Emotional Turmoil. I've lost it.

[HurtDude]

I cannot begin to describe to you the incredible amount of anxiety coursing through my body at this moment. I've been through many odd and trying situations with girls, but I've never been faced with anything as troubling as this.
I'm a model for Tommy Hilfiger and thus I come across many beautiful women more than eager to begin a relationship with me. But I'm rather selective. Beauty is only skin deep, and more often than not I find myself intensly attracted to women who most would not consider SUPER AMAZINGLY DROP DEAD GORGEOUS-esque.
In any case, I met this girl who had a boyfriend of 7 years. (you may remember me talking about this in previous threads, but it is irrevelent) We fell madly in love with each other, in a way that I have never experienced before. I've thought about dropping the "Will you marry me?" to this girl so many times.

Her boyfriend lives far away, several states away. About a month ago she left him because of her increasingly apparent feelings for me. However, shortly after she began having doubts. She decided it would be best to wait until he visited her here for thanksgiving to decide how she felt about him.

So he came here and stayed with her for Thanksgiving (hes still here now, he leaves tomorrow). She texts me every now and then. I don't initiate any contact, I let her get in touch with me. During the entire past few days she called me once, and that was yesterday...when her boyfriend had left somewhere.

Most of you are inclined to tell me that she is not worth it and that I should move on. However, I have exasperated that option and after much deliberation and vigilance on the matter, I've decided that I could never just move on and forget about her. There's too much at risk if I just throw her aside.

About 20 minutes ago I had a fit of intense desire to speak to her, and I called her. She did not pick up. I assume its because he is with her and she doesn't want to offend him (he knows about me). The problem I have with this is that when I am with her and he calls, she leaves the room and answers him.

I'm at a loss as to what I should do. When he leaves, I'm wondering if they will have gotten back together. I wonder if they will decide not to get back together. And if they don't what should I do? What if she asks for more time?


I'm looking for advice on what it is I should do to completely make her want me. Do I just do N/C...randomly?

Ahhhh. Where do I go from here?

[Gigabitch]

Dude, nobody thinks she's not worth it. It's the situation you find yourself in that's not worth it. The ugly fact is that she's simply not available, no matter how interested she is in you.

Is she even a little bit his?

Then she's not yours.

I realize that his is hard for you, but you need to protect yourself better than this. You're going to have to change your SN to "DevastatedDude" if you don't draw some boundaries.

The reason she answers his calls when she's with you and not your calls when she's with him is that he's her boyfriend. You are not.

She's been stringing both of you along for a long while now. She knows you want her, and I don't really think there's anything you can do to make her want you more. Random NC is a contradiction in terms.

I think what you should do is suck it up and tell her you don't want to see her until she's single.

[HurtDude]

Dude, nobody thinks she's not worth it. It's the situation you find yourself in that's not worth it. The ugly fact is that she's simply not available, no matter how interested she is in you.

Is she even a little bit his?

Then she's not yours.

I realize that his is hard for you, but you need to protect yourself better than this. You're going to have to change your SN to "DevastatedDude" if you don't draw some boundaries.

The reason she answers his calls when she's with you and not your calls when she's with him is that he's her boyfriend. You are not.

She's been stringing both of you along for a long while now. She knows you want her, and I don't really think there's anything you can do to make her want you more. Random NC is a contradiction in terms.

I think what you should do is suck it up and tell her you don't want to see her until she's single.

So one last meeting and do i tell her that I plan on doing this? "Hey, just so you know I'm walking away from you until you're single."

[vashti]

"Hey, just so you know I'm walking away from you until you're single."

Yes of course you should, unless you don't mind sharing your girl.

[King Zarathu]

Polygamy rules.

[Mathias]

This is more common than you think in LD relationships.

When the SO isn't there, the girl (or guy) is used to that connection, so they want to seek it elsewhere.

You're elsewhere for now.

If you remember my story, that's exactly what I did...and I know quite a few others that did it.

I would confront the girl about it, personally, but that's just my style.

[Gigabitch]

For the record, I'm in an LDR and I DON'T do that. Does that make me a freak?

[Mathias]

For the record, I'm in an LDR and I DON'T do that. Does that make me a freak?

No, it makes you a good person.

I'm not saying it's *everyone*, but it is more common than most think. It's just too easy to do.

[HurtDude]

Ok....i'll keep you guys posted on what happens...

[HurtDude]

By the way, she talks about me to him. Like she had a dream about me a few nights ago, and she told him about it. I wonder why she tells him about me. Maybe she wanted to come clean with him so that she can start anew with him. Maybe she told him about me to end things with him??? No, this doesn't make sense. I'm driving myself nuts. What must HE be thinking? "Why is she telling me about the man she might leave me for?"

She texted me again this morning. We texted back and forth for a littlw while,...then i remembered i was supposed to cut contact with her.

[Gigabitch]

I think she's trying to have it both ways. Wouldn't anyone want to have their cake and eat it too?

[HurtDude]

I have a question. And it may be one of logic.

If I leave now, while its apparant we both want each other, that means her only option will be her boyfriend. Doesn't that make him a little less desireable if he becomes her only option. Won't it make me more desireable because I'm no longer an option?

If I put her away for a little while with "I can't see you right now, let me know when you are emotionally available, see you around."

Won't that be putting her lights out while at the same time leaving the door open for the future? Possibly the near future of 4 or 5 months?

[Gigabitch]

When is he leaving town? Maybe she'll break up with him this time, and the problem will be solved.

[HurtDude]

When is he leaving town? Maybe she'll break up with him this time, and the problem will be solved.

He leaves tonight. she and I have a class together tomorrow. I haven't seen her since he arrived almost 6 days ago. This is the longest she and I have spent apart since I've known her.

[HurtDude]

Ok so he left. And she called me. But its been 25 minutes and its been just CHIT CHAT. i DONT WANT TO *ASK* about what sort of conclusion she came to. What should I do??? Or is it okay to ask her "so, whats going on with..."

etc.