guys..its never going to stop is it?

[cyclops]

i am sorry if this gets a bit long, but you need almost the full story.
been with man for almost 6 years,living together for 3.
I have to go away quite a bit for work, on average 1 week per month.One time when i got back i logged into OUR email account (we share one computer and share an email account apart from our own msn addys) and there were various emails from him to someone else, i confronted him and he said he never met the person, the next day i confirmed this by emailing the person. It really hit my trust hard and it hurt me, i wasnt the same with my man for a few weeks.he promised me it wouldnt happen again and slowly things started to get back to normal.
i went away again and this time i was scared of what was going to happen.i got back home and found he had joined various dating/cam/meet for sex sites. i didnt say anything at first, i wanted to find stuff out first cause i figured if he lied to me when i brought it up with him i would have proof. im the kind of person that wants to know why they are being hurt, and i will do anything to get to the bottom of it, so i got a programme that lists the websites visited, with dates and times, i made a print out of the pages and gave them to him the next day. i know what i did was wrong and will prob be seen as pycotic, he got home that night crying saying he was truly sorry blah blah i was on the verge of leaving, he slept on couch for 2 months. he wrote me a letter at work one day explaining why he did it, how much he loved me etc, yes i had him back and we agreed to go to councelling together, soon things got back to normal and things seemed good again, he knew i still had a trust issue and he seemed to help me with that by keeping history on on his comp/writing blogs about his feelings when i was away etc.
the councelling ended a few months ago and our relationship felt the way it did when we first met. I havenet looked at his email for two months, i turned the history off on the comp long ago because i was trying my hardest to trust him again.
anyway, this is going to sound really pathetic but i was reading something on a different forum, sex tips to spice things up and it gave me an idea of something we had never done before, it basically said to writie everything you want to do to partner and put the note somewhere he will deff see it. i wrote a list of things i wanted to do to him that night when he got home from work, folded it up and put it in his wallet (as that is the only thing he takes to work) as i opened his wallet a post it note fell out, he had wrote down a new email address and password. i tried to log in and it isnt activated yet, the thing thats in my head is im going away in 3 days so it doesnt take a genious to work out when hes planning on using it. its never going to stop is it? i havent said anything to him, and its so obvious that hes going to think i was snooping, i just feel so useless

[Gigabitch]

No, I don't think it is ever going to stop. You need to think about alternate futures to pursue.

[vashti]

Given his history, I don't think you can ever believe he will change. Now you have to decide if you want to live with it.

BTW - since he has f*cked up on more than one occassion, I don't think he deserves your trust, so don't feel guilty for not being an idiot.

[Rosebud]

6 years is a long time, but you have trusted him over and over again and he has repeatedly broken that bond between you two. He's obviously not being honest with you at all, and telling you why he's doing all this, so the only thing you can do is assume.

And th factor that you did do your best to trust him and he repeated himself just shows he thinks he can get away with it because he has before, so you have to put foot down, and really figure ot if you want to deal with this or not.

[NeoSeminole]

stay with him.

[BFTrick]

Hmmm while you can guess what he has the new email for, you shouldnt. Just because you are 85% certain he is doing XYZ things with his email doesnt mean you should assume he is. And i wouldnt gamble on a 6 year relationship.

Just to see if from the other side - I would get a new email address if i was him, whether or not i do bad things with it, i would like my own email...I like my privacy.

So it could be innocent.

And i dont quite understand what he is doing with the internet/email. He joined some dating sites (or meet up for sex sites)?

Well i guess you could go swinging with him if you were into that....but yea it honestly doesnt look good.

But even though he joined these sites you shouldnt have been snooping, you shouldnt have downloaded that program.

gl.

[vashti]

stay with him.

No. Get rid of him before you do something stupid like marry him.

[NeoSeminole]

don't listen to vashti. You obviously love him since you've been with the same guy for 6 yrs. Do you want to throw everything away b/c of a silly password?

[vashti]

I vote yes. Get out while the getting is good.

[King Zarathu]

Maybe you have trust issues, but it doesn't mean he can't change. You guys did go to counseling, so it's possible that he realized he made mistakes.

I think it's a bad idea to share a user and for you to watch his history and all of that bullshit. You're not his mom, you're his girlfriend. You don't need to snoop like that, that's just plain nonsense.

Also, vashti is wrong. She's always wrong. Always. Neo is wrong too, because I wasn't the one that said it.

[dreamer101]

umm .. i hate to point this out but don't make decisions like these based on assumptions. yes, he has a bad history, yes you found a email/password, and the reasons behind your suspicions are valid. but confront them. don't hide them. ask him whats going on. and be blunt about your need to know the truth. because you have the right to know. then make the decision.

...you looking at his wallet, history etc. i wouldn't call that snooping. if i spend 6 years with somebody i'd look through their wallet whenever i feel like it. and not that i am saying you are feeling insecure, but everybody does every now and then, and given his history i wouldn't blame you. so if he says you are snooping snap him in half.

and don't feel useless, you have plenty of options ok. take control.

[E-Hero Candyman]

If he still is going to these sites you could try something a friend of mne had done when she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her and that is to sign up to one of these sites pretending to be someone else and contact him through it and see what he does.

Whatever he does with you will probably be the same thing he does with other women.

Personally, if I made a new email address I can say with 100% certainty that I would keep it next to or near my computer. I wouldnt be carrying it around with me in my wallet.

I am really sorry that this is happening to you and people here are going to have different opinions on what he may or may not be doing. I feel that he is doing something. I dont know what. I dont know how many people he has been with before meeting you. Prehaps he just wants a bit of online only excitement and thrill seeking and is afraid of your reaction.

But if you bring it up without anything substantial to back it up, he'll probably deny it, cool off for a while, then get back to it.

[vashti]

I just don't understand why people are willing to invest so much of their time into a relationship where there trust has been broken so profoundly. I think that level of commitment is understandable if you are involved in a marriage and have some kiddies, but not if you are able to walk away. There are decent, worthy, single people in the world who are looking for a good catch. Why bother? Trust is easy to break, but hard to rebuild.

[misombra]

dump him.
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