Should I care about my girlfriends past?

[Pun1sher]

My girlfriend made some stupid mistakes that she regrets totally. Should I care about her past and what she's done and let it bother me? Me and her realllly like eachother and she sacrifices a lot for me. etc. talking to boys i dont like. We are just really attached to eachohter, we even broke up twice, I broke up with her 2 times and the 2nd time was yesterday and we got back together that night cuz we talked about it. I just really love this girl and sometimes her past bothers me, like she isn't a virgin, and she's had sex a couple times with different guys, but she's totally changed now. She used to do a lot of dumb things but she regrets it all and does none of that now and just loves me, I just know this. As much as she swears on her life and all that, that she will never have sex with those guys and she really means it, I believe her, but now and then her past can kind of bother me. I know she wouldn't do it again, she's cryed to be plenty of times, and she's just a loving girl.

[King Zarathu]

I'm stuck in the very same moral question myself.

This girl has done cocaine, has tattoos, lip and tongue piercings, ****ed guys she wasn't even going out with, and I hate every ****ing part of it. She knows it's her past, she wouldn't do it again, but it sickens the living shit out of me.

I can't really respond because I don't know myself, but I'd like to hear what the others have to say.

[thinker]

First of all; it is (unfortunately imo) very rare to find a girl who hasn't had sex nowadays... most people don't give two shakes of a stick (I know you do; I do too)

Hate to make this analogy, but don't throw the first stone here... I'm sure you have done stupid things that you regret and wish you could go back in time to change; this is one of the biggest parts about growing up; you need to accept and move on and grow form there. I say you are so lucky to find a girl who is first of all honest (it would have been easy i assume for her to lie and hide that) and secondly who does regret this; you say she has "cried" with an "i" plenty of times; I think it is just something you two will need to deal with; there are much worse things she could have done too She sounds like she really does wish she could change; and I think you would be a huge ass to avoid her becuase of that Imagine if people knew every stupid thing you've done and avoided you on those bases... You have found a wonderful girl; there is no reason anything should get in your way.

[thinker]

I'm stuck in the very same moral question myself.

This girl has done cocaine, has tattoos, lip and tongue piercings, ****ed guys she wasn't even going out with, and I hate every ****ing part of it. She knows it's her past, she wouldn't do it again, but it sickens the living shit out of me.

I can't really respond because I don't know myself, but I'd like to hear what the others have to say.

This is a bit different... people usually don't completely change overnight... I would also be worried, suspicious in the least if someone like this claims they have "come clean..."

The first case though just sounds like a one nighter that shouldn't have happened... which is not perfect, but I would say fine as long as she has had a change of heart, which it sounds like she has done in spades...

[vashti]

You have two choices.

1) You accept her AND her past fully, which means you are not allowed to berate her about it anymore, or even bring it up, or even pout about it. EVER.

2) You decide that the girl of your dreams will not have this kind of history, and you leave her.

In my opinion, either choice is perfectly fine so long as you live by your choice honorably. By this I mean you don't pretend to yourself that you will accept her and then drag up her past every time you are upset about something. Keep in mind, though, that lots of teens do stupid things but outgrow their silly behaviors. I would hate being held responsible for some of the crazy things I did when I was a teenager.

[just maibe]

Well it all comes down to if you really care about her. If you care about her as much as you say, why leave her because of her past? Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets. But if you really love her, try to look past it and love her for moving on and realizing she messed up.

[TDurden]

if you really like this girl, then the past is the past, let it go. she says that she's done with that part of her life and you believe her so why create a problem for yourself by holding on to the on bad part about this girl. same thing for you zarathu, if you like this chick and you believe her when she says she's done, then why let it get to you? i've referenced this before and i'll do it again: chasing amy. in my opinion, the best movie out there about relationships, but i mention it because the situation the characters are in in the movie is almost identical to your own. anyway, the point is, if it wasn't sex it'd be something else she'd done. people do stupid shit but its what makes them who they eventually become, just accept her for her and you'll be a lot happier.

[King Zarathu]

Okay; maybe it's the past.

i'm sure you've done [insert bullshit here]

No! Sure, everybody's done stuff that they regret, but I've never done anything permanent. I don't have tattoos, piercings, or any of that bullshit! I have a past too, a past full of emotional bullshit, and I wouldn't want to date somebody with my past because that means that there's a 99% chance that the person is ****ed up. It was only out of luck that I came out okay. [EDIT: Just kidding, tool. I'm not crediting luck, I'm crediting my strength. </ARROGANCE></SELF_ESTEEM>]

Well, that's off-topic, but I've never done something ****ing stupid like taken an extremely addictive drug--that disgusts the living piss out of me! I've never even broken a bone in my life. Back when I was skating (something is coming from vashti, I can feel it) I fell down a good 25-30 times every hour or so, and I just got up and kept going; but I never broke a bone.

Blah.. I don't know where I was going to go with that, but... meh....

Chances are, she's a psyc. ****-up and not worth my time anyway. That's why I stopped talking to her. She had all of that shit and she was abused too as a child, I don't know why I was even talking to her.

[vashti]

Well then, skaterboy, I guess you would chooses number two on my post #5.

BTW - was that figure skating?

[thinker]

Okay; maybe it's the past.


No! Sure, everybody's done stuff that they regret, but I've never done anything permanent. I don't have tattoos, piercings, or any of that bullshit! I have a past too, a past full of emotional bullshit, and I wouldn't want to date somebody with my past because that means that there's a 99% chance that the person is ****ed up. It was only out of luck that I came out okay. [EDIT: Just kidding, tool. I'm not crediting luck, I'm crediting my strength. </ARROGANCE></SELF_ESTEEM>]

Well, that's off-topic, but I've never done something ****ing stupid like taken an extremely addictive drug--that disgusts the living piss out of me! I've never even broken a bone in my life. Back when I was skating (something is coming from vashti, I can feel it) I fell down a good 25-30 times every hour or so, and I just got up and kept going; but I never broke a bone.

Blah.. I don't know where I was going to go with that, but... meh....

Chances are, she's a psyc. ****-up and not worth my time anyway. That's why I stopped talking to her. She had all of that shit and she was abused too as a child, I don't know why I was even talking to her.

Agreed... there are some cases that are too deep to just regret and fix... things that have been so engrained that they have become a part of the person... i.e. I would never date anyone who has touched a cigarette... and would be willing to make an exception if I really really cared for someone and they made a stupid mistake in front of a group of pressuring friends and took a puff years ago in junior high... not that it would justify that for me, just that people do make mistakes, no matter how big or small, and the only way we can recieve mercy and forgiveness is to give it.

[Pun1sher]

First of all; it is (unfortunately imo) very rare to find a girl who hasn't had sex nowadays... most people don't give two shakes of a stick (I know you do; I do too)

Hate to make this analogy, but don't throw the first stone here... I'm sure you have done stupid things that you regret and wish you could go back in time to change; this is one of the biggest parts about growing up; you need to accept and move on and grow form there. I say you are so lucky to find a girl who is first of all honest (it would have been easy i assume for her to lie and hide that) and secondly who does regret this; you say she has "cried" with an "i" plenty of times; I think it is just something you two will need to deal with; there are much worse things she could have done too She sounds like she really does wish she could change; and I think you would be a huge ass to avoid her becuase of that Imagine if people knew every stupid thing you've done and avoided you on those bases... You have found a wonderful girl; there is no reason anything should get in your way.

Yeaah that help a lot. But what are worse things she could've done? She ued to smoke and stuff, not cigs, but weed and all that, even took like pills sometimes. She did a lot of stupid things freshmen year though, and only smoked cigs when she was drunk, and we talked about it and I said not to anymore and we talked and then she said she won't. She don't do any of that stupid shit she did freshmen year now. Her dad cheated on her mom when she was 9 and her ex-boyfriends cheated on her, and she forgave some of them, one guy even twice then broke up with him the 3rd time he did it. One time her boyfriend pushed his friend in a room with her and they had sex, she didn't want to but it just happend. It's not really cheating but I mean she still did it, it wasen't her choice to do it, her boyfriend pushed her friend into doing it. That's the only thing she did with like another guy with a bf.

[Henry123]

For me personally I really dont care of her past as long as she doesnt continue with it. Who hasnt done things in their life that they regretted? It really comes down to her personality. If you find the right person in your life should it matter?

(It seems there may be a deeper reason: pride?, egotism?)

Its 2006 now.

[King Zarathu]

Well then, skaterboy, I guess you would chooses number two on my post #5.

BTW - was that figure skating?

Alright vashey, I'll "chooses" number two.

And NO! Not figure skating you mom!

[url]http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/LTsK8eR2gO/me2.jpg[/url]

^^ Me at age 11-12. Airborne. Yes, I landed it.

[vashti]

Grr... I really must take the time to spell check.

Anyway, that isn't you. I want to see the picture of you looking like this:

[vashti]

Or this: