Is it ok to care this much, this way for two people?

[alana]

I've always appreciated this forum, and have accepted a lot of good advice. But this is my first post here. I mean, usually I'll try to go with my own decisions, but this has been bugging me for a long time.

I met a lot of my best friends ("the guys" ^^;; ) about three years ago, but just recently found out what's been going on. It turns out one of my friends, Ryan, has liked me for a LONG time, and obviously cares a lot about me - like I care a lot about him. But another one of my friends, Michael, likes me a lot, as well. But I suppose it's become some kind of "rule" between all the guys that they can't like me, since Ryan "liked me first". ...and Michael just finally admitted to liking me for a long time a few weeks ago. But it's extremely frustrating... because it's as if I've been labeled "Ryan's girl", and if Michael ever talks to me one-on-one, all of them always pull him aside and say stuff like, "Why are you talking to her alone?! Back off!"

Like I said, that frustrates me enough, but to make it worse, I really care a lot about both of them. I like them both, and that makes me feel really horribe. ...I mean, I guess because I've never been one to have "crushes" or fall in love that easily, let alone with two guys at the same time. And I know the entire thing sounds kind of immature...

I know this is a VERY vague question - but I was just wondering if anyone could point me in the direction I need to go in the situation. I've talked with both of them a lot about it, too. But it just feels like lately things are getting worse and worse.

I appreciate you reading, and thanks for any help! <: )

[misombra]

i'll go blind if i try reading that...

[Junket]

You're a new poster, so first advice I'll give you...use a larger font, if people can't read, or understand your post you might miss out on valuable advice.

To your little dilemma.

Do you think you might be attracted to them both because they both have shown interest in you?

People have a tendency to gain interest in those who show interest in them, but your situation will only complicate things.

Secondly, you're your own person, they will not, cannot decide who hangs out with you when, where and with whom. The ball is in your court, you must decide what to do with it. You'll have to really analyze them both seperately, and if you decide to choose, risk the friendship of the other.

Quite naturally in the event you do this, there's the possibility that the "loser" may out of desperation insist you all can still be friends. Don't fall for this, there will always be resentment. Always.

Or you could go neutral and pursue nothing with either. But that alone will cause plenty of frustration amongst your group because if they're like any guys I know, they'll still continue to pursue you anyway.

Ever consider just getting a new group of friends?

That aren't guys?

[King Zarathu]

To enlarge the font: Ctrl + Alt + Mouse Wheel Down

[Junket]

Actually Ctrl+Mouse wheel down is all that's necessary.

[King Zarathu]

Haha oops... Depends on the browser. I'm using Firefox for Linux, and Ctrl + MW down slowly fades from color to black and white. Ctrl + Alt + MW down is what makes the font larger for me.

[Junket]

What's the point of linux anyway?

[thinker]

What's the point of linux anyway?

To pwn people like you.


What.

[vashti]

Frasbee's advice is right on.

[Prodigal]

I'd say to take some time away from all of them and try to analyze your feelings, hopefully in some place you won't be disturbed. Like Frasbee said, you need to make the decision yourself.

[King Zarathu]

What's the point of linux anyway?

Hacking, primarily. Most web servers (like this one) use Linux because they think it's most stable. So, people get Linux so that when they run code, the memory system is the same as the server they're attacking and it "hacks" it properly.

That was a very basic explanation....

[alana]

thanks for the advice, Frasbee. I actually liked each of them before I knew they liked me, so I know it isn't just because they've shown interest.

And there ARE a few other girls in our group, but only about 3, so that's what we've just dubbed the group as. *laughs* And I know I could never find new friends, since these all are so important to me.

I think I'll follow you on the decision to just stay neutral. Although we like each other, it's not mandatory we date, and maybe over time things will change and get a little easier?

[Junket]

I think I'll follow you on the decision to just stay neutral. Although we like each other, it's not mandatory we date, and maybe over time things will change and get a little easier?

A wise decision, however don't just be neutral, you have to make sure it is clear that you are neutral to both of them. VERY, VERY CLEAR. What you say and what you do have to mirror eachother for them to take you seriously. So avoid close physical contact and any flirting.

It might be a while before things start to settle down so you'll have to be patient.

In the mean time, why don't you start lookin' for guys outside of the group?

[jurupa]

Hacking, primarily. Most web servers (like this one) use Linux because they think it's most stable. So, people get Linux so that when they run code, the memory system is the same as the server they're attacking and it "hacks" it properly.

That was a very basic explanation....

The point of linux is hacking? Wow thats got to be one of the smartest things I ever heared for linux. not. Linux is one of the most stable operating systems out there. The primary function for linux is for server enivroments, not for hacking ones. I am fully aware of the other uses of linux, and I think it is good that it is being used more in other enivorments.


alana - Things may or may not get easier as time goes on. I think things really depend on how the guys act becuase they seem to create the drama you have to deal with.

[Gigabitch]

In the mean time, why don't you start lookin' for guys outside of the group?

+1. This situation is all about potential problems. Too many people invested, too many feelings to get hurt. Date an outsider.

Then you can come online and tell us about how your friends are trying to undermine your relationship.