Keep on waiting?

[Tiou]

Okay I'm new here, but I need some advice:

3 or 4 months ago I went to a party of a friend of mine, after some time this pretty girl walks in and I felt attractive to her, so we talked a little and I liked her more and more. I went to get a drink and when I came back I saw her dancing with a very good friend of mine. They kept on touching each other and I was furious at him. The next 2 or 3 weeks it looked(the weren't) like they where bf and gf. My 'friend' was going on an holiday and when he came back, she had 'dumped' him. Only a week later I thought I was going to make my move so I asked her out. But she said she had an other bf. So we (my 'friend' and I) where actually both like 'what the hell..?' I let the situation rest a little but I kept liking her very much. We talked a bit on MSN messenger but that's it.
After some weeks I figured out that her bf cheated on her so they broke up. So I asked again, she said OK: Only a date, but nothing more (cause she didn't wanted another bf yet).
We kept on talking on msn the next few days and I really thought I loved her, but I only saw here once at the party, rest of the time I only talked to her on msn. Anyways, Talking became flirting and we started using a webcam (normally). I also asked her what kind of music she liked, she said that depends on her mood. When she's in love she listens very quiet music, but now she listens everything on her mp3 player. But just one hour later I hear her listening very quiet music on the background while we where camming. Then this one night she went out, and she asked to me if I would come with her and her friends. I didn't because she asked me to bring some friends of mine also, but it was allready to late to call them. So I refused her request. The same night she called me at 3am to tell me that she thought I was cute (very seriously, though she had been drinking). I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking of her till 5:30 am.
I finally went to visit her (this is where the bad things start:)
We both didn't knew what to say because it was a rather unexpected visit. So we where most of the time just staring to each other. We agreed to go to the movie together 3 days later. But the next day she was very bad-tempered and the day after also, so I was kinda worried about our date. At the 'date-day' she called me and she was in a very good mood, a part of the conversation was like:
me: When do I have to pick you up?
her: Uuh, about that: a friend of mine asked if I would go swimming with her, and instead of a movie we can go swimming together? You can bring a friend too!

We discussed it some time, and after she pushed me a bit I finally agread to go swimming and bring a friend (but I actually liked it more to go to the movie with only the 2 of us). She also said that her little brother would come too (I was again like 'what the hell')

She arrived earlier then us because she practically lives near the swimming pool. But when we arrived I saw it was very busy and it took us a while to find her. When I finally found her I said 'hi'. The only thing she said was also 'hi' and then she went on swimming with her friend and her little brother. I thought this was a bit weird and I decided to talk to my own friend about it in an other part of the pool. After some time I tried to start a conversation with her but in the middle of the conversation she went away. I tried this 3 more times and then my friend and I went home. We where both like 'what the hell' (agian, surprise, surprise). I discussed it a little and somebody said she might brought her little brother and her friend because she was a little unsure about the whole situation. Anyways I felt pretty good ignored.

The same evening I talked to her on MSN messenger again. I told her that I felt pretty ignored and then she said sorry, but she had to look after her little brother because it was very busy and if anything would happen she was the one to blame. We talked a bit about it and I asked her if a movie maybe isn't such a bad idea for a next time. So I asked her if we would go to the movie sometimes instead of swimming. Then she said she was very busy and didn't knew if she would go out with me or not (she has a lot of tests on school this week). So she said she would tell me the IF's and the WHEN's about it. This was 2 weeks ago, her tests will end tomorrow. We only talked a bit on MSN, but those where only 'normal' conversations, she didn't mentioned anything about another date.

What should I do? Wait longer? Ask her again? What should I do? I still can't keep my mind of her, I still really like her...

We are both 17 btw... And sorry for all the mistakes I made while writing this text, my English isn't very good...

pls help!

[vashti]

Don't worry about your English; it's fine.

I think this girl is avoiding being alone with you because she is uncomfortable with face-to-face dialogue in your presence. This is a very common problem with e-relationships. They give you a false sense that there is an actual relationship there, when there really isn't. Real relationships require actual contact because so much of our attractions are based on physical cues which cannot be transmitted electronically.

I don't think things are going to work out with this girl. I suggest you learn what you can from this encounter and move on, my friend.

[Gigabitch]

I wish I could give you some hope, but I think you should just listen to Vashti.

[Tiou]

But I want to make this a non- e-relationship, she doesn't live far away so I'm able to go there like every day if I want to, and believe me, if she just asks me if I would come over, I would! I'm just waiting if I hear anything from her so we can go out again and I can see her in real life and maybe we can make a relationship in real life. The problem is that I just don't know if I'll hear anything from her if I won't start a conversation or ask her out again myself. I really like this girl and I feel kinda lonely when I'm not talking to her.

If I may say this, maybe it's kinda weird: I'm pretty relieved after i typed my story, I was kinda down before, but now I feel a bit more happy...

[vashti]

Yes, but she has to be equally interested, and I don't think it sounds like she is.

[Tiou]

Yeah, I guess she is.
Thx for the advice, feel a lot more relieved now, even though it is 'bad news'..

[vashti]

Try to look at this as a "weeding out" process. Now there is one less girl standing in the way of the girl who was meant for you.

[Tiou]

Whaha, I don't like it, but I'll try, thx

[Gigabitch]

Try to look at this as a "weeding out" process. Now there is one less girl standing in the way of the girl who was meant for you.

Nice one! You're on fire today...

[Tiou]

Shiiiit

Ok so I talked to that girl on msn yesterday... and it was just a regular talk, with webcam and voicechat on... till she said she was going to watch a scary movie... alone. So I said (as a joke) if I needed to join her. And she said no, her mother wouldn't like it if I would come that late in the evening, and she said something else, but 'swallowed her words' (if you know what I mean). So I asked what she said... and she said that I may expect too much from it. So I asked what she meant by that, because I allready knew she didn't want a bf for a while. And then she said she saw me as a very good friend of hers where she could have a very good chat and she was able to laugh with, but noting more...
I actually prepared for this kind of answer, but I was kinda shocked... My eyes went 'teary' and had to go out of the webcam's and voicechat reach for a while (if you know what I mean)... when I came back I said what feelings I had for her, because I wanted to let her know, and if I wouldn't have said it then I was affraid she never knew what I felt for her. Then it looked like she was crying or so (but she was taking some medicine against head-ache, I only haven't saw anyone crying taking one), anyways she felt very bad because she hurt me she said... But she still wanted to be very good friends with me...
I know I have to let her go out of my mind, but I can't stop thinking about her. I really like her and I don't know how I can get her out of my mind...

What I appreciate is that she told it to me very nicely, and not like something as I don't want you, **** off... you know... anyways... any suggestions?
pls help

[Tiou]

lol.. many replies

Anyways... We've spoken saturday on msn again with webcam and voice. And since then I'm totally confused. And since you don't know me or her, I think I can tell you what happend, because she said she trusted me on this.
She said she had to go to away that day, and when I talked to her, she was allready back. So I asked how things where going, and what she had done that day. And she said everything was pretty good and that she bought a sweater. Then I asked her to show it to me and she was like 'Ok, wait, I have to put it on first'. So I thought she was going to change clothes, and she was actually... but... in front of the webcam (she didn't forgot about the cam, this was on purpous).
I didn't knew what I had to think of this, but she said she was able to trust me on this so she didn't had to go away. But is this what more girls do? After they say they don't want you?

My hopes came back a little and so I sended her the day after a pretty long email about how I felt about her and that I truly loved her. I said I was doing this via mail because she never wanted me to go to her place. In the mail I said she didn't needed to reply because she also had troubles with replying to me at that friday she said she didn't wanted me. But I couldn't stand it that I didn't got an answer back, so I called her that night. And we talked about everything pretty long (I phoned for like 45 mins). But there where times I felt over my own words and I wanted to ask her how she felt exactly, but I couldn't explain how to ask. So the conversation was pretty messy. Then she said to me that I needed to write it down on paper, and call her back in about 10 mins. So I did that, and it helped me pretty good.
I don't know axactly what she replied, but what I kinda understanded of the conversation was that I was very close to having her, but I screwed it when she noticed I was pretty shy. She likes me pretty much I think, but she wants someone spontanious because she is also very shy herself.
Damn I hate myself right now for being shy and all. I haven't slept tonight because I kept on thinking about her words, I even threw up that night.

I just sended her another email, I said that I was sorry for bothering her again for asking about it all, and if she ever was going to change her mind and wants me after some time, I would be very pleased to hear it. But I wouldn't start about it again and I was going to talk to her as 'normal' friends.

Have I done the right thing? And do you have some advice for me about how I can set her out of my mind a bit, because I have a pretty busy week at school with lots of tests, I allready screwed the one up I had today.

Pls help, thx!

[Gigabitch]

She's messing with you, and you're making it easy. That's fine, as long as you slap yourself really hard right now and stop expecting her to reciprocate your feelings. That is not going to happen. That is not the relationship you have with her. You are her bitch, not her boyfriend.