Curing Nice Guy Syndrome HELP

[BankyTheHack]

OK I've come along way in avoiding being a "nice guy" but I still need some work. I need as many tips as possible, no matter how mundane they may seem.

[sfalexi]

You can be nice. Nothing wrong with that. But if you want a girl to be interested in you, you have to flirt, be witty, seem a little cocky, and make sure you don't make friends with every girl you see. You have to show that you have a definite interest in "dating" and not just "befriending" a girl. Meaning, it's quite alright to get to know a little bit about a person, but the REAL conversations and whatnot should occur on dates. Otherwise, you'll be in the 'friend zone'. This also helps you not to waste too much time on a lost cause (since you'll be going out for those digits and an actual DATE very soon after meeting the girl isntead of becoming her best guy friend in the world and then just being the guy she goes to when she needs tips on how to get some OTHER guy interested in her).

You don't need to be a "bad boy" to get the girl. But it certainly helps to be witty, flirty, and make sure she knows that you're interested in her (meaning GO FOR A DATE!!!!!!)

Alexi

[lsustudent09]

wait, lemme get this straight, youre trying not to be a nice guy? don't you men realize that women love nice guys, the trick is to being exciting and not boring. boring puts me to sleep, and too much niceness is also boring. be nice, impress good things on the female of choice and be adventurous, not an asshole.

[Pretender]

Right On!

[squirrley]

he doesnt get what women want...

a real MAN-and by our defintions most dont exist....JUST KIDDING!!

every gal is different Banky in what they are looking for- so my best advice to you is to just be yourself man!

[Illusional]

just be like me, i'm a dick and i don't really care what others think. raverboy

[squirrley]

raver get with it man!! some women like that type.

[Bonovox40]

Check out this page. It has people just like you and me trying to figure out the best of this status we've let ourselves be labled as. Some of the things you're doing that feel like "nice guy" actions, you might not even realize! Depending on the people i've met at times, i've come across as a "nice guy" (date potential=0) or "a guy who's nice. (datable)

It just depends on how you present yourself. The hard thing is that once you've gotten yourself in a "nice guy" rut with a group of people, it's hard to change feelings for newcomers who hear about you.

Read through this acrticle and maybe you'll find something that can work for you. [url]http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1698.html[/url]

[dragoon]

If you're truly a nice guy, why change? I'm also a "nice guy", and I have no problem meeting girls. For me at least, I find the girls that don't want "nice guys" are the type of girl I don't want anyway (well, usually). I usually find it's not the "nice guy" problem that guys have. Instead they just don't really play the game properly. Yes, there's a game, and there are rules. But you can play it in your way, and always be yourself, still be a "nice guy", and still win.

[IceQueen]

Banky,
"TNGS" is when a guy is only nice to a girl in order to GET something from her.
It's very obvious when that happens. Big turnoff. Huge.
If a guy is just friendly without wanting to get into your underpants, it's not "TNGS"

Proceed accordingly.

[Bonovox40]

I seem to get that too. But the girls that are attracted to me are the ones who TYPICALLY like bad boys. I'm like the "safety rebound" guy who they feel like they can be with because they know I won't hurt them and can genuinly care about them. (as opposed to just a booty call that they usually get)

They see me as "husband" material and therefore "nice". But when they get comfortable, they miss the thrill of trying to change the bad boy or drama that they give. I'm not saying i'm my own person or unique and that I don't keep our dates and activities fresh and different, but when feelings are open and honest between us and the "love" aspect starts, I don't really hide too much. I figure if this person claims that the genuinly love me and care about me then they should get to know who I really am. And there's nothing "scary" or anything that freaks them out but I get the feeling they realize i'm self sufficiant and don't need changing.
I have good manners, treat people respectfull, professional and strive to make myself a better person and further my career and relationships with friends and family. In someways I think that they see that as a "no challenge" or something. So then problems begin to surface and they lose that passion for me because they feel that i'm not a challenge or something that won't get lost. And the sad thing is I know there are women who ARE NOT LIKE THIS!

I'm just attracted typically to the "hurt girls" who find me. Like my relationship right now. Girl that's been hurt has been dating me for 3 months. Longest relationship she ever had is two months. Mine was almost 3 years so 3 months is cake to me, but I still treat every day as a new day. It's starting to feel like she's become bored with me even though she gave me all the "I'm so tired of being hurt and not having someone who trully cares about me and wanted to get to know who I am." and the "Nobody has ever made me feel this way...I hope it lasts forever." type talks. It's really bizarre actually. One day she might be all romantic and clingy, the next week she practically wouldn't noticed if I got sucked into a vortex and disappeared since she's already zoning me out on the phone, repeating gossip she's already told me 2 days ago, not giving any kind of signs of desire or wanting and most kisses become quick pecks.

I have a friend who I know has been attracted to me and she's almost exactly the kind of personality i'd LIKE to be with. She could just be with you and enjoy receiving attention, love, sex and humor and give it all back with the same or greater energy. She doesn't have to play the CHASE and BE HUNTED back and forth game. (which is fun at first but shouldn't have to persist at my age once the relationship is set pretty well) I guess it kinda hurts that i'm 26 and my gf is 7 years younger. Different mentality and I should have been prepared for it.
But with my one friend, i'm just not attracted to her at all phyiscally. She's a big girl and i've dated all types so I know i'm not shallow, but it just doesn't do it for me.

It just stinks that with the "nice guy" image and overall appearance people see you at first, the "hurt girls" come a runnin while the ones i'd like to get with go looking for the bad guys. I know I could Don Juan or play them but that's not me. The funny thing is i've tried some seduction techniques and they've worked but when I let who i'm with see who I really am, they realize i'm not a "bad boy" and seem to lose that spark rather quickly. I can't seem to find a "balance" between the two archtypes that would be a winner.

[BillyGalbreath]

Brilliant - ****ing amazing - god damn dude - I wish I could express the way I am like that - I know who I am and what I am - I just cant ever seem to put it to words - but damn dude - you just described me - except for the whole 'i'm 26' part (i'm 20, but act like 26)

I seem to have that balance problem also - thats how I got my ex wife and its how I lost her...

sry but I cant get over what you just said - lol - its ****ing perfect

bravo

[IceQueen]

(i'm 20, but act like 26)

Billy. No you don't.
Nothing personal.

[Bonovox40]

Thanks Billy. I've just started learning more about the people here so I can't comment on IceQueen's statement but I think we all can go back and forth between acting silly and being mature. Just depends on the situation.

The sad thing is I feel like I had SOOO many lost opportunities with the nice guy thing. I've had times in my past college years when I KNEW that someone was checking me out but didn't quite know what to make of it. If I actually came up with the balls to say something, we'd end up talking for awhile and have a good coversation and before you know it, we've talked for an hour or so. Then I find out since she's opened so much into me and i've given back with talking and listening that she feels like i'd be someone safe to trust with info/hopes/dreams/problems etc. Therefore I just became "nice guy" material which =friend. The possibility for BF was lost by me taking an genuine interest in this person. It's like women want you to NOT give them the attention they actually crave. Always letting them want to delve a little deeper into you or hoping you'll find a way into their most inner selves just enough to catch a glimpse, never enough to touch.

I've always been a friendly guy, not too outgoing or the life of the party, but approachable and easy to talk to. I tend to smile quite a bit more than I have to when i'm around people I know. (but I hardly ever smile by myself i.e. walking in a store) I had a big issue with being social in my HS and early college days. Kinda seems like the commercials for Social Anxiety Disorder. I was more happy when people wouldn't talk to me because then there wasn't any pressure for me to F' up in some way. There were times I actually got nervous to the point if an embrassing situation arose that i'd break out in a painfull rash on my chest. Ugh!

I eventually got sick of being afraid and have gradually been overcoming it in time. Went to my first dance club last year and had a good time with some friends. My friend laughed his ass off because (supposedly) some hot girl came up behind me and tried to get my attention to dance with me. I didn't notice her from the way I was facing. Other guys tried to cut in between her and me and she kept manuvering to avoid them and be next to me. (my friend is pretty good at seeing things in the background that I miss) She eventually gave up and went off in the crowd somewhere. After he told me I was kinda bummed out but felt a boost of confidence that I must be doing something right.

The most unfortunate thing is that we learn from our mistakes. I'm still learning how to read people better and give dating other women a chance. I seem to be able to meet people when I actually TRY. I haven't been able to just go up to a stranger and strike up a convo with the intention to date. But I have made myself just talk more often to women regardless of my attraction to them.

Just try it! It starts to work if you keep that nice guy attitude but act like it's no big thing what they think of you. I've had the girl at the food counter of the local bowling alley remember my name after one order and a 2 week gap and felt some good vibes coming from her just from general chit chat like "how are you doing tonight?" I had no intention of pursing or anything since I have a gf but the social interaction with the opposite sex is a good thing and it wasn't disrespectful seductive or anything. Same thing happened at a salon.

This time though I specifically decided to talk and be aware of responses and reactions for an educational view on the "nice guy" approach. Got my hair cut and made small talk with this gorgeous stylist. Asked her about work, her schooling, if she thought my hair style looked good on me, cracked a few jokes and made her smile. She have me her card and said how nice and fun it was to meet me and that I ask for her when I come back. Now sure they might tell other clients that but I definatly felt some flirtatious vibes from her.
For some reason I felt that she was a higher caliber than i'm used to so when we talked I acted like a nice guy, but I was a little sarcastic and threw some minor bragging kinda like a little bit of cockiness tossed in there. It seemed to get her attention in a good way.

So all i'm saying is just be yourself. I look at in in the way of a person's body. What their body is, is what they really are. My body is a "nice guy" body. BUT you can change how you dress. I can throw on a shirt of sarcasm, and maybe slip on some "Nike:I don't give a damn about what others think" to appear a certain way, but what holds it up is the "nice guy" body. I think it just all depends on what you want people to FEEL from you as opposed to just SEE in you.
If you truly are a nice guy. You can't just remove it. You can hide it but the truth comes out sooner or later. If you WEAR different attitudes and emotions, women will believe you're capable of all these types of behaviors and feelings and therefore find you exciting in that sense. You won't really have to be the "bad boy" to keep her interested.
(I'm finding this out the hard way in my latest relationship. She seems to be getting less passionate since i've put alot of "care and concern" into her. She actually pushes for attitude from me because we don't argue or fight. She initially told me how she's been hurt and etc, so i've treated her real good but I forgot how women like all their emotions touched, even the bad ones less the don't feel completely alive. But every woman is different and some feel the need less or more.)
(but you should never deliberatly be evil or hurtful to someone just to tap an emotion btw)

Women want to feel that by being with you, they will grow and discover more of themselves on an emotional level. I've made the mistake of always just making them happy happy. But they actually like to feel sad at times, or angry/jealous/bitter/confused. It's one of the things that makes women exciting and unique compared to guys. (But frustrating too of course! lol)

Sorry about the length but I just wanted to throw out my learnings and experiences.

[MVPlaya]

OK I've come along way in avoiding being a "nice guy" but I still need some work. I need as many tips as possible, no matter how mundane they may seem.

Its not necessarily the Nice part of nice guy that turns off women. its that Nice Guys can seem as kiss-asses, spineless, and weak. Be strong, show that you're independent and that people, including hot women, need to earn your respect, but still be nice to people. Even though I know I'm not a "nice guy," I'm rarely a "mean guy." When you see nice guy, don't look at the NICE part and try to change that into its opposite, look at the GUY part and change THAT into its opposite... Be a Man!