help with depressing moments =\

[naoki322]

So i just wanted some advice from you guys, everytime me and my girlfriend get into some of debate/arguement over little things, she's always telling me it's all her fault. And i should just let her feel bad, i try to tell her i can shrug it off easy so she need not to worry about. But she keeps telling me the same thing, i dont want her to always do this to herself alone. Wondering if you guys have any good points for me to tell her that i want to be there for her, and she shouldnt be taking all the blame for herself.

[Tiay]

Do you think she's depressed? More than the normal ups and downs of life? She sounds like she's a bit down; I mean, the whole point of arguing is to AVOID blame! kidding... but seriously, just tell her that you're there for her (if it really is true) and that you want some of that damn blame that she's hoarding all for herself

Has anything traumatic happened to her? Like, somebody close dying, parents divorcing, etc? Even if it was a long time ago.

[vashti]

She might actually be depressed, but this is more likely an attempt to manipulate you. She apparently likes the attention you give her when you try to assure her it isn't her. If this is the case, it will get old fairly quickly, and you'd better advise her to find a more productive way of gaining your sympathy/attention.

[Tiay]

hm. Vashti makes a good point. Though genuinely depressive people are often falsely labelled as attention seekers, it's hard to tell which it is since we don't know her in person.

[vashti]

hm. Vashti makes a good point. Though genuinely depressive people are often falsely labelled as attention seekers, it's hard to tell which it is since we don't know her in person.

She needs not be either depressed or an attention seeker. It could be that she is both depressed AND seeking attention to try to "fix" herself. doesn't matter - it will get old, and she will have to learn to deal in another way or risk alienating people.

[Tiay]

"pull yourself together!" is not something that works on genuinely depressed people though.

[vashti]

True, but we are merely speculating that she is depressed. The original poster did not indicate that he felt she was. Assuming she IS depressed, though (in a clinical sense) she will STILL need to pull herself together, but it would of course be with the assistance of a professional.

[Tiay]

yeah, I concur.
the post does say "depressed moments" but that isn't really enough to go on. Maybe she has low confidence and needs the constant reassurance of him saying that things aren't her fault.

[naoki322]

i believe she is depressed sometimes, but you know just thinking too much into it. and like im gonna assume most people would not be depressed over such things, and tonight didnt get any better either. she's just insecure that i dont really love her? i just dont understand... it's so fun talking with her and such when theres no bad mood going on. I don't know why she just cant keep that.

[vashti]

She sounds very high-maintenence. How old are you both?

[naoki322]

i'm 18 she's 19, both in college of course. I know we're both young, i personally dont like to throw around the word "love" but for her. I know i love her., and she loves me too. sounded sort of cornny but yeah...

[vashti]

Well, if you love her, I guess you will have to decide how willing you are to participate in the game she is playing, assuming she is unwilling to change.

[TAVS]

Wow. Wow. Wow. Be grateful man...Everything is always my fault; I'd be glad to be in your shoes and have a woman who actually takes credit for a thing or two.

[vashti]

Everything is always my fault.

It is so good to see a man be able to admit this.