A small situation.

[Zach]

Heres my small not so serious situation. I just want to know what you all think about it.

As most of you already know I was just recently dumped by my gf of 2yrs. Well that was on October 11, and it has been over a month now. I am definintely not over here yet and I do not plan on dating until im sure im over her.

So the situation starts when I found out this girl at my work named Jamie likes me and everyone has been telling me. She is pretty, nice and seemingly mature. Although there are complications. She has a BF! And she has been with him for over 2 years now. She says their relationship is holding on by just thread and he cheated on her a long time ago, and she still hasnt been able to get over that.

But the fact that she has been telling everyone that she likes me seems a little immature seeing she has a boyfriend. I am attracted to her but I know I cannot date her until I am over my ex and who knows how long that will take. Plus Her Me and her boyfriend all work togather at the same place. I like her boyfriend he is a cool guy, and I dont want to be that guy who she leaves him for.

She also says she isnt sure if she is in love with him anymore. But the fact that she would leave him for me, leaves me thinking "If your going to leave him for me then what would stop you from leaving me for another guy in the future." But then again I remember that he did cheat on her and that could be the reason she wants out. Im not sure. Its a little confusing. Its tempting to enter a relationship right now but I know I am not healthy enough. I need to wait. So I have been just trying to get to know her as a friend, I havn't been flirting and Im not trying to lead her on. I just want to get close to her as a friend then maybe someday in the future if the conditions are right we could date but I am on the rebound now and she has a boyfriend who says "He cant live without her" so Im not expecting anything out of this anytime soon.


Any thoughts?

[Lovehappens]

I think she should dump her boyfriend and give it a try with you. You never know. Maybe its the girl of your dreams

[enterprise]

if it was me i wouldn't do it. If she wants you that much she'd dump him and even then. But i wouldn't suggest going out with her till they're good and finished, would you want that to happen to you?

[Zach]

Of course not, and thats why I am just planning on getting to know her for the time being. Maybe sometime in the future we could date. You never know.

[Gigabitch]

Tell her sincerely that you respect her and you wouldn't want to waste her on a rebound, and that you want to save her for something serious after you get over your ex. That will be flattering but clear that now is not the time. Hopefully, she'll deal with it gracefully. She doesn't sound all that mature. Would you really want to date someone who treats her current bf this way anyway? Ever?

[Prodigal]

I completely agree with Giga on this.

[sazzya1987]

Zach, I think you should stick clear of this situation, it sounds like a red flag to me. Even if she does dump her boyfriend I still think it would be a red flag situation.

[wreckless]

well, makes me think of the situation i was in a while ago....we were "committed", well, at least, I was....next thing i know, shes back with her ex....now, she's looking for dates on myspace, while she is with her ex....im not very experienced at all, this was my first time getting close to someone, and a very bad way to start....i would say, go with the hunch that if she does it to her bf now, what is going to stop her doing the same to you one day ?....you might commit, be honest and there 100% for her, but it seems to me she's not as mature, if you ask me.........sorry for the somewhat harsh way of putting it, but i'd wait it out, at least

[Zach]

Im backing out already. I talked with her on the phone last night then I got off and went to sleep. Then I find out she broke up with her bf of over 2 years over the phone right after I got off the phone with her. Then She asks me today If I like her. So im like... ok Im outta here.... she is not mature enough... obviously.. (theres more but i dont feel like typing it)

[Junket]

Are all Erie girls that crazy?

[Sami09]

i dont believe she ready and i also dont believe you are ready either yet. You both just got out of long term relationship take some times for yourself and relax and hang out with your friends.

[Mathias]

Tell her sincerely that you respect her and you wouldn't want to waste her on a rebound, and that you want to save her for something serious after you get over your ex. That will be flattering but clear that now is not the time. Hopefully, she'll deal with it gracefully. She doesn't sound all that mature. Would you really want to date someone who would basically cheat on her current bf this way anyway? Ever?

Fixed your post.

You're welcome.

[Zach]

Yeah. I just wrote her again. This is our last 2 E-mails.

HER:

Hey, I can't get it into that email you made me at school. Billy's asking for me back. I do love him I just don't know if I forgave him. I'll talk to you at work about it. If you don't read this before. I really do like you, I think you are one of the sweetest guys a girl could ever have, but I don't know that you want to eventually date me. I esp. wouldn't want our friendship to bake-up between me and you!!! I don't really have that much of a reason for mine and Billy's breakup that he agrees with, but I'll talk to you later. Love Jamie

ME:
I don't understand what you mean about you and billy. The part where he agrees, agrees to what? You plan on being friends with him? If your going to break up with him and he is hurt, being friends with him will only hurt him more. Just my opinion. Jamie, I cant say that I can eventually date you because I don't know. First off, your in love. Second off, I am completely unsure about how I feel inside. I don't know what I want for sure anymore. I plan on being single for a long time I think, only because I think I need to be single to find who I am. No offense, but the things I have seen you do and the way you do things seem to me that you are very young still. Everyone is young at times in their lives, and it is part of growing up. But I have grown up, and I need someone who is grown up also. Im not saying your too immature or anything like that but I am saying you need time still until you are able to handle a serious relationship. You are very insecure about yourself. You don't seem to know what you want in life. You must find yourself and your own happiness before you can truly love someone else. I hope I am making some sense. Thank you for thinking I am one of the sweetest guys a girl could ever have. I just don't know if you or I are going to be ready for a relationship ANY time soon. I mean it might be a year or more for me. Who knows. Right now though... I am taking myself completely out of the picture. Right now you need not think about me or anything like this for that matter. Forget you like me for the time being because you MUST figure out what you are doing about you and Billy. You love him still and that is very important. You must take time to figure out what you want/need. Ill always be your friend. <3 Zach

[Gigabitch]

Apart from the fact that you backed off of telling her she was too immature for you in those very words but said it in every other way, I'd say that was very straightforward and kind.

She is too immature. I think she and Billy deserve each other.

[Zach]

I just hope I wasnt TOO straightfoward. And I hope I didn't hurt her feelings.