Is it so wrong to stay in touch with an ex?

[zracer240]

Ok, so this girl i recently started going out with, gets crazy jealous just because my ex girlfriend calls me every now and then. I never hang out with her, or really call her, but she calls me sometimes, and we basically just ask how each other is doing. My new girlfriend gets so crazy jealous over this, because she says every relationship she has had, has ended badly, and she can't trust people, and that it is just messed up that i keep in touch with her at all. I find it impossible to convince her she can trust me, and that i have no feelings for my x, and to make her understand. So tell me, is it sooo wrong of me to talk to her? Not to mention the fact she is being a hypocrit, because until recently, she was best friends with her X fiance up to a year after they broke up. I think there are some major insecurity issues here, and major immaturity going on here, if i'm wrong please let me know, tell it to me like it is. thanks for any advice

[Tiay]

I always say remaining in touch afterwards is a sign of a mature break-up. It makes sense that you still want to know what's going on in each others lives. That said, how often is "every now and then"?

[Power Diva]

I guess the question I would ask myself is: Is hearing from my ex 'every now and then' worth upseting my new partner over?
Is it really a tragedy if you don't talk to her? I mean if your current partner is cool with it, then that's fine but if they aren't.....

[Tiay]

I kind of disagree; yes, you could let your partner control who you are allowed to be friends with- but you shouldn't!
Of course, you shouldn't talk on the phone with your ex when you're supposed to be eating dinner with your partner, or something like that, either.

[Liamoc123]

if she loves you and trusts you she will see through the jealousy and realise you'd be with your ex rather than her... its more awkward than anything to be honest... I've been there and now he's threatened to kill me... lmfao... but seriously be all over her for a while... she'll appreciate it and it won't seem like you'd rather be with someone else... and don't hide the fact from her because if she finds out herself it'll end badly and she'll be more hurt...

[vashti]

I guess the question I would ask myself is: Is hearing from my ex 'every now and then' worth upseting my new partner over?
Is it really a tragedy if you don't talk to her? I mean if your current partner is cool with it, then that's fine but if they aren't.....

I agree. It may be silly that the new girl is so jealous, but if you really love her, you probably would want to avoid causing her any unnecessary pain. Do you REALLY love her?

Anyway, this level of jealousy is a sign of youthful love at best, and odds are she will outgrow it as she becomes more secure in the strength of your relationship. If she doesn't, then she may have a problem with maturity. How old are you guys?

[TAVS]

I agree with that has been said.
Being friends after the fact is just a sign of a mature breakup.
You souldn't put new relationships in jeopardy though either.

[Gigabitch]

Sounds like a power struggle. I'm not a big fan of jealousy. I think it's poisonous and should not be encouraged. If you're trustworthy, then that's just it: You're worthy of trust, yet she doesn't trust you.

Your girlfriend sounds like a pain in the ass. Is she worth it?

[Ellynn]

I can see both sides. I mean you do have a right to be able to talk to whoever you want to. I mean your ex calls occasionally, you don't hang out or anything. No big deal right?

But your gf sees it as a threat. Yeah shes probably insecure probably because of her past relationships. Her thought is that your gonna develop feelings for your ex again and then end up breaking things off or cheating on her. But, to me it sounds like she needs to trust you and she doesn't. A few hard knocks will do that to a person.

You need to talk to her. Let her know how much she means to you and how your happy you are with her. Let her know also that she needs to learn to trust you, and that by talking to your ex, it should not be seen as a threat to her. You just want to keep in touch and keep things platonic.

But, if it honestly causes that many problems, you need to ask yourself if its really worth all that for just talking to your ex occasionally.

[BlackiesHD]

^^^^ What Ellynn said^^^^

[Denthrare]

It's more than slightly possible that my experiences with this problem have been drastically different from the experiences of other members of this forum. Keep that in mind.

In my humble opinion, the jealousy should be dealt with directly, and you should try your best to avoid "losing ground", so to speak, on the issue.

Again, this is just from my experiences, but if a girl starts to be jealous over something or someone that really isn't a big deal (if even a "deal" at all), as it sounds like is happening with your ex, you need to make it clear that she has nothing to worry about. However, make it also clear that you are not going to cut yourself off from your ex just because your girlfriend is irrationally uncomfortable with her. And I stress "irrationally".

Take this as an opporunity to find out if she really trusts you or not.

Good luck with it all.

(and remember, all this advice is given based on my own experiences)

-Z

[Jackula]

My ex is violent.