I told my friend I liked her and now I feel horrible!

[Ricky]

Well, it sure has been a while since I posted here, but I’ve never felt this shitty since… well, about the last time I posted here. This might be a little long, but I need it off my chest:

The last love-interest I talked about, the one that hooked up with my old roommate (and ex-friend) and I fell into the “friends zone” with, well, a lot’s happened since then. Fast forward over a year and the friendship between me and her grows and grows, while her relationship with my old roommate rots. They eventually break up (my old roomie blames me because he knew I like her, but I never did anything; he’s simply insecure. She agrees with me). Around that point in a MySpace message she lets me know that, next to her female best friend who lives a state away, that I’m one of the only people she talks to about stuff, and that she sees me as a brother (awww).

Well I’m completely touched by how she feels for me, though I’ll admit I’ve never felt she was like a sister to me; simply a good friend that I try to take care of and make happy and happen to be very attracted to. Either way, we've gotten very close, close enough for her to reveal to me she's interested in another guy as a "friends with benefits," and for me to reveal to her that 1, I'm a virgin, and 2, I know she's not one. We initiate a cute little game where we see who's the first to get laid.

Anyway, here’s where the real problem starts… for a little while now some of my friends have noticed that I have feelings for her. My new roommate, on seeing how she calls me almost every night and talks to me for an hour at a time, commented that, “you love her, dude,” and I couldn’t really deny it. I was at a party with some friends when one (a girl) made the same comment. Again, I couldn’t deny it. Well, she made me promise that I’d at least make some sort of joke to my interest hinting at my feelings. My new roomie also told me that I really oughta just tell her straight out how I feel.

That’s what I did. A couple of nights ago, at the end of one of our phone conversations, I said that I had something to tell her. I told her that with talking to her like this all the time, I sometimes feel like her boyfriend. I then said that I still liked her, was still falling for her. She said, “awwww,” and “I’m flattered” (I’ve heard that from a girl who rejected me once, what a coincidence), and she said that she wouldn’t tell me about her friends-with-benefits guy anymore because she felt bad. I said it was okay and that it was just something I wanted her to know. She was tired and the conversation didn’t go much further. She went to bed.

The next day when I saw her, the topic never came up, and her “friend with benefits” came by to hang out and I just felt like shit. That was the only time I saw her that day. She didn’t call that night like she usually does.

Yesterday I had class with her and things seemed normal, but as we ran our errands after class, she seemed like she was getting annoyed at me while I talked and kinda tried to ditch me for a little bit. I went about my own business.

She had mentioned before that she wanted me to cash a check for her later that day (her bank is too far away). When I called her later and said I was ready to come over to her place to pick up the check, she said I didn’t have to come over, as she was coming back on campus later, and would call me. I quickly apologized for being annoying in the morning, and she seemed to accept (said maybe she was just annoyed by stuff piling up lately). So when I had to go to the bank to take care of some of my stuff, I called her about her check, and she quickly said, “I’ll give it to you tomorrow,” and hurriedly ended our quick conversation; she had told me earlier she needed the check cashed that day!

I called her later that night and she said she was off to some Bible study thing with one of our friends, and I told her to call me when she got back, and she said, “Oh, I will,” in a tone that sort of sounded like, “yah right, I won’t.” That’s the last I’ve spoke to her. Haven’t got to talk to her today.

Last night I tried to call her but she didn’t pick up. Feeling tumultuous and shittier than ever before, I got out of bed and sent her a MySpace message apologizing for telling her I liked her, explaining that my hopes were sort of raised by my friends and their advice, and that I felt foolish for listening to that advice.

I’ve checked my inbox a million times today for her to respond to it. She hasn’t even logged on to MySpace today, and never called me about her check that she needed cashed.

So, what the hell’s going on? I really feel like I should never have told her what I did, as I felt fine before compared to how I do now. I’m worried I’ve just distanced her from me and that she’ll no longer see me even as a brother, and I don’t want that; One of the advice-giving friends said they were sure we’d hook up in the end and I sure hope that’s true; it would probably make this pain worth it eventually. But if it’s for naught… I really don’t want to lose her. I lost my old roommate as a friend because he thought I was between them, and now I can’t lose her, too. I love her.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, Ricky, first of all, go and delete that duplicate thread, so as to avoid confusion.

Now. Stop apologizing to her. At once. Don't be sorry for your feelings or for sharing them with her. Truth is beauty. We're never sorry about beauty, right?

I think you need to put a leash on yourself and practice some NC for awhile. Of course, check your MySpace compulsively. No, it isn't healthy, and yes, it's what anyone would do, and it doesn't hurt anything, so go ahead and do it. Write letters to her you will never send, listen to songs about her, etc., but don't call her.

She will miss you if you let her. She may not come around to the idea of dating you, but you don't necessarily have to lose her completely over this. It's important to comport yourself with grace and self-respect, though, because I'm sure she doesn't want to see herself reflected in your face as a hurtful person. When she looks at you, she wants to see something positive.

Now you have to decide if you're willing to lie to her to keep her in your life, if it comes to that. IMO, that's a sad waste of precious time, but you seem pretty willing to live in the Friend Zone if it means she's your next-door-neighbor.

[Ricky]

Now you have to decide if you're willing to lie to her to keep her in your life, if it comes to that. IMO, that's a sad waste of precious time, but you seem pretty willing to live in the Friend Zone if it means she's your next-door-neighbor.

What exactly do you mean; what would I be lying to her about?

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far. I think I have part of it figured out: she's spending more and more time with her friend with benefits (starting to look like a boyfriend to me, but who am I to judge? I heard her call him "baby" over the phone today and it hurt), and perhaps she's needing me less and less as someone to come to to vent. When she used to call me a lot it would usually be about: 1, her ex who's still bugging her 2, a new flame 3, her constantly changing perspectives on sex. I just realized she never called me as much when her relationship with my old roommate was still good. We became brother and sister when her relationship with him was hitting the fan.

Now I guess it looks like the cycle's starting over again, but I'm not gonna be tossed aside like trash, dammit. I'll gladly be there for her when she needs someone to listen to, but I'd really like for her to be there for me if I need someone to talk to (she's opened her ears for me before). A friend (female) told me that all girls really want the nice guy, but that they have to go through a few bad ones first to realize it. That's probably fairy tale crap, but it'd sure be nice if she eventually came back to me.

Until that time (if it even happens), I'll go about pursuing other interests; there are two really nice looking women I've been thinking about. Perhaps "out of my league..." then I remembered the end of "Borat," which I just saw this past Monday, where he learns that in pursuing your dreams, you may lose sight of something better and, well, there is this girl I know who's attention shifts directly to me when she talks to me. She seems overwhelmed and fascinated by me. Kinda seems like she's got a crush on me. She's not nearly as attractive as my "sister," but maybe I'm overlooking her... I oughta go for it! If I do get hooked up with her (or someone else), I really hope I can come back to my "sister" and tell her about it, and I hope she feels comforatable again to tell me about her relationships.

[dreamer101]

Dude after I read your last para, I was grinning. Because girls like bad guys and guys like bad girls. Its a never ending cycle where nice guys and girls are always in mysery. At least you are considering breaking that cycle. Go for that girl. And forget your infatuation.

Open your eyes dude. Seriously. She is just a person with a vagina who is using you like a doormat. There are plenty of fishes in the sea. OK - whatever Gigabitch said is all true, and I won't say anymore because I don't think I can keep it that sweet.

Bottom line is, find your self respect. You sound like a decent guy who deserves much better and she sounds sleazy if not whorish. She is not worth your time mate, why can't u see that. You should have no respect for her. God I hate her already and I don't even know her. And I am angry.

[Gigabitch]

What exactly do you mean; what would I be lying to her about?

You would have to pretend you never confessed deeper feelings and never bring up again. Obviously.