Any drinkers here?

[blue toxin]

My girlfriend likes to drink. No big deal, so do I, but I drink a lot lighter than her... then again, I often end up driving a few hours later, not spending the night anywhere so that's why.

She lives at college. Her and I talked about this yesterday, and she said 2 things that is drawing my mind in different directions.

She said (quote one):

"I really do love you (in a real passionate tone), and I understand why you want me to drink lightly when I'm with friends so I stay in control of any situation I get put into."

Then she also said (quote two):

"I'm an adult now, I live on my own at college. I'm going to live my years at college enjoying myself and doing whatever."

I don't know what to think of this. I have NO doubt in my mind she is faithful, but the bottom line is, when you're piss drunk you have no idea what's going on! So what should I think? Did she mean quote two that she just wanted to enjoy herself with friends, or was she trying to tell me if she wants to get drunk, that she'll get drunk when she wants? Then again, in quote one she told me she understands and loves me, so should I expect her to respect my wishes about her drinking lightly?

It's just a gray area. I won't see her until later and I figured I'd ask on here to get a few other opinions before I talk to her again tonight.

[Gigabitch]

What is "lightly"? Did you give her a number of drinks she's allowed to have?

[blue toxin]

What is "lightly"? Did you give her a number of drinks she's allowed to have?

No. Drinking lightly is like her going out with some friends and studying or something. She'll often get with some friends in similar classes and study the material they're talking about in class while having a few drinks.

I don't decide anything for her. But the few times she's gotten drunk with me, it's just kind of happened before she knew it. She decides what's suitable for her to drink, based on what she ate that day.

Normally if she's just going out to study and have a few casual drinks with her friends, she'll just drink slowly until she feels a slight buzz coming, then she'll stop. But if you hammer them down, sometimes just out of no where you get ****ed up from the alcohol.

The bottom line is, I just don't want her to go out with intention to get smashed. If she wants to drink, fine, but I just don't want her to hammer 10 down within an hour and think everything is fine.

But again, I don't know what to think of what she said. One side says she respects what the way I feel, but then again she said she just wanted to be herself and live college life the way she wanted to. What's that mean? Getting plastered every night from drinking? Or just her being able to kick back and have fun with friends and a beer or two?

[Gigabitch]

Either way, I think it means you're not the boss of her.

I can actually understand your concerns, especially if she doesn't even know how to gauge how much to drink, which it sounds like she understands in theory, but not in practice. She probably has no idea how dangerous that can be. Hopefully, it won't take a bad experience to teach her.

IMO, she just doesn't want you telling her what to do. I was just like her when I was in college. Try not to get into a fight about it.

[blue toxin]

Either way, I think it means you're not the boss of her.

I can actually understand your concerns, especially if she doesn't even know how to gauge how much to drink, which it sounds like she understands in theory, but not in practice. She probably has no idea how dangerous that can be. Hopefully, it won't take a bad experience to teach her.

IMO, she just doesn't want you telling her what to do. I was just like her when I was in college. Try not to get into a fight about it.

Well, she's been drinking for 2 years, and she knows what it takes to get drunk. It's just when she drinks really fast that's when she'll stand up and go "whoaaaa I think I need to lay down" sort of deal.

But she assured me most of the time she drinks, it's actually in her room just enjoying a beer to some studying or while she's typing up a report on her laptop.

And I understand that I'm not the boss of her. That's fine. But I just want her to respect the way I feel because I'm only looking out for her. She surrounds herself with good people, though.

But yeah, her and I talked about this last year and she was like well... I don't know what to tell you. If I don't eat anything all day, I can have 2 and get a buzz. If I had a full meal at lunch and something at dinner, then I can have 8 and feel just fine.

So to me, it sounds like she did "practice" knowing how her body responds to alcohol.

What do you think, Giga? Should I just back off and let her go? Should I talk to her again just to make it apparent what my feelings are? I mean, I care for her. We've been together for 4 and a half years. This isn't some 2 week long relationship that we entered and I'm just trying to be controlling. I'm just trying to look out for her.

And I doubt a bad experience would happen. I think if something like that would happen, she'd stop like a deer in headlights, grab the nearest kitchen knife, and saw her way through anybody standing in her way. Hm, but I wonder. What if a bad experience did happen, but I forgave her and we worked things out. Then I would I reserve the right to tell her to drink light as hell or nothing at all? Or do you think it'd be the same as right now, just with her having to be more alert on what she drinks?

[Gigabitch]

But yeah, her and I talked about this last year and she was like well... I don't know what to tell you. If I don't eat anything all day, I can have 2 and get a buzz. If I had a full meal at lunch and something at dinner, then I can have 8 and feel just fine.

RED FLAG

I see it- do you?

[blue toxin]

RED FLAG

I see it- do you?

No. What do you mean by this?

I was trying to make the point that she bases what she ate that day in relation to how much she can drink that evening.

[Gigabitch]

Eight drinks is just too much. That is not drinking lightly, or responsibly. it's drinking to get drunk. It certainly exceeds "a few beers".

How much do you drink on a given night, blue toxin?

[blue toxin]

Eight drinks is just too much. That is not drinking lightly, or responsibly. it's drinking to get drunk. It certainly exceeds "a few beers".

How much do you drink on a given night, blue toxin?

Well, maybe I shouldn't have done that. When she initially told me this, her words were different. She said something along the lines of "if I had nothing to eat that day, I can drink maybe 2 and get a buzz. If I had full meals all day, I can drink quite a bit more and feel close to nothing." I just threw the 8 in there to make it more obvious she bases what she CAN drink off of how full her stomach is and how tired she's feeling that day.

It really depends. I don't drink as often as her, so I'm probably a bit more of a lightweight. The last time I drank, I had 4 shots of 80 proof vodka within 5 minutes, and that messed me up for the next hour and a half. It wasn't bad though, I remember every word I said, but I certainly felt lightheaded standing up and was in no condition to drive - But I was fully aware of that.

The last time I was just hanging out and drinking (no shots), I probably had about 2 beers, 2 smirnoffs, and a mixed drink. I had quite a bit to eat that day, though. Why do you ask?

[Gigabitch]

I ask because I found the idea of a college girl downing 8 drinks excessive, and I wondered why you didn't.

What is the basis for your concern? If you're not worried she'll cheat on you, is it that you're concerned about her health? Her reputation? That she'll be taken advantage of?

[blue toxin]

Her in her sober state she would never ever cheat on me. I just have no doubt in that. She'd break up with me long before she ever had any interest in another person.

What I'm worried about is her drinking too much. 99% of the time she'll just drink 1 or 2 in her room while studying by herself or in the presence of her roommate... but now and then she'll go out and hang out with some friends. I just don't want her to have a little too much and some dickhead get the wrong idea and think he can take advantage of her.

A few things would happen then. One, our relationship would be over. Two, I'd be in jail for first degree murder. I don't want that to happen. I want her to understand why I want her to be conscious with her drinking, what she's drinking, how fast she's drinking, how much she's eaten that day, how tired she is, etc. I know she does all of these things, but if she's with some friends and they're encouraging her to "oh, just one more!" that's not helping the situation. Then again, if she's as stubborn as she is about people telling her things (including me) perhaps she'll be that stubborn with her friends when "no means no" to more drinks...

Giga - Based off of what you know, what would you do? She's been faithful to me, but likes to have fun (as do I). So, should I just back off and trust her? Should I bring it up again and just make sure she understands the way I feel?

[Gigabitch]

I think something you should concern yourself with is how her friends feel about you. I've been on many a bender with my girlfriends, (yes, I admit it), and we watch out for each other. I recently bullied my friend T. into the car because she was giving some random guy the eye, and I knew that she was about to do something she'd regret.

Soooo- do you trust her friends to steer her straight when you're not around?

[Khazard]

Shes a Alcoholic, Ditch her shes bad news and will end up needing a new liver in about a year with the way shes going

[blue toxin]

Shes a Alcoholic, Ditch her shes bad news and will end up needing a new liver in about a year with the way shes going

I really would appreciate helpful comments from folks who are of a decent stage in maturing and have read what I posted above. Thanks!

[blue toxin]

I think something you should concern yourself with is how her friends feel about you. I've been on many a bender with my girlfriends, (yes, I admit it), and we watch out for each other. I recently bullied my friend T. into the car because she was giving some random guy the eye, and I knew that she was about to do something she'd regret.

Soooo- do you trust her friends to steer her straight when you're not around?

Well her roommate no doubt is like her sister. Those two are very close and watch over each other with everything. But my girlfriend isn't ALWAYS out with her roommate. Most of the time if she's not with her roommate, she's with one of 2 other girls, both whom I know will keep her safe. There's also 2-3 guy friends she has that watch over her too whom I've met and thought very highly of.

But yeah. I've been thinking about it all day and I think my girlfriend is responsible enough to put a stop to her drinking if she feels that she's reaching her limit. I really can't see her intentionally getting drunk anymore. Everytime she's gotten drunk, whether with me or at her brother's house, she's felt terrible and hates that feeling. Hm, we'll see what happens. There's still a bit of summer to go, and if the conversation comes up again I may mention something. But until that time I'm just going to put my trust in her. As I said, I think she's a responsible person. Maybe I'm just worrying myself over nothing? Meh.