What To Do What To Do

[numerouno]

Ok I met this girl and we started dating. She is wonderful in every way, and cares for me alot, so she says. Well I like this other girl more than her. And my girlfriend knows that I like the girl but not to the extent. Well last night I realized that I have more than feelings for this other girl. Realized it when I was happier to see her last night than my girlfriend. Ive known that ive liked this other girl for about 2 weeks and kept sitting on it thinking it would change...but no realize that its not going to, my feelings are getting stronger and stronger, and my feelings towards girlfriend are not as strong. And now im not so sure what to do. I dont want to ruin something good I have going, but I dont want to continue going out with her when I am crazy about this other person.

[tkris]

okay, I know you're confused.
I know you don't want to ruin something that is good, but if your feelings are stronger for the other person and they keep getting stronger, I think you should try it out, because if you don't you'll always wonder what if?
I know you don't want to hurt your girlfriend, but you need to tell her before things get ugly. Sometimes you have to think about yourself and your feelings. Hope everything turns out okay.

[sfalexi]

Well here's a few things that COULD potentially happen

1) You stay with your girl and deliberately lose contact with the other girl. "Outta sight outta mind" and you're happy with your girl.

2) You stay with your girl but continue seeing this OTHER chick. Feelings continue to grow, you go nuts.

3) You leave your girl and try a relationship with the other chick. She doesn't return your feelings and you're womanless.

4) You leave your girl and try a relationship with the other chick. She returns your feelings and you guys start a good relationship.

Out of these four options, I personally would choose number one. I'm the type of person that wouldn't ruin a good thing on a 'chance'. How much do you know about this other girl? Do you know if she even is in a relationship in which case you can forget about it at all? Do you even know her sexual orientation? Hell, you could be the wrong gender for her. Is this someone you TALK to all the time (like REALLY talk to, long conversations, etc.) Do you have any clue that she'd want to date you and possibly start a relationship with you? Better think all the angles or you could end up "Chasing Amy" (for those who saw the movie)

Alexi

[Iron__Metal]

I agree with Alexi, pick number one, chances are risky but sure things are...sure things lmao

[IceQueen]

The only thing I can say is -- break up with your current girlfriend. If you like someone you have known only for two weeks over your gf, you probably don't like her at all, and it would be honest to break up.

In other words, I'd
1) break up with current gf;
2) start to get to know the 2-week acquaintance;
3) if things are good ask the acquaintance out, if not, remain single.

In other words -- current gf is certainly not the way to go.

[jerzygrl]

Okay, seriously, sometimes this forum can be so backwards. Why must someone HAVE to have a girlfriend/boyfriend? I am a firm believer that its OKAY to be alone and take risks. Its better to take a risk and lose than to always wonder "what if" or have any regrets. One should always regret the things they have done, rather than things they did not do.

Definitely DONT PICK NUMBER ONE. It maybe hard to break things off with your girl-- you dont have to tell her exactly why. But just let her know you need time to think about things and you need a break. Take the time to figure out what you want. In any case, follow your heart. Also, if its not this other girl, im sure another one will eventually come along...

Go with # 3 or 4

[numerouno]

I think you misunderstood me....ive only been going out with my gf for about two weeks....ive known this other girl for about a year....and i cant just not see her so the out of sight out of mind thing wont work...she goes to my school and is in two of my classes. She does like the opposite sex so im good there

[sfalexi]

think you misunderstood me....ive only been going out with my gf for about two weeks....ive known this other girl for about a year....and i cant just not see her so the out of sight out of mind thing wont work...she goes to my school and is in two of my classes. She does like the opposite sex so im good there

Since you're not that 'strong' with your current girlfriend, I fully support Ice's advice. I thought that you had been with your girflriend for a long time and this other girl was just an 'infatuation' rather than someone you've known for a year and grown stronger and stronger towards.

I am a firm believer that its OKAY to be alone and take risks. Its better to take a risk and lose than to always wonder "what if" or have any regrets. One should always regret the things they have done, rather than things they did not do.

So are you supposed to just throw away whatever you have if someone comes along that intrigues you slightly more? So everytime you see someone new that gives you a smile and a wink and makes your knees weak its time to go flocking to them and see what happens? Are you EVER going to be in a serious committed relationship with that attitude?

Also, why should people always regret the things they DID do than those they DIDN'T? Either way there's serious regrets. And I would think the regrets would be HARDER to deal with if they knew they gave up a great thing for 'some interesting chick' rather than knowing that they're still in a great relationship and not caring what would have happened because at least they made the choice to remain happy and not take 'the chance'. Watch the movie "Chasing Amy". They guy leaves the girl and regrets his choice DEEPLY that he left and would have been much happier if he had just stayed with her. Is that what aim for?

'Chuck' Brown

[Ironliftr3]

Originally posted by IceQueen
The only thing I can say is -- break up with your current girlfriend. current gf is certainly not the way to go.

As usual, I agree with Icy. I was in a similar situation in the not to distant past. Only, I WAS in a very serious relationship, contemplating engagement, with a girl I dated for over two years, and had been living with for one. I started to have very strong feelings for another woman I met. Like you, I knew I needed to make a choice, however I NEVER looked at it as an "either or" situation. Becoming so strongly attracted to another woman made me take a SERIOUS look at just how happy I was in my current relationship. Could somebody contemplating marriage have such a strong attraction to another women, and TRULY be 110% happy with the person they were with??? HOW could that be???

After weeks of SERIOUS soul searching, and deciding what I wanted for my future, I did exactly what Icy suggested above. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. She was of course VERY hurt, and of course I was as well, but I knew, and know, that it was for the best.

As far as the 'other' girl, it's been months, and that hasn't quite panned out the way I would have liked, for various reasons, including me needing to get over a long term relationship. We 'date', but it's not any exclusive 'love affair'. None the less, all things happen for a reason, and meeting her saved me from a potentially tragic situation down the road. If I hadn't discovered I wasn't happy NOW, I surely would have down the road.

Summary- If you are more attracted to, or happier being around, somebody else other than your current partner, a relationship with the 'other' is irrelevant. What is IMPORTANT is that you figure out WHY you are more attracted to someone else, and do the right thing for all parties involved.

[numerouno]

Well, I talked to my current girlfriend and told her everything and decided that it would be best to stop seeing eachother. Because I know these feelings towards the "other" are not going to go away, they will only get stronger. So I think that breaking up with her was for the best...