Never re-marry? Then why... (short)

[nebulachic]

I'm dating this guy (8 mos) who told me early on he doesn't want to get married ever again. But he became like glue on my shoe after the 1st date. He started calling me everyday and sees me as often as he can (which would be every night if it weren't for my schedule). We have both acknowledged we feel like a married couple sometimes. And a lot of people ask us if we're married when we're out.

It confuses the hell out me sometimes. Why is he acting like we're a married couple if that's the last thing he wants??

[vashti]

My guess is that he enjoys the benefits of marriage, but not the responsibilities. (I can't say I blame him.)

Are you okay with that?

[Lloyd95]

My guess is that he enjoys the benefits of marriage, but not the responsibilities.

Read: He wants to be with you, but if you split up, he doesn't want to lose half of his sh*t.

[nebulachic]

OK.. I can understand all that.. particularly since he's not been divorced very long. I guess I'm hoping NOT to hear that when a guy says "I don't ever want to get married again" it's not just that means to ME.

Sound likely though?

[vashti]

Lots of men are very bitter after a divorce because they actually romanticize marriage more than women do, so they take it harder when it falls apart.

It could be that he is just bitter for now, or it could be that her really DOESN'T intend to marry again. However, since you say he didn't divorce long ago, I am sorry to say it is possible he won't marry you because you may be the rebound girl, so be smart about this relationship and protect your heart.

[Ellynn]

Its alot easier to get into a marriage then to get out of it...... And after going thru a divorce recently, you can't blame him for not wanting to jump into anything LEGALLY binding right away.

Doesn't mean u can't act like your married etc..... Heck, its probably wiser to find someone as a companion for awhile then to jump into anything.....


If you want marriage and kids and all that from him.....you may be waiting awhile.... This might not be the guy to do all that with...

[nebulachic]

We've already talked about the kids thing. He doesn't want more and I don't want any.

[vashti]

Good, then there should be no need to push things. From my point of view, the only reason to GET married is to have children.

[Ellynn]

Good, then there should be no need to push things. From my point of view, the only reason to GET married is to have children.

I agree.... In this day and age with the divorce rate so high....and with the cost etc....its almost better to live together for quite some time first.

One of my friends is finding out the hard way how hard it is to make a marriage work. She was soooo quick to get married.....thought she had found the one after only dating him a few months. But now, a yr later, she has gotten to know him and his ways very well...and realizes she should have waited.. Its not like she can just walk away if the marriage doesn't work out. (She can't afford to.) Not like if they were just living together.... She has to tough it out and try her best to make it work...which is hard at times. He has already moved out a few times...and then ended up moving back in.

So why deal with being legally bound to someone if you don't have to.

[lovesjoyajm]

Not like if they were just living together.... She has to tough it out and try her best to make it work...which is hard at times.

I think that's one of the major problems with the relationship scene today. People want to be able to just up and move out and NOT work out the problems. There are plenty of couples who have been married for 50 years and are very happy, and most of them probably went through hard times just like your friend. Life's hard.... people have just gotten so lazy that they'd rather find another relationship to keep them happy till they run into another problem, etc. It's pathetic.

[Ellynn]

I think that's one of the major problems with the relationship scene today. People want to be able to just up and move out and NOT work out the problems. There are plenty of couples who have been married for 50 years and are very happy, and most of them probably went through hard times just like your friend. Life's hard.... people have just gotten so lazy that they'd rather find another relationship to keep them happy till they run into another problem, etc. It's pathetic.

Oh I agree with you 100%. People don't try like they used to... But, the point Im trying to make is that PEOPLE SHOULD NOT rush into marriage or commitment until they ARE FOR SURE about it! I mean, if you are just in a relationship without marriage.....and things don't work out even after trying.. at least its not so hard to walk away....

Where people who commit themselves to marriage one min in a hasty decision....and then a few months down the line say....."I don't wanna deal with this anymore". That is what I disagree with.

I mean my friend is trying... I mean she has put up with alot! She rushed into marriage....and thought she really knew him.. But of course everything is all peachy in the beginning usually and it really takes time to get to know someone and how they are. I mean, even if she would have just lived with him awhile first, I think she would have seen how he really was and wouldn't have rushed anything! Now she deals with his temper, and they get into physical fights....., name calling..., him coming home super late from work and not calling her.... etc. She makes excuses for him, but I know shes not happy. Shes basically stuck... And yes there is a kid involved... But still.....now shes gotta try to make it work.....even if it possibly is something that was doomed from the beginning... I mean I do give her credit for trying.
I just think marriage is something that shouldn't be rushed into... cuz divorce is a messy thing .... not to mention expensive..

[vashti]

I think that's one of the major problems with the relationship scene today. People want to be able to just up and move out and NOT work out the problems. There are plenty of couples who have been married for 50 years and are very happy, and most of them probably went through hard times just like your friend. Life's hard.... people have just gotten so lazy that they'd rather find another relationship to keep them happy till they run into another problem, etc. It's pathetic.

Some relationships are not worth working on, and people who have been married 50 years know it.

You gotta know when to hold 'em
know when to fold 'em
know when to walk away
know when to run

[keeptrying]

I think that's one of the major problems with the relationship scene today. People want to be able to just up and move out and NOT work out the problems. There are plenty of couples who have been married for 50 years and are very happy, and most of them probably went through hard times just like your friend. Life's hard.... people have just gotten so lazy that they'd rather find another relationship to keep them happy till they run into another problem, etc. It's pathetic.

Isn't this so true. My wife left me 3 weeks ago and the reasons she left me for seem so ---hmm fixable. I put the ring on my finger for a reason beacause I knew she was the one and No matter what problems arised I knew we could fix them. However she is now gone which puzzles the crap out of me beacause she seemed so committed since day one and all the sudden bam we are done. Sure we've being through trouble in the last 6 months but it wasn't severe enough to end our marriage.
As for this guy not remarring right away I don't blame him. I would find it very difficult to remarry again if our relationship is forsure done. You think you know and trust someone to stick it thru and nope they back down. Where are all the honest committed people?

[tremer]

My guess is that he enjoys the benefits of marriage, but not the responsibilities. (I can't say I blame him.)

Are you okay with that?

I think that statement hits the nail on the head. If you have a problem with it you should confront it before it goes any further!

[mhussain]

We've already talked about the kids thing. He doesn't want more and I don't want any.

Please forgive me, but you do not want kids. You go out and have fun and you have been together for 8 months, happily I hope.

But you are upset that he does not want to marry again? err I do not see why!

Hussain

p.s. waits for Shh! to explain it to him