Help on apologizing!

[purplelove]

Hi everyone!

I am new here. I need help! My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. We have been having arugments on and off for about 6 months now. Mostly about my problem with making love. I don't want it as much as he does. Or I should say I am always too tired or I have some excuse. I really do want to make love to him just as much as he wants it but I dont let him. I know its my hang up and trying to work on it. But he just told me today that he was going away for a couple days so I could do some thinking. And figuring out what I really want. What I need help on is how do I tell him I'm sorry and that I really want to work on our problems and really mean it. I've told him this before but nothing has changed on my part. It's just a bunch of empty promises. I want him more than anything. But I don't know what to do now to show him this. I am lost. Can anyone help?

[vashti]

Why are you less interested in sex? Do you have a lesser libido (and has it changed), is he any good in the sack, and are you taking birth control pills?

The reason I ask is because many women experience less of a sex drive when taking birth control pills, and sometimes this can be fixed by changing the prescription.

On the other hand, sometimes younger males are selfish or inexperienced in bed, and therefore sleeping with them is no great pleasure.

Or, are you just using sex to punish him? Because doing that is stupid. It also punishes YOU.

[derm]

Hi everyone!

I am new here. I need help! My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. We have been having arugments on and off for about 6 months now. Mostly about my problem with making love. I don't want it as much as he does. Or I should say I am always too tired or I have some excuse. I really do want to make love to him just as much as he wants it but I dont let him. I know its my hang up and trying to work on it. But he just told me today that he was going away for a couple days so I could do some thinking. And figuring out what I really want. What I need help on is how do I tell him I'm sorry and that I really want to work on our problems and really mean it. I've told him this before but nothing has changed on my part. It's just a bunch of empty promises. I want him more than anything. But I don't know what to do now to show him this. I am lost. Can anyone help?

Mmmm, had a girl once who used to treat me like that. We only ever met when she had broke up with someone else and I was out of a relationship too. She would call me up and tell me how much she wanted me to........whatever

When we'd just start getting close towards the end of the night she'd push me off and make some excuse that it was her 'time of the month' or whatever. It wouldn't be and the following day she would admit that and appologise. I guess it was her way of being in control and she got off knowing it fustrated me.

Anyhow in the end I had had enough of her games and of being used. Even though I was crazy about her I decided to never hook up with her again...and to this day I havn't.

So be careful don't use sex as a barganing tool or use it to reward or punish your BF. If ye are having problems talk to him and sort them out before ye get to the bedroom

Good luck

[Gigabitch]

Did you ever want sex more than you do right now? Were you hot for him in the beginning, and it's cooled off?

Sometimes, in fact most of the time, other problems you are having in your relationship will come out in the bedroom. Are you completely, totally happy with him otherwise?

Do you have sexual feelings for others?

[jurupa]

Another possiblity is that your work life and daily life have become more stressfull in the past 6 months (I would guess it has been going on for more like 10 months), and is getting to your sex drive because your overall body is tired from the stress that is created from work and life.

[purplelove]

thank you for the responses. They do make a lot of sense and hit the problem dead on. There are other problems going on and they are coming out in the bedroom. I want to work these problems out but am at deadlock. How do I get myself to follow through with what I promise to fix. He has heard it all before and I want to show him that it will change.

[jurupa]

Take baby steps. Work on one problem that is the "easiest" to work on and start from there. I bet if you do this and keep with it your boyfriend will see that you are working on it and will start to back off on bring up the problems. And your boyfriend will most probbaly let a few of the problems go, sex will not be on of them, once he see's that you are making progress on working and have fixed the problems you need to fix. Also just becuase he may let a couple of the problems go doesn't mean you don't need to work on them.

And don't take on to manny problems at the same time. Once you have fix one and know what you need to to to keep it fix or near fix, work on another one and do the same thing with that one and keep on going like this until all of them are basically fix. Once you got that done, the hard part is making sure they stay fix and you don't loose sight of them either, ir become lazy.

[Junket]

He has heard it all before and I want to show him that it will change.

You better.

Talk is cheap.

Action is everything.

[purplelove]

I know I need to show him with my actions how I am going to change. But how do we get over me hurting him so much. He feels really dirty and he says like a criminal when he wants to touch me. I don't and didn't intend for him to feel this way. Why should I expect him to forgive me and be with someone who made him feel this way? I do I get him to realize that I was telling him my true feelings and as a result I hurt him so badly that he doesn't know if he can get over it?

[vashti]

I think you should provide a bit more detail about the true nature of your problems. What did you tell him that "hurt him so badly"?

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like you have some major sexual issues. Maybe you should get some help with that and quit torturing your poor, confused bf.