A really confusing situation... help needed!

[lugosi]

Hello,

I have been with my gf for almost 1,5 years. We've had a tough time recently, we've both taken antidepressants and done stupid things.
Last year she once asked me (probably as a joke) whether I had a crush on someone else. Well, I said no. She asked the same f*cking question at least 10 times and I just answered 'no'. But then she asked the same question AGAIN, and I got pissed off and muttered the name of my ex... *stupid* I have a bad temper.

So that's where our problems began. I felt I couldn't tell her the truth so I made up a few little things so as to avoid having to admit that I had lost my temper and lied to her. She completely lost her trust in me and was angry as hell. We had a major crisis in January, but made up a little later. I finally told her the truth in April, but (of course) she didn't believe me.
Then everything was OK until June. One day I said to her that I don't want to be with her if I can't be sure she wants to be with me after two years (I'll move abroad for some time next year, to work), but she totally misunderstood my words and thought I didn't want to be with her at all. Wtf?!? So she quit talking to me for a few days. Then at the beginning of July she sent me an SMS and said she thinks we have no real reasons for being together. I though she'd left me, so I just cried and talked with a dear (female) friend about it. I felt like I wanted to go abroad, just to get the whole thing out of my mind. So I decided to travel abroad with that old high school friend.

A few days later my gf and I cleared things up, and of course she wasn't too pleased to hear I would go abroad with another girl, although she's met the girl a few times and knows that we've always been and will be just friends. So my gf became really jealous and thought I had a crush on that girl. I made it VERY clear that that was not the case, but then she started to think that maybe the girl has a crush on ME. She said some pretty nasty things to me ("Just go abroad with her and **** her, if you really want to...") and of course I got angry.

I went abroad with that friend in September. But before that I did something VERY stupid... I broke up with my gf. Just because I couldn't take all the things she kept saying to me, and because I knew she hated me. I thought she would be better off without me and vice versa. She became very upset and depressed. When I returned a few days later and calmed down, I went to see her. We talked things over and she finally believed me when I told her that I haven't had a crush on anyone else. We kissed and hugged and made up. So now we're back together. But she still doesn't trust me and I think she kinda hates me, although she says she's forgiven me.

But now: the real problem is this. Ehm... there has been a group of young Italians visiting my school. So naturally because I speak Italian, I became friends with them immediately. But Friday night I found out smth quite confusing... one of then girls has a crush on me. We went to a party and just talked and she was constantly trying to get closer to me. Of course I tried not to let her too close, I already have a gf. The girl said to me she wanted to sleep with me and things like that...
Well, she got drunk and finally I had to hold her up so she wouldn't fall on her face... We hugged a few times. Then at maybe 1 am we walked to the main railway station together (with another girl from the school) and said goodbye. Her friend made me give her a goodnight kiss, that's all. For me the situation was a bit awkward. She's now returned to Italy.

That's OK, nothing happened and I don't feel I should tell my gf about all this. I haven't even seen her for three weeks, because I'm quite busy with my studies and she's just lazy and depressed.

I think I'm a little attracted to that Italian chick. I know she's crazy about me. We have been sending SMSs to each other. She doesn't know that I have a gf, I think. I'll move to Italy next year and probably will see that girl again.

I am intending to move there permanently after graduating, but my gf wants to stay here. We have completely different future plans. I'm crazy about her, but I'm unsure about our future.. Will she ever trust me again? Where would we live, 'cus I don't to stay here and she doesn't want to move abroad? Now I feel she's pretty much ignoring me, since she never even calls me. What should I do?

Should I keep in touch with the Italian girl? I'm a little attracted to her + she's a wonderful person to talk to, whereas I get no response from my gf.
Will everything between me and my gf ever be as nice as in the beginning of our relationship? Will there be trust? What do you think?

(Sorry about the long post...)

[Gigabitch]

Man, what a mess.

IMO, your relationship with your gilrfriend sucks for both of you, and life is too short to spend one more minute like this. Break up with her, for God's sake, tonight if possible.

Do whatever you want with the Italian girl. If you break up with your gf, everything will become far less complicated.

[Mathias]

End it.

Now.

There's no trust...shit, there's not even respect. Screw that.

[lugosi]

Thanks for your replies! I completely agree with you, but there's one more thing to complicate the matter even more... My gf was seriously planning to commit suicide just a little over month ago. So I'm afraid she might hurt herself if I broke up with her. I know we are very different, but I love her and don't want to break her heart. This whole thing just doesn't make much sense. So should I let time pass by? I want her to realise by herself that this doesn't work really, but I don't want to be guilty of our final breakup nor to make her any more depressed.

[Gigabitch]

You are not responsible for her. You have to ACT responsibly, don't hurt her unnecessarily, but her holding you hostage like this is low-down dirty fighting.

I assume she has a therapist and you do too. They will both confirm this.

[lugosi]

Thank you! I have decided to break up with her. Tonight, if possible. I can't stand this situation any longer!!!
But how should I do it? Since I won't see her, and I'd like to dump her NOW, but sending an SMS would be way too nasty. Should I call her? Please, help me now!!

EDIT: OK, I'm going to go and see her... face-to-face. It's better that way, I guess. Wish me luck!

[lovesjoyajm]

So confused. How are you going to see her face to face? Are you not abroad anymore?

[Gigabitch]

Good call. Face-to-face is the respectful way to do it.

Hope it didn't take forever. Short and to the point is better.

[lugosi]

So now it's done. Phew! *relieved* No, it didn't take long, maybe half an hour, then she just simply left.

Thank you, guys! I feel a bit better now!

[Gigabitch]

I was wondering if she'd buried you in the backyard.