Is It worth it?

[mhussain]

Hello ladies ...

I just wanted to know whether it still is worth being polite? to you people. Please understand me. I am not being bitter or angry as I type this. I am just cynical right now.

I have been nice and polite and well behaved and proper with ladies all my life. I respect you people. I do not swear and I try and not be inappropriate.

With the women I was interested it, I did the same .

' You are too nicey nicey"
" Women like someone who has been around , you know!" (I havent been)

These are the two main themes I have heard from them , and count(them) is not many,

Is it still worth being nice. I am not much to look at , but I am nice. That is all I have going for me, but I now doubt as to whether that is worth keeping at all

Thanks

Hussain

p.s. I am not nice so that I can get women I like to like me, but that is how I am.

[katja]

Hi! There!!

It's always nice to know that there is still nice guys like you in the world. There's not much of your kind left.

So the answer to your question is, "Stay the wonderfull guy you are." Just remember, treat people the way you want yourself to be treated. Doesn't matter whether their being arseholes, you don't have to be an arsehole aswell. Remember you are a unique guy. We all are unique. Just a pitty that some people go through life blindly.

I wish you Peace and much Love!!!

Mwah!!!!

[vashti]

Hello hussain - nice to see you posting again. I will give you my perspective on your problem, but I apologize in advance if it offends you. I think you sound like a genuinely good guy.

I think that what you are asking is really more complex than "do girls like guys who are polite?". Of course they do! However, I think that sometimes people who are more bound to a sense of propiety than average can be mistaken for people who lack the ability to be down-to-earth and laugh at themselves. Is it possible that this is what you are portraying to the world? Do people think you are fun to be around? Your sense of propiety will be extremely important to a particular girl, though (one who is more traditional), and I am not sure this is the area you should most be focused on.

I am more concerned about the "nicey-nicey" comment. I think girls your age use this sort of language when they feel a guy is too soft and perhaps are lacking in backbone. People feel more comfortable with clearly defined boundaries. It's nice to know there is a limit to what a person will tolerate because it makes one feel safe. I think girls that say this might think you would allow yourself to be walked on. Do you know what I mean?

[Junket]

Hi! There!!

It's always nice to know that there is still nice guys like you in the world. There's not much of your kind left.

So the answer to your question is, "Stay the wonderfull guy you are." Just remember, treat people the way you want yourself to be treated. Doesn't matter whether their being arseholes, you don't have to be an arsehole aswell. Remember you are a unique guy. We all are unique. Just a pitty that some people go through life blindly.

I wish you Peace and much Love!!!

Mwah!!!!

Clearly a girl who doesn't have a clue what she's talking about.

And one of the reasons why guys like hussain have trouble improving their chances, cause girls like this give them bad advice.

Thanks for rectifying the situation Vash.

[mhussain]

Hello hussain - nice to see you posting again. I will give you my perspective on your problem, but I apologize in advance if it offends you.

Hey vashti, thanks for remembering me. I agree to not be offended

I think that what you are asking is really more complex than "do girls like guys who are polite?". Of course they do! However, I think that sometimes people who are more bound to a sense of propiety than average can be mistaken for people who lack the ability to be down-to-earth and laugh at themselves. Is it possible that this is what you are portraying to the world? Do people think you are fun to be around?

I Understand what you mean. From what I have gathered from my long standing friends, most of whom are women, I am fun to be around. The question is how much ?

I laugh at myself and make jokes, but i have made it a point to not indulge foul language or behaviour. And I hope that I do not have to change that point.

I am more concerned about the "nicey-nicey" comment. I think girls your age use this sort of language when they feel a guy is too soft and perhaps are lacking in backbone. People feel more comfortable with clearly defined boundaries. It's nice to know there is a limit to what a person will tolerate because it makes one feel safe. I think girls that say this might think you would allow yourself to be walked on. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah I do. I think I should get about defining boundaries but the thing is, I do have boundaries, it is just that these girls make that comment after 2 hours of knowing me. I do not know whether it is a reflection on them or me. I am inclined to go with the latter for weird depressing reasons.

Hi! There!!

It's always nice to know that there is still nice guys like you in the world. There's not much of your kind left.

So the answer to your question is, "Stay the wonderfull guy you are." Just remember, treat people the way you want yourself to be treated. Doesn't matter whether their being arseholes, you don't have to be an arsehole aswell. Remember you are a unique guy. We all are unique. Just a pitty that some people go through life blindly.

I wish you Peace and much Love!!!

Mwah!!!!

Thanks a lot katja for your comments. .... but it is not as easy as that. Unfortunately.

Although i would say that over the past two weeks, i have come to realise that I have much more comfortable conversations with women atleast 4 years older to me and I simply cannot somhow talk to women my age( I am 21). And I do not know how many older women would be interested in a man 4 years younger.

Hussain

[vashti]

I laugh at myself and make jokes, but i have made it a point to not indulge foul language or behaviour. And I hope that I do not have to change that point.

I am not sure what you mean here. Do you demonstrate that you are offended by foul language, or do you simply not participate in it?

Yeah I do. I think I should get about defining boundaries but the thing is, I do have boundaries, it is just that these girls make that comment after 2 hours of knowing me. I do not know whether it is a reflection on them or me. I am inclined to go with the latter for weird depressing reasons.

It is probably a combination of both. I think it is okay for example to say to a girl (lightly) "Aww, come on! You are too pretty to talk like a sailor" rather than to shake your head disapprovingly, saying nothing, when they do. This would establish in the nicest possible way that you disapprove of swearing and sets up a boundary.

Although i would say that over the past two weeks, i have come to realise that I have much more comfortable conversations with women atleast 4 years older to me and I simply cannot somhow talk to women my age( I am 21). And I do not know how many older women would be interested in a man 4 years younger.

Hussain

I think if you want to date women four years older until the girls your age catch up to your maturity level, that is fine (assuming you can find ones who are willing). In the mean time, is it possible for you to look for more conservative girls perhaps through your mosque (assuming you belong to one)? It seems like there would be a better chance of you meeting a more traditional girl in that sort of environment.

[mhussain]

Do you demonstrate that you are offended by foul language, or do you simply not participate in it?

At first I always thought that I should tell them that I do appreciate it but I never have. I just don't participate in it.

I think if you want to date women four years older until the girls your age catch up to your maturity level, that is fine (assuming you can find ones who are willing). In the mean time, is it possible for you to look for more conservative girls perhaps through your mosque (assuming you belong to one)? It seems like there would be a better chance of you meeting a more traditional girl in that sort of environment.

I dont know. I seriously don't know. I go to a mosque, yes but the women there have honestly much better options to pick from. I have no idea.

[vashti]

I go to a mosque, yes but the women there have honestly much better options to pick from. I have no idea.

If you feel somehow inadequate, then you ought to set some goals for self-improvement. Actually setting goals and working towards them is a very good way to not ONLY improve yourself as a person, but also boosts your self-esteem.

In what ways do you feel inferior to other guys your age with regards to personal development?

[enterprise]

Havn't posted here in a while been a bit busy. Anyway i feel the same way as him. I l don't know why, but i feel as if girls have better choices than me. I'm not the smartest guy in the world (expect in all hebrew classes (cept language), math and history. Which i don't think is so bad. I don't see myself as looking very good, i need a haircut but couldnt go this weekend, need to go next. I cannot approach girls, unless i have broken the ice before enough times, usually a school project helps with that. And well i don't do sports, and don't watch a lot of the same tv as they do (i like the oldies), same with music.

Although this is about me and not him i also need help here, and can you say what you mean by goals, i need a self esteem boost.

[vashti]

Enterprise - if the source of your feelings of inadequacy lies in your appearance, then have a girl you really trust (a sister or cousin or very close friend) make some suggestions for improvement. Try not to be sensitive and remember that most girls don't mind if their guy isn't as pretty as they are.

If you feel inadequate because you are less acomplished in other areas, then you need to work toward bettering yourself. It isn't really about being the BEST at something, but rather it is a matter of feeling good about yourself and proud of something you do. Do you have any hobbies? If you don't, get one. I don't mean X box or computer games, either.

[eyedin]

I reckon you should be yourself, if being "nice" is just an act, i think girls see right through it, girls do like nice guys but it must be genuine, just acting nice to score with a chick is not the way to go.

[vashti]

mhussain is genuinely a "nice" guy.

[enterprise]

What kind of hobbies, i don't even know exactly what a hobby is.

[vashti]

A hobby is some sort of interest you pursue primarily for pleasure. For some people, it is sports, others might like art or performing. Because of your age, I suggest you get involved in some sort of school activity - drama or music or choir or youth groups - stuff like that. You can also look into school clubs. Not only does it look nice on a college application, it also puts you in contact with lots of different kinds of people.

[Junket]

One of my hobbies is videogames.

Lots and lots of videogames...

It's the only escape I have from the world...

I swear it's not an obsession.