Nausea + apathy = Love?

[chica1x2]

Hey everybody, I was hoping you could give me some advice on a big problem of mine. It seems like it's impossible for me to react normally to a relationship.

When I'm still in the one-sided stage of liking someone, I seem to act and respond pretty normally. I get easily excited, try to make them happy, and basically act like a cliché girl with a crush. I have my ups and downs, but do not experience manic episodes of obsession or depression. I'm simply focused on getting closer to them, and hoping perhaps they might want to get close to me as well.

However, upon entering a relationship I flip out. There's usually a denial phase of 1-2 weeks, in which I can't believe they're interested in me and, consequently, push them away in an effort to show them I'm not what they want. I generally do an emotional-backpedal, even going so far as to forcing myself to hate them in order for me to become less attached.

Eventually I accept that hey, this person likes me and it's alright for me to like them back. At this point I enjoy a few short weeks of bliss, which is regrettably peppered with periods of intense longing when they are away. I want to give them everything, and go out of my way to buy presents and leave little notes whenever possible. But it's fun, knowing I'm wanted.

The truly disturbing part comes after about one month of being together. I'll begin to feel intense physical nausea when around them, or sometimes even when thinking about them. This is not to be confused with the "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. My whole stomach seems to cramp up, and it seems being with them or thinking of them has become disgusting. I lose my appetite when someone mentions their name, and can't eat more then a few mouthfuls when around them without feeling ready to vomit.

When around them I seem to drift into a state of lethargic apathy, with a "yeah, so what?" attitude that really isn't pleasant. I'll know they're not happy, but won't feel like doing anything about it. It's as if I'm watching myself screw everything up and realizing yes, I'm ruining everything, but not being driven to do anything about it. However, once they leave I become morose and overcome with a desire to be with them again. Yet when I return it's the same feeling of disgust, or lack of any feeling at all. It's as if my body is doing everything it can, physically and mentally, to distance me from them.

I was never abused as a child or in a relationship, and do not suffer from depression or any sort of mental illness. I do not take medication, am both physically and socially healthy, and feel I at least approach relationships in an equally healthy manner. What could be wrong with me?

I'd love any advice or help anyone could give. Thank you.

[vashti]

Offhand I'd say you ought to avoid relationships until you get some professional help, assuming what you say about the symptoms of physical illness is not exaggeration.

[Ellynn]

Its either what Vashti said, or you like the thrill of the chase or something like that. But, once you have them you lose interest. I've heard of that. (I just don't quite get the nausea and all that stuff.) But, I'm surprised that once you push them away you want them back again. I've mainly heard about girls who do all this, and then once they get what they want, they want something better.

Have you tried talking to someone about this? Maybe try a counselor or something? Or maybe you are actually afraid of an actual relationship? Maybe you feel like you have no control or something and therefore you push them away. Have you ever been in a normal relationship that maybe didn't end so well? Maybe thats why this is happening.

[joe1234]

wow get a doctor girl cause you crazy

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, I think you need to look into this therapy thing, because even though you don't think you were ever abused, I'd bet you were. Therapy is wonderful.

I think you ought to check into that whole lesbian thing, too. I don't want to piss you off, but I suggest just thinking about making out with another girl and see where that takes you.

[chica1x2]

Its either what Vashti said, or you like the thrill of the chase or something like that. But, once you have them you lose interest. I've heard of that. (I just don't quite get the nausea and all that stuff.) But, I'm surprised that once you push them away you want them back again. I've mainly heard about girls who do all this, and then once they get what they want, they want something better.

Have you tried talking to someone about this? Maybe try a counselor or something? Or maybe you are actually afraid of an actual relationship? Maybe you feel like you have no control or something and therefore you push them away. Have you ever been in a normal relationship that maybe didn't end so well? Maybe thats why this is happening.

That's what I figured, though I'm equally confused about the physical stuff. People in my family have a history of strong reactions to stress, so it could possibly be that I'm causing my own ailments.

I guess I kind of had a "bad" relationship a few years ago, but it wasn't really normal. I was friends with a girl who I experimented with a bit, but who would find out which guys I was going after and go after them herself. I guess that could be triggering some of the impulsive chasing I seem to do, and maybe some of the trust issues.

[chica1x2]

Yeah, I think you need to look into this therapy thing, because even though you don't think you were ever abused, I'd bet you were. Therapy is wonderful.

I think you ought to check into that whole lesbian thing, too. I don't want to piss you off, but I suggest just thinking about making out with another girl and see where that takes you.

I can say with 100% certainty that I was not abused. The closest I've ever gotten was some semi-forced experimentation with a friend a few years back, and those memories aren't painful or repressed. After hearing these responses though, I do agree therapy might be helpful.

That's funny, because I'm going out with a girl right now. I dated a guy about six months ago that caused the same negative response in me, and thought I'd try dating a girl to see if it would make a difference. It hasn't though, so it's not a problem of sexuality. Thank you for your input!

[Mish]

I agree with others on the basis that your problem is a psychological one. Psychological problems are 50 / 50. 50% Environmental and 50% Biological. If you have a biological predisposition to abnormal reactions / behaviour, chances are the environment around you will structure itself (Most of the time) in a way that assissts the symptoms rather than resolutions.

I definetly advise therapy to find out what it is that triggers these chemical reactions inside of your body. What is it about the relationships (Trust, Intimacy, Fear, Closure) that makes you want to ruin them. Once you begin therapy I think you will find out that you are not alone in this.

P.S. Nausea + Apathy = Warning Signs