in their life-WRONG!! (at least in my own opinion).

So while youre just hanging out with her-get to know her(cause youre not doing anything wrong Alexi-youre NOT cheating here) and see what shes looking for out of life and or a partner. That may give you some indication what kind of person she is right now. 24 with 3 kids damn-dont envy her. Ive got a friend whose 35 with 3 too and shes having a hell of a time finding a man interested in her situation. Not many would be I guess. But ya never know...maybe there are men who cant have children and want to date someone with kids...could be?

Who the hell knows...everyone is different in their thinking and then their experiences.
But you bring a point to it all-never know til ya try!!!

[hallanole]

I agree with squirrley. all the way around.

I also make that statement that i'm not looking for a father for my daughter. She's never had one in her life and i'm not looking to install one in.

oh on a side note. I found a play that guys check moms out at! Burger King! I was walking out today with my daughter and me in my boots, jean skirt with a slit to show off boots, tank and green jean jacket. well anyway this cute guy with a little boy walked in and stopped, i walk by he turns and stares. (i saw his reflection in the glass at the second door) I laugh so hard after and thought "i have to post this".

[Breezy18]

Ive got a friend whose 35 with 3 too and shes having a hell of a time finding a man interested in her situation. Not many would be I guess. But ya never know...maybe there are men who cant have children and want to date someone with kids...could be?

Who the hell knows...everyone is different in their thinking and then their experiences.
But you bring a point to it all-never know til ya try!!!

Well squirrley I have something to add that is relevent to this situation. When my marriage broke up I was left with three very small children. Babies really and I had one heck of a time finding anyone interested in dating me because all they saw was the children. I don't blame any of the guys for that. I don't think I would've wanted an instant family either, being so young. But I did meet an incredible man eventually who adored (still does) my children and embraced the role of a father figure, voluntarily. Even though it didn't work out between us, (other issues.....nothing to do with the kids) he stays in touch almost daily and has done for a long time. Takes the kids all over. I'm glad we left on such good terms because in a way he's more of a "dad" to my children than their real father, (another long story......won't bore you with details here). I guess what I'm trying to say is I agree with you. Everyone is different in their thinking and experience. Sucks sometimes in this day and age. You'd think that a lot of men your friends age would be in the same boat. You know, with kids already (whether living with him or the mom), but that's not always the case. The deal breaker for the last guy I had "potential" with was children. He didn't have any. He wanted some of his own. I didn't. Life's tough sometimes.

[Ironliftr3]

Something I'd like to add to the mix. I sometimes feel that if I date a women with children, there is more 'pressure' for the relationship to turn into something significant. Meaning, a woman with a child/children isn't going to be as interested in just 'dating around' as I may be, or as somebody without children. They are more likely to be 'looking' for a serious relationship, not neccesarily because they want a father for their child, but because they have a huge responsibility to their child, and aren't likely to be interested in dating 'just for fun'.

I was in one somewhat serious relationship with a woman with a young son. I'd be hesitant to get back into a similar situation.

[Breezy18]

Iron makes a valid point. You're right when you say that a woman with a child may want something more serious than casual dating. But I think it's not just dependant on children, but the age of the people involved. If I were 20, I would definately NOT be looking for something permanent. If it happened, then so be it. But someone in their 30's may perhaps be wanting something more concrete for themselves as well as the child.

[sfalexi]

Shit. I had a huge, detailed, quoted reply to this but now have to start over because of some stupid wrong button pressed and all my text lost. What a night. Sigh. Well, here I go....

[sfalexi]

shes probably guessing youre a nice guy but wont call

Exactly what she was thinking. Except I did call, and asked her to call me back during the week when she knows what day/time she'll have free (two reasons. First cause SHE'S the one with three kids so I'm assuming it might be a little easier for her to simply figure out and let me know HER schedule, and second because as I've mentioned in previous posts, I view it as a way to see how interested the person is. If they're interested enough to go through the trouble of calling you back and trying to set something up, then I feel more comfortable that they WANT to be there)

I make a rhyme, almost all of the time. Cause I'm a poet, but don't know it. . .

while youre just hanging out with her-get to know her(cause youre not doing anything wrong Alexi-youre NOT cheating here) and see what shes looking for out of life and or a partner.

I know I'm not cheating. No guilty conscience here. When my ex and I agreed on the break, we spelt out the rules loud and clear and dating other women ain't breakin' em.

oh on a side note. I found a play that guys check moms out at! Burger King!

On a side note, HELL YEAH! Guilty as charged over here!

sometimes feel that if I date a women with children, there is more 'pressure' for the relationship to turn into something significant.

I'm wondering if I'll feel this pressure too. What I'm doing and planning on continuing to do is to make it very clear what I'm looking for in dating her. That way I can help clear my conscience of any guilt if anything doesn't work out. Cause I TOLD her it might not, and SHE decided to continue and take the risk. So I wouldn't have 'led her on' at any point.

Alexi

PS - Sorry Squirrel! Popped out at me and I had to do a little elbowing in the 'ol ribs there! Just joshin you around!

[Ironliftr3]

Alexi,
I know you were just kidding, and that Squirrley wouldn't take any offense....but I'm thinking she wants to prove she's an original...and that she is. Besides, in my book, she can spell her name any damn way she wants too!....a rose by any other name and all......

[squirrley]

Alexi-that was great you called her!!! And I dont care about the spelln never paid attention to it. Its alright you can josh around!!!

Breezy-its difficult having children no matter how many. But it makes it more complicated the more you have in your family. My friend thought her marriage would last a lifetime until her husband cheated. And here she is-but its true there are some guys out there that are willing and wanting to be in that situation, the right one will come along again for you. I dont look to any man for anything, Ive become so independant at this stage of my life-hell for the last couple of years Ive been saying I didnt want anyone in my life til my son was almost school. Ive dated a guy who had boys my sons age and they got along great-but he was an ass(long story).

So all of it does complicate things IF the other person isnt interested. If that is the case-I dont think I want to be involved anyway. NEXT PLEASE!!!! or stay just continue to remain single-(probably the latter for me)....

I was 18 when I had my son...and turning 34 this year. He'll be 15 in a couple of months. And I CANT wait til hes 18, off to college doing his own thing-and then ME doing my own thing. Im blessed with him-and wouldnt change it for the world. Kyle is blessing from the Lord, and I thank HIM for Kyle-and honestly, if someone doesnt want to get involved because of my child-their loss. But not holding it against that person. I dont judge people...and I know their is somene out there that will love me for whom I am and not bail on me because I have a son. I have faith that God has a plan for me...and someday it will happen. I dont worry about having a relationship with anyone. Just want to be happy with my own situation.

Sometimes I think its not fair that men get placed as losers or assholes for not wanting to be involved in a situation. They didnt bring the child into the world. But it would be nice to see more men like Alexi who "had" the idea orginally that that was a no no but now sees "hey who the hell knows.." and try...
thanks Alexi for stepping up and just taking the initiative...wish more men were like you...thanks from all the single moms who think you dont exist...

[Ironliftr3]

Another thing I want to add- if a woman has all the right qualities otherwise, the fact that they have children becomes much less relevant.

[Breezy18]

thanks Alexi for stepping up and just taking the initiative...wish more men were like you...thanks from all the single moms who think you dont exist...

I second that!

[squirrley]

Ok obviously having children ADDS to the situation or NOT. But one thing is for sure-it sounds like it depends on where youre at in your life and or possibly how old you are at the time of involvement and your emotional status.

And I for one appreciate a man who shows genuine interest, and isnt looking for a piece of ass.(couhs...like just about every scumbag in Citrus Cty)

In Summary-like some damn report here-to each its own...and repsect his/her own thoughts/opinions.

Breezy I meant to agree with one of your comments on wanting to be involved for "me" and not because of the child. Guess that totally summed up where I am at in my life....Im ready to have some damn fun!!!!!!

[Breezy18]

Breezy I meant to agree with one of your comments on wanting to be involved for "me" and not because of the child. Guess that totally summed up where I am at in my life....Im ready to have some damn fun!!!!!!

I'm in the same place Squirrley. My son is 17 and off to college this fall. I can't wait, although am somewhat apprehensive about it. (Mom was right......no matter how old they get, they'll always be your little boy or girl.) But I am ready for someone to be in my life for ME, not for my kids. I've been their mother AND father for the past 10 years and I think I've done pretty good. But now it's time for me to have some fun. Guys need to understand that a lot of moms out there are not looking for someone to look after them and their children. I'm sure not. I have my own job, my own place, my own money, and I do not need nor do I WANT someone trying to solve my kids problems. But I do miss companionship that comes with a relationship. The little things like a thoughtful call just to say "I was thinking about you". You know?

[squirrley]

Oh do I know it! Im in the same EXACT spot!!!

I couldnt have said what you did better...RIGHT ON GIRL!!! RIGHT ON!!!!

[hallanole]

Breezy I so agree! my daughter may be young but i'm not looking for a father for her. She's got me. That's all that matters.