How Much Fighting IS Too Much

[Sami09]

Me and my bf have been fighting a lot recently. we dated for 3 years i love him

to death how much fighting is too much. How can it be change i just dont want

to fight with him . I cant agree with him all the time either. What do i do.

[TAVS]

That's a question I ask myself all to often. Fortunately for me, I can blame it on living together only 6 months and growing pains. But if you have been with him for 3 years..... Can you give us more idea on what you fight about?

Different opinions? Are these things you can compromise on? Give us more.

[Sami09]

i guess we dont fight that much he doesnt think we do. its not like a daily basic or

anything. I just want to improve are relationship and not fight and be happy.

Maybe get more of a smark back into are relationship.

[Junket]

Yeah, arguing about what?

Is there a trend?

These arguments could lead you to the issues of your relationship so that you can amend them and thus be happy. So long as you're constructive about it.

[vashti]

I don't think it is about how OFTEN you argue or disagree so much as it is about the WAY you do it. Do you both fight fair? THAT is the important thing, unless you are talking about lacking shared values. That would be a problem.

[Junket]

If you're wondering if you're fighting too much, then you probably are.

[Gigabitch]

If it's a problem for him, it's a problem for both of you. Am I to understand that he doesn't start the fights?

[Tiay]

These arguments could lead you to the issues of your relationship so that you can amend them and thus be happy. So long as you're constructive about it.

yup, I agree wholeheartedly.

what are you arguing about? Is there a major theme, or is it just constantly little things which you argue about even though they don't really matter?

[determinedguy]

Learn to communicate better- really listen to each other's needs. Don't say things like "You're stupid, or you're a jerk," say instead, "This is how I feel when you do this," or "I need you to do this more" or things like that. Ignoring pent-up feelings can be as bad as not fighting at all. My wife would often say: "I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna fight" and cut me off. So eventually i gave up telling her how i felt- it became obvious she didn't care anymore and just dismissed me so we wouldn't argue and she didn't have to face her faults. Maybe had we had it out more often, we would still be together. So don't be afraid to argue- just make sure you both listen, and walk away if a fight gets out of hand. There's no excuse for violence. Good luck.

[King Zarathu]

Use I-Language when you're fighting; it gets shit done a LOT quicker and a LOT smoother.

Instead of: "You treat me like shit."
Translation: "I feel bad when you do this"

Here, I'll give you a series of execises that if you don't finish by tomorrow I'm counting off 20 points as a late grade.



A.
1) "You're an asshole to me."

2) "You aren't open enough with me."

3) "You make me want to stab you in the eye with a needle."

4) "Do things this way in the future."


Twenty-five points a piece, get to work.

[Junket]

I am the self proclaimed king of conflict management.

[King Zarathu]

You touch yourself at night.

[Ellynn]

No matter what your always gonna have some argument in a relationship. Its normal and healthy. But, its how you learn to get beyond that argument that is the key. Do you come to some sort of compromise? Do you keep rehashing it weeks later? Does anything ever get resolved?

Honestly though, if it gets to the point that the arguing makes you more unhappy then happy most of the time, then I think theres a problem. Then you need to step back and evaluate the relationship and ask yourself if its really worth it to sacrafice your happiness nearly all the time for the relationship.

[Junket]

You touch yourself at night.

Your mom touches you at night.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!


...

[Sami09]

thanks all for this topic. everything is fine i guess it relationship there is

a time of stress when there a lot going on but me and my bf are doing well