Very confused over recent breakup, becoming friends

[seingold]

As a quick summary, I met a wonderful girl my senior year of college. It was my first real relationship, her second. She was a sophomore. We continued dating after graduation, very serious. After about two years, she broke up with me two weeks ago. It wasn't nasty, just a lot of tears about how I didn't listen to her enough and it just wasn't working out. Deep down inside I know she was right to end it.

After about a week, we started hanging out again, hooking up, basically doing all the stuff we did as boyfriend/girlfried. Going to movies, holding hands, sleeping in each other's arms. She made it very clear repeatedly that there was no hope of us going back out though, and that i'd have to accept us as just being very close friends with benefits. She is wearing a very risque outfit to a halloween party this Wednesday, so last night I "jokingly" asked her if she was going to save herself (as in sexually) for me next weekend. She replied "Well i'll be pretty drunk, who knows what'll happen." That flipped a switch for me and made me realize I can't accept the fact that she'll hook up with other guys. I told her i was sorry, and that I wasn't ready for us to be friends like this yet and I think I shouldn't see her for a while until I am ready. She got very upset, lots of crying, is mad at me. I left her place at 2am last night and drove the 35 minutes to home. I'm very confused and upset now. Do you think she wants the best of all worlds? What can be done here? It's so hard to shut her out of my life, i really care for the girl.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, my God. This is really not good for you. Apparently, neither you nor she have any idea what it means to break up with someone.

Here it is: When you break up, you're no longer supposed to have sex with the other person. You generally stop dating them, and sleeping in each other's arms is right out. Her sexy outfit for Halloween and plans to get drunk and whatever else should bother you, because you just broke up.

Did you hear that? YOU BROKE UP.

Now quit torturing yourself and move on.

[vashti]

You have to care more for yourself than for her. If you can't continue this FWB arrangement without causing yourself pain, then you are absolutely right in cutting her off completely.

[Gigabitch]

You have to care more for yourself than for her. If you can't continue this FWB arrangement without causing yourself pain, then you are absolutely right in cutting her off completely.

I think FWB actually stands for "****ing Weird Bullshit".

[seingold]

Giga maybe you have advice how to get over her then. It's my first real gf and breakup, and I just can't help but think of all the great times we had. And she's model-pretty and very smart, going to med school next year. I try to remind myself of what i hated about her, very short tempered, impatient, everything always had to be her way, but I can't help but feel the positives heaily outweighed the negatives. Shutting her out of my life is so hard, since even yesterday we were having great times, going to the movies, shopping, out to dinner, taking a walk, but at the same times i know it's so messed up.

[Gigabitch]

It hurts just to hear about it, actually.

Look, you can't get around this. You have to go through it, and it's really messy. You and she are both in denial about something, and I'm not sure what. Either you're broken up, and you don't want to face it, or you're still together and just doing this really weird thing. it sounds like it's mostly her problem, but it's necessarily something you're going to have to sort out because she won't.

I think you should have the "real" breakup talk. Tell her that if you're through, you have to stop seeing her in order to move forward in your life without her. If she's not willing to do that, you're not actually broken up.

[SWLR]

Time is the only thing that will help you get over her, you are most likely to hear that 1,000 times.

Be kind to yourself, cut all contact... I know it's difficult, but you'll be thankful you did.

Your just causing yourself more pain.. and it won't get better like this

[Gigabitch]

^^^ Listen to that guy, he knows what he's talking about.

[AlefBet]

Yeahh... Girls like to keep old boyfriends as friends - just in case. We hate to be alone...
Men are strange too. They enjoy suffering...
I am sure one moment her charm will go away and you'll be fine.
Wish you a quick recovery.

[seingold]

She just doesnt get it. She calls me today and thinks i'm joining her Saturday night at a halloween party. I told her no, I need time to heal, and I don't know how long it will take. She got mad because she had suggested that to start with, and I told her I was ready to be friends. I know I was wrong there, and I apologized to her, I told her I thought I could handle it but I was wrong. Lots of crying on her end, wishing I could have just listened to her when we were going out. It's ugly, it seems she doesn't want me out of her life, but she doesnt want to go out with me. I have no intention of hanging out with her until I know I can be around her and not want more. I do not want to completely lose this girl though. She leaves far away for med school at the end of the school year and I will probably never see her after that. We had great times and I want to be able to be friends and enjoy some of the time she has left here. What are your thoughts?

[vashti]

I have no intention of hanging out with her until I know I can be around her and not want more.

I think that is the right attitude, whether or not you can get there before she goes to medical school. No point in rubbing salt into a wound, is there?

[SONOIL]

DO NOT!!! I REPEAT, DO NOT EVER STAY FRIENDS WITH YOUR EXES!!! Now since you've read this.... You should cut off all contacts.......no phone calls, no hanging out, no movies......... NOTHING. The bitch is trying to keep you as a spare tire... I just got out off 4 year relationship myself, and we were engaged. We were apart for 4 months now and i hadn't had any contact (accept for verifying engagement ring tracking). Yes I still have memories and nostalgic moments sometimes, but I understand that i don't need this kind of person and so should you! It was her choice, not yours! You should cut her, and as every cut......first it'll bleed, then it'll seal, and then it'll heel. Think what do you need in the future with the person like her, on top of everything she's SLUT. Don't feel bad, just walk away.

[Alex Nova]

Time is the only thing that will help you get over her, you are most likely to hear that 1,000 times.

Be kind to yourself, cut all contact... I know it's difficult, but you'll be thankful you did.

Your just causing yourself more pain.. and it won't get better like this

Yep good post!

Also you need to "fill" that gap right now.. meaning find a new girl, not necesarrily to date but to hang out with, kiss, cuddle, sex et.

//STOP SPAMMING//

[Gigabitch]

Yep good post!

Also you need to "fill" that gap right now.. meaning find a new girl, not necesarrily to date but to hang out with, kiss, cuddle, sex et.

Yeah, the last thing you want to do right now is deal with your problems and heal your wounds.....

[lovesjoyajm]

Yeah, the last thing you want to do right now is deal with your problems and heal your wounds.....

+1. Finding a new girl may be the perfect way to extinguish the remains of a crush, but don't use it to get over a serious relationship.