How forgiving would you be?

[blue toxin]

Sigh... some daytime talk shows have me thinking. I've never been in a situation where this has happened, but I tried my best to imagine myself in the place of some of these people and see what my reaction would be.

For example, say you're dating a girl for a few years (3-4ish) and she got downright smashed and had sex with one of her friends who was also drunk. She came to you, told you everything, and pleaded with you to stay with her, that she was wrong, would never do it again, etc. Well, two questions here. Would you take her back? Would you work around it? Say you DID work around it, and you stayed with her. What would your views be about her drinking again? Would you be fine with her drinking, as long as she is well aware of how much she is drinking to avoid getting shitfaced again? AKA, is casual drinking okay? (Beer with dinner, 2 beers over the course of a few hours while playing cards, etc).

Second situation, what if the exact same things above happened EXCEPT they didn't have sex. Say she stood up right before she was penetrated, realized they had no protection, then thought "what the hell am I thinking, that wouldn't matter. I'm in a relationship. Oh shit what did I do!"

Lastly, what if you're a female, and you had a sister. Then you find out your sister (completely sober and aware of what she was doing) had sex with your boyfriend? Then you stayed with your boyfriend. How could you sit in the same room as your boyfriend and sister? As the boyfriend, how could you look at two women you had sex with knowing you ruined their sisterly friendship, yet continue to stick around trying to put the past behind you? (This particular situation a co worker of mine told me about. I barely knew her so it was bizaare that she told me this, but none the less I wondered what I would have done in her situation).

[vashti]

My opinion is that unless you are married to someone and/or have children, there is little reason to tolerate truly bad behavior. Things become much more complicated once you have kids.

As for the sister thing - we had this situation in my extended family. It was REALLY hard to watch and caused a LOT of trouble. Hopefully both women would get rid of the guy and try to repair their relationship, but honestly, this (to me) would be the ultimate betrayal, and I don't know that it could be fixed.

[blue toxin]

Yeah, but I've seen some people who were in similar situations and only dating, and they got over it and are celebrating their 20 year wedding anniversary soon. In the end, I think it depends on how sincere and remorseful they are, how well they acknowledge that they made a mistake, and how well they'll change their ways to be a better partner in the relationship.

[King Zarathu]

The drinking... I would just break up with that person. The fact that somebody is irresponsible enough to drink and pull that kind of bullshit off is completely and totally below me. I see no reason to be with a person at that level.

[lilwing89]

The drinking... I would just break up with that person. The fact that somebody is irresponsible enough to drink and pull that kind of bullshit off is completely and totally below me. I see no reason to be with a person at that level.

i agree



_______________

[Gigabitch]

At this point, I'm just fresh out of tolerance for that kind of shit. I know I don't have to put up with it. I'd just walk away.

[blue toxin]

Wait wait. Give me a little more details here about your opinions with the drinking. When you guys say ditch the drinking or I'm gone I'm thinking that includes EVERYTHING. Would you think that casual drinking is okay? And when I say casual drinking, I'm talking about a beer for dinner or something. Not out at the bar or at a friend's doing shot after shot.

I want to add something, it's about how disgusting my place is work is (mind you, I'm in college, it's just a job right now). There's shift rotation there for full timers, and obviously certain people prefer certain shifts. But you can switch shifts with people for a 2 month period until next rotation. Some people have offered to sleep with others in order to switch shifts. I love my job.

[lilwing89]

#1 if a girl goes and gets drunk and has sex with some guy she is obviously immature.

if a girl is stupid enough to do something like that i dont want her for a girlfriend. people like that are stupid.

#2 if she got drunk and slept with a friend i wouldnt want all the insecurities and shit. i wouldnt be able to trust her. i would jsut forget the bitch and move on.

lesson: dont get drunk with your friends and risk doing something really stupid.

[Gigabitch]

No, I have no problem with drinking. Getting pasted and ****ing my sister, though,- go to hell, go directly to hell.

[blue toxin]

Ohhh! Yeah, the ****ing sister thing, that was pretty extreme. I thought you were talking about the woopsie-****ing in the first part.

[Gigabitch]

I'm not sure if I actually believe in whoopsie-****ing.

This makes me a complete hypocrite, because I once got so ****ed up I went home with the wrong Danny, but I still believe that people should never get so trashed they don't know what they're doing.

[blue toxin]

Eh, you live, you learn. And not everybody has lived... so they haven't learned.

[Venacava]

The drinking... I would just break up with that person. The fact that somebody is irresponsible enough to drink and pull that kind of bullshit off is completely and totally below me. I see no reason to be with a person at that level.

Pretty much. If you're stupid enough to not know your limits with alcohol and to not be aware of what you're like when drunk, then too bad. I'm pretty sure I would be walking out of that relationship.
The sister thing? Oh god. I wouldn't be talking to EITHER of them. That's just wrong. I would be gone so fast, there's no explination that could justify that kind of behaviour.
I don't understand the second situation, are you asking would it be okay if they didn't have sex because they had no protection? Eh, if they intended on it - and didn't do it because they didn't have protection - I'd be gone anyway.

[King Zarathu]

Hey! She's agreeing with me!

She's right!

[blue toxin]

The second situation is basically like this. They were both drunk, intended too, but at the last second went "Whoa, we can't do this. We have no protection." Then feeling like a mac truck hit her head on she thinks "WTF? I'm in a relationship! What did I do?!"

But like I said, following that situation came more responsibility and lighter drinking from that individual, plus cutting off contact with the dude who was involved.