There it goes again.

[Killerbabe]

There it goes again. And guess what? Same thing. My ex~

This is killing me. I really don't know what's going on. I don't know what's wrong!!! One thing I know for sure: I'm not overreacting. It's not my imagination. But it's killing me. Torturing me. And I feel helpless. Nothing I can do about it. Nothing I know i can do about it. Nothing to give me hope. Nothing to hope for. Nothing. No hope. No nothing....at least for now.
Or is there something?

We haven't seen each other for over a month. After that we met. Couple weeks ago. I know I changed - but he noticed that too. That day I could see the way he was looking at me: it's undescribable. Doesn't mean that he fell in love though. It's just that he noticed that I'm not so desperate for him anymore...Maybe that made me look attractive. We spent so much time simply talking. But I was talking major time. But I could feel that he was eager to listen or talk to me. Then we watched a movie. Then he left. Then, after five minuted he called me from his cellphone - he said something like ' in case I haven't told you yet - you looked wonderful today'. Moving on. He left Moscow the next day. In a day or two he sms'ed me something like "Thanks for that night, I had fun." And another one:"I wish I could sing along 'everything about you is so easy to love'...i noticed you changed and like it...a few things going through my mind since then..." I asked him what was going through his mind and he replied:"Just want to say, the more mature you get, the more I like yourpersonality over your obviously stunning looks. keep at it, ur becoming an even better person!" Those words made my heart soar...only days later I received another sms: "You love being the center of attention, the heart of the party, and that's what I can't totally embrace in you"
Later on, in two weeks or so, he came back, and we met again. It was a national holiday, so we went out for a walk...it was really nice. I even got myself those silly pink ears!
Couple days later we met again. Today. We watched "Bridget Jones Diary" over at my place. Then we had some tea and we ate. but something was wrong. I could feel it. This vague feeling crept into my mind the previous time we met, but this time it suddenly arose in me, and now there's nothing I can do about it. It's in me. It's stealing my thoughts. All through the evening i felt like he was bored with me..like there was something he was thinking lately, but wouldn't tell me. Like something WAS wrong. Dunno what it is. But i feel that I'm not as important to him as i was before. I want to save our friendship! I can't afford to lose him by any means!! And i just can't face the fact that our friendship can wither just because we're not dating anymore!!!
Also, yeaterday, I talked to his ex(they keep in touch) and she said that he *did* talk about me in his last email. However, she didn't tell me what he said. but obviously something is going on.
What if he doesn't want to stay fiends anymore? What if he thinks that we better not keep in touch because...i dunno, maybe he thinks that I love him? I know that guys hate when girls love them against their own will. But he should know that I'm over him. Am I?..or am I not? Whatever the answer, I will not let it steal our freindship!
And still this keeps spinning in my mind an it's driving me crazy, and it's absolutely crazy...and i've gone crazy...

[Justinfirelake]

I think your coming on to him to strong back of baby give him some room.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I dunno about that. It sounds like maybe he's falling for you again yet knows you are over him. This would explain why he and his ex won't say anything and why he sent those little messages about you maturing. I dont believe, by any means, that he feels it best to just shut off the friendship. If that was how he felt then it would be from a feeling of his inadequacy to satisfy the newer more mature you. I think he's just starting to like you again so he's pushing himself away some to deal with those feelings. Of course, as is usual, I could be wrong. Hope that helps.

[Killerbabe]

Aekk, I really hope you're right this time!! :?

[Illusional]

hrmm...*gives you the educated look*, well this is how i see his reaction to taken notice of the new you. being that the two of you basically didn't have contact for what...a month or so, of course seeing you again will take his breath away. being that he has seen you change? i'm not sure if you had really changed all that much in the short period of time but if you did, that's good for you. how so though, can only one person change? both are willing right?? or both people are supposed to change so do you feel that he's changed at all? you know why your last relationship didn't work with him and do you still see those same problems there or are the just hidden underneath his alluring entrapment? i know that you're still attracted to him so don't let this quick trip down memory road be the only reason that you give him a second chance.

secondly...i doubt that i'll move too fast the second go around if that's what you decide. i know that your ex has probably or infact has said something to his ex, BUT remember that this might just be inflatuation on his part. yes he might want to give you the world and make all your dreams come true, but then again, will he actually do it? words and actions are two different things and in reality, they are supposed to go hand in hand but always seem to stray apart. i'll leave it up to you for now. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Illusional obviously knows more about the actual situation that I do. Keep us posted on what you decide and how things go.

[Illusional]

why not ask the lovemaster..because afterall, isn't he supposed to be a master in love?? oh where could thou art be? shrugs, and you tell me my mother's calling? :roll: raverboy

[Killerbabe]

lol, Illusional fights back.
Well, things are betting better, I guess. I called him yesterday right when i came home, and we had a really nice talk. He seemed really friendly and everything. And he even said that he'll get the tickets today for this movie we've wanted to see. So we're gonna watch a movie tomorrow)

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Nice, I told you I had a feeling he didn't wanna end the friendship.

[Illusional]

maybe it's the fact that i'm biased towards this situation but i would always be aware that he is after something else. this is just me, so i would be cautious. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Oh yeah, he IS a guy....just watch him and make sure you know his intentions.

[Killerbabe]

Uhhh...interesting theory gentlemen. But in realty, I *would* want him to have some intentions, you know. Unless you're talking about something else... :?:
Anyway, it's nine am, and I MISSED the movie!!!! DOGGONE IT! We were gona meet at 8.40...but I couldn't even hear the alarm clock!!! I totally missed it! And somehow, mysteriously, i woke up right at nine to hear his phone call! &^%#*&^%)&*%&%$#%$#$&(^)^& &(%^&#$^@#%
Oh damn! I guess he's pretty "mad"... :oops:

[Illusional]

well i'm giving the intentions that he only wants to back for a short period of time, nothing serious but then i can always be wrong. i dunno the whole story, so like i said before, i'm biased. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Well, the intentions I was referring to were that of using you. In what form could vary. But maybe you missing the movie with him shows him that you aren't going to fall all over your feet for him and do anything but I would definately reschedule to show him you aren't a bitch. One other point.....you were going out to see a movie in the morning?

[Killerbabe]

Haha, yeah)
We're pretty busy you know. Besides they had it only in the morning, I guess it's not that popular any more. And besides, I had to stay at the university pretty late that day.
But now you got me thinking about the whole thing. Why would he wanna use me? I mean we're great frieds, and why would he wanna hurt me? I really do trust him. Zekk, could YOU do something like that to that cute angel girl you were talking about in Staurday's thread?!