What the hell do I do ?!?

[BillyGalbreath]

Ok... i dont know if you all know what has been happening in my life lately so I am going to bring you all up to speed here...

My ex wife (we were together for 2 years) left me on feb 20...
So I moved back into my dads house with my son... She starts to visit with me and we talk about getting back together... Feb 25 was the last time I ever saw her... We had sex that day too...

Well our court day was march 25 - she never showed up - so we were divorced, and i won custody of our son automatically...

Before she ever left me she was trying to get me to move back in with my dad so that I would get a good job and then she wanted me to come back... It was supposed to last about 2 weeks... But I always declined because i did not want to be apart from her...

Well, anyways... Today she comes over to see our son BUT when I came home like 30 minutes into the visit (i forgot that she has superviised visitations - actually i was starting to forget about her all together) she starts paying more attention to me instead of our son...

Another factor in this is my dad... He wants me to have nothing to do with her - no phone calls - no visiting with her - no talking to her in private - nothing --- well I want to talk with her in private really bad, but I know that if I do I loose my place to live and thus I loose my son to the state or to my ex wife...

She started to tell me things during the visit that sounded like she was either trying to make me jealous of her life or she was trying to get me back... I dont know... But i do know that I was avoiding her... I did not sit down in one room or stood next to her or anything... I walked into the backyard to get something i did not need at the moment... I went to the restroom... I kept getting up to get something from the kitechen... etc... Everywhere I went she was right behind me... After awhile of this she sat on the couch and I went to the restroom again and when I came back and put something on the table I turned around and I could tell that she was crying but had wiped her eyes before I could see... ...

She claims she no longer strips for a living and is in the process of getting a secritary job somewhere... She has her own apartment and her sister lives with her right now but is soon movin out... She has bought a big screen tv (which I told her i always wanted one when we were together)... etc... ...

I dont know if I have clarified my situation enough for you all to get an idea of where i stand at the moment...

I do want to get back with her - and then at the sme time I dont...

Sometimes I think she wants to get back with me - other times I think she is just trying to get me to come back so she can run off with our son - and other times i think she just dont give a **** about me or our son...


I want to move on and be happy - I just dont know if she can make me happy anymore - Not with all the shit she has pulled - or maybe she just doesnt want me back - I dont know anymore --- I honestly and finally dont understand my situation...

Should I wait and see if we get back together ?

Should I try tgo back to her ?

Should I move on ?

What the **** does a guy do in this situation ?!

[squirrley]

move on.

Billi it will NEVER be the same. There has been a lot of problems here, and you cant get back what you had. Its easy for a woman to put on her tears...men, most men will fall them for them. But you can stand up and not!

She has motives alright and I dont think theyre for your best interest. The best thing I can advise is to move on and let her go, and regain yourself. Start a new life for you and your son.

You'll be much better off without all the bs.

[Illusional]

yup, i would have to agree with squirrel. don't live from your memories, don't get me wrong, there were the good times and bad. but right now you're only thinking of the good. remember all those bad things that brought you to hate her, excluding stripping. i think that you're better off without her. however just remain friends because you can never have too many friends in your life. raverboy

[sfalexi]

Besides. NO ONE changes overnight. And just cause she quit stripping last week and is looking for a secretary job doesn't mean that three months from now she'll won't miss the money she used to make and won't go back to stripping. If you want to even consider getting back with her, give her PLENTY of time to straighten out her act and PROVE to you that she's a changed woman. I'm thinking a year and a half AT LEAST.

Alexi

[Illusional]

damn after a year and a half.. i wouldn't wait that long for anyone. it's ridiculous. raverboy

[BillyGalbreath]

..move on. Billi it will NEVER be the same..

I would love to move on - BUT - what if she really is 'the one' - what if I have been wrong - what if this is just something that made both of us see just how much we really love each other - what if this time apart is all we needed to grow closer

..Its easy for a woman to put on her tears..

I have been with her for two years and I have seen her real tears and I have seen her fake tears - I can tell the difference really well - these were definately real tears - I just dont know why she was crying

..She has motives alright and I dont think theyre for your best interest..

That is what everyone is telling me - but no one knows the whole truth - the part about her trying to get me to go to my dads so I would get on my own feet - what if her 'breaking up' with me was the only way for her to get me to do this ?

..however just remain friends because you can never have too many friends in your life..

I am her friend now, and I always be - if not for me then for our son - I was raised in a broken family where the parents hated each other and the end result was me never seeing my mother... - I dont want my son to go through what I have - and if possible I want him to have a real family

..NO ONE changes overnight..

I did - I went from penniless bum to getting a damn good job and everything getting together within 1 week of her leaving me... and i am NOT looking back - and to be honest with you she didn't make good money as a stripper - thats why she pushed so hard for me to get a job

..give her PLENTY of time to straighten out her act and PROVE to you that she's a changed woman..

I agree with this, but not a year and a half - I am going to be her friend and by the end of the summer the truth shall show - BUT - i dont want to waste my time waiting for her IF she is just playing me or if I am just seeing something thats not there.

I love her - I will always love her - And I dont think I will ever be totally over her - Yes, at some point in time I will move on and will be unable to take her back if she wanted, but I will still want her just as I do today, just as I did when I met her... No matter who I am with or where I am at, I will always love her and want her...

I just dont know what to do anymore - last night I started to cry when I went to bed because when I layed down and I closed my eyes I turned over to hold her and she wasn't there... It felt like she was soo there and it hurt me soo bad when i realized she wasn't -- I dont know - I am totally in love with her - I dreamt of her all night long - I woke up and smelled her scent - I took a shower and felt her hands on my back - I walked out the door and felt her running after me to give me a kiss...

I feel like I am loosing my mind. I miss her soo ****ing much I am sitting here at work crying...

311 - Love Song

[squirrley]

We dont know everything-we base our opinions on what YOU tell us. Whats the rest of it?

I was ONCE in a situation that I felt I had to justify EVERYTHING and there was a reason for this or that, made excuses for everyting. But I had a "friend" who pointed out the obvious, granted I didnt want to hear those things, and felt restentment for her, but in reality she was right. I took what she said and thoroughly looked at the situation, put aside what I thought I was feeling and saw it wasnt there, it might have been what I thought I wanted, but it wasnt. Looking back-I thank her for helping me, and being bold about it.

Sometimes when youre so thick in things, you dont see the reality of it. Of course you miss her, and have feelings for her. But its up to you to decide what you want for your life, no one can tell you what to do-just remember we all responded based on what you told us. I know theres always something we dont tell, but hell-wake up Billy you dont want to be in this spot forever do you?

Say you do take her back? I cant use the take a chance Columbus did line here. Youve been burned once, and you going back calls for another one possibly on the horizon.

I dont know what to tell ya anymore really. But you need to figure out whats best for you and your son-someone who takes off and not gives a shit about her son, and then pops back up when she feels like it. She has set the tone here, and you have the ball in your court. I just dont see her changing any time soon for YOU or her own son.

Maybe there are postive attributes about her we dont know her, but based on your posts-hmmm? makes me think shes not worth another tear you shed. My opinion.

its up to you man, your call, your life, your sons life...

[sfalexi]

quote:
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..NO ONE changes overnight..
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I did - I went from penniless bum to getting a damn good job and everything getting together within 1 week of her leaving me... and i am NOT looking back - and to be honest with you she didn't make good money as a stripper - thats why she pushed so hard for me to get a job

Obviously there has to be a 'breaking' point where there IS a change. What I meant by this statement is that it's not a guarenteed permanent change. Wait until she's established herself and has been there long enough so that you can truly believe she's GOING to stay there for a much longer time and has much less of a chance of going back to her old ways. For ANYTHING in this world, there's a "buffer zone" of whether it's a permanent change or not. Jobs have 'buffer zones' before you get benefits, rehabs have 'buffer zones' where you are closely watched, paroles from jail, EVERYTHING. Don't take her back without some sort of personal 'buffer zone'. For you and your son's protection from her old lifestyle of prostitution, partying and drugs.

quote:
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..give her PLENTY of time to straighten out her act and PROVE to you that she's a changed woman..
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I agree with this, but not a year and a half - I am going to be her friend and by the end of the summer the truth shall show

You think four months is enough time to prove that she's done with drugs and excessive alcohol and wild parties and prostitution and other sex and everything or anything else she used to do? I don't think so. I'm just gonna ask you to rethink how long you think is a fair amount of time.

love her - I will always love her - And I dont think I will ever be totally over her - Yes, at some point in time I will move on and will be unable to take her back if she wanted, but I will still want her just as I do today, just as I did when I met her... No matter who I am with or where I am at, I will always love her and want her...

I just dont know what to do anymore - last night I started to cry when I went to bed because when I layed down and I closed my eyes I turned over to hold her and she wasn't there... It felt like she was soo there and it hurt me soo bad when i realized she wasn't -- I dont know - I am totally in love with her - I dreamt of her all night long - I woke up and smelled her scent - I took a shower and felt her hands on my back - I walked out the door and felt her running after me to give me a kiss...

I feel like I am loosing my mind. I miss her soo ****ing much I am sitting here at work crying...

That's what you think because it's freshly over. You think I didn't think like that for my first girlfriend? When she broke up with me I was devastated. My world had ended. I suddenly was alone without someone to hold and hug. But I got over it. And you will too. You just can't see it right now (and that's allright. It's to be expected). But eventually, all those little things that remind you of her will start to fade and tear at your heart less and less until finally you'll be able to move on without regrets, and it will be a thing of your PAST.

The only thing I can say is you have to give it time. Love takes plenty of time to heal. But hold on to the good memories and learn from the mistakes so you don't repeat them.

Alexi