a friendship worth saving?

[nyc123]

so, i've been friends with this guy for about 3 years. he's always been a good friend, easy to talk to, fun to hang out with, fun to flirt with, etc. etc. toward the beginning of this summer, my boyfriend of almost 2 years and i broke up, and i made out w/ this friend a few times not too long after the breakup. the friend has always had somewhat of a reputation as a "charmer" and has done stuff with a lot of girls i know. he's also burned a lot of bridges with a lot of his friends. however, he had/has never done anything to me, so i've stayed friends with him. when we hooked up, i knew of his reputation and saw it as nothing but a physical thing, on the rebound for me.
then, i went to camp for 1 month and kept in contact with him. we talked almost every night like friends and always had stuff to talk about. about 3 weeks into camp, i ended up talking to my ex and realizing how badly i hurt him by hooking up with this friend. so, i told the friend that we should probably just stay friends and nothing more. he started ignoring me, and then when i asked if/why he was ignoring me, he basically said that i dumped him right when he started to fall for me.
i sent him a letter in the mail saying i'm sorry w/ something he had asked me to make him. i still haven't heard back from him (it's been about 2 weeks now).
so basically, i just don't know what to think/do. 1. i'm not really sure if he was actually falling for me or just trying to make me feel bad 2. i know i shouldn't be involved w/ him in any way other than friendship, so it's good in a way that he's ignoring me, but i really didn't want to lose him as a friend
so basically, what i'm asking is if i should try to contact him and get his friendship back or if i should just leave it alone and leave it to him/fate to decide if we should still be friends??

[Ellynn]

See, thats why messing around with friends is NOT a good idea! Things change between the two of you and most of the time you cannot go back to being JUST friends without someone getting hurt in the process.


Ok, so now whats the deal with your ex? Are you getting back together with him or what? Why did you two break up in the first place?

If you are getting back together with your ex, then yeah, I wouldn't lead your friend on any longer and just let him have his space. You might have lost a friendship, but why rub it in his face being with your ex again.

If you aren't getting back together with your ex and are unsure about your friend, then talk to your friend. Explain to him how you actually feel and then let him have his space and decide what he wants to do. Its possible he truly did have these feelings with you all along but didn't want to break up you and your bf at the time. Or, he could have honestly just started falling for you. So, just give him some space and let him come to you. But, going from more then friends back to friends is going to be hard. I mean maybe not for you, but possibly for him. So, keep that in mind. This may be why it might not be wise to hang around each other for awhile until things blow over.

[thinker]

Ellynn hits it on the head. You cannot just have everything al peachy again without some pain. Suck it up.

You need to stop trying to make everyone happy... you dont want to hurt your ex's feelings by being with this other guy... wtf? You aren't seeing him anymore! It's great that you are so concerned, but that's why you are not together! What if you find this amazing guy that you are head over heels for but, ooh, "i dun wanna hurt my exy-poo..." bah... hurt away.

As for the "freind"... how many times do we see this same story happen... You cannot be friends. He is attracted to you, as you are to him. This makes a friendship impossible. Sorry. You did USE him as a rebound; making out is not something "friends" do... YOU sort of sealed the deal by being insecure and throwing yourself on him after a long relationship ended... bad idea first of all, but then don't expect him not to have feelings for you. The best thing, imo, to do now is lay everything out on the table. Tell your ex everything (if you care how he feels) and tell the friend (though I think you mentioned you had...) Just be honest in all aspects and let things unfold from there. You are trying to remedy these complex situations that you have NO CONTROL over, and you will only make things worse. I know you value this guy as a friend, but you pushed the relationship into a confusing new level. Frankly, it's not going to work now. Both of you need time alone to think and explore your wants and feelings, and you are only confusing eachother. Just be honest on all fronts.

[Gigabitch]

All the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put Humpty together again.

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

If he doesn't respond in a 1-2 wks then
I think he has another girl (s) in his life, and it's not just in recent time --- I predict.

It's time for you to move on nyc123.
You'll find another guy --- hopefully, you've learnt to be more loyal then things wouldn't get this messed up.

GL!

[SeventhStar]

If you haven't heard anything back in two weeks it is best to leave it alone. If he's hurt he's going to need space. If he's not hurt and was just playing with you then he's better off gone. Either way you've made your decision and where you stand clear so it's up to him to accept it and continue a relationship you can both agree on (i.e. go back to being friends) or move on.

[nyc123]

thanks for all your advice, it has helped put things into perspective!

[thinker]

Buy A Strap On And **** Him In The Ass!

Seriously, this gut is going into every thread and being an idiot, can we get his ass out of here asap please?