What to do when it's all you fault..

[XPixiedustX]

Ok so i'm in a really weird situation, I've been with by boyfriend for just under a year, and things are going great, except we keep fighting A LOT! and the sad thing is, it's mostly my fault if not entirely. I'm really insecure, mostly cuz of my past relationships, and I'm really competitive..when ever he achieves something, my first reacting is not a pleasant one, and deep inside I know I should be happy for him, but I'm jealous. This usually lasts just for a day or two and then I'm happy for him. Plus i'm at a point in my life where I really dunno where i'm going and he does, and I hate that too. Everytime he shares how happy he is with his carrier choice I wannna tell him to shut up. I'm not too supportive either, he's really smart and innovative and everytime he has an idea I just put it down. To add to all thsi I'm continuously nagging him, complaining to him, about everything, somtimes it's stress from classes and other times it's just things that bother me.( I know I have issues ) the thing is most people don't really start arguing unless something really bothers them, I just hard to keep my trap shut. Strangely enough when he's down, I'm first to go help him. It's not like I want him to fail or anything, I really want him to do well in life especially since I know he can go so far.
I really love this guy, and i know he loves me too, we wanna get married one day, but I feel like my actions and attitude is really damaging our relationship, and is probably even affecting him personally. I really dun wanna lose him, and everything else is great, we are really honest with each other, the sex is good, he's my best friend and I'm his, my parents love him, and his parents like me too. In general he doesn't get angry, but I feel liek I'm really pushing him. This relationship can be soo much more amazing, and I feel liek I'm really blocking that.

I guess I want to know if anyone ever felt this way, and if they did what did you do about it, or if anyone has any ideas as to what I can do...

[vashti]

I don't think there is any special secret or trick here - you just need to not let your emotions take charge of your behavior. For example, you can feel jealous without saying anything mean. Hard, I know, but it gets easier with practice.

Do you respect this guy?

[XPixiedustX]

Do you respect this guy?

I really do, a lot, which is why my behaviour is really bothering me, cuz I find myself saying things I don't want to, and a lot of times i dun even mean...

[Gigabitch]

Take up kickboxing. Not kidding. Channel your aggression/ competitiveness appropriately.

[Teezy]

I think he should look at you and say "NEXT".

[RoxyFoxy]

We've all been on the same ship. All drank the same cup of tea. It's just something he has to get used to. You said he doesn't get angry most of the time, that's good then, that means he's learning.

[XPixiedustX]

I think he should look at you and say "NEXT".

If by that you mean he shoudl dump me then I say it's really easy to give up on people, but if you really love someone then you try to fix things, and really I wanna fix things.

[XPixiedustX]

We've all been on the same ship. All drank the same cup of tea. It's just something he has to get used to. You said he doesn't get angry most of the time, that's good then, that means he's learning.

I want him to like the relatioship too, I dun want him to get used to it. I know if I were in his place I wouldn't wanna deal with myself. And your right most women if not all complain, but I think with me it's excessive, he really doesn't get upset easily if he' s saying I yell too much, then it really must be bad.

I guess I just wante dto know how much exactly other women nag, cuz I've never been with a woman lol so I really dunno...

[GrkScorp]

well pixie.. i'd dated a couple of women, and all I can say is that there are only two genders.. male and nagger... it can be about anything.. about why you were 5 minutes late, about why you didn't call the second you were done with what you were doing, about why you are about to go away from them, and do something else that does not involve them.. and they will nag you until you can't take it anymore, and you just have to do it... it's strategy... they say it over and over again until you say.. "fcuk it"... it's kinda like the Israeli propoganda that goes around in this country.. "they have our freedom".. you know it's BULLSH*T.. but they just say it over and over again or else they get fired by some "green-silver-man-berg-itz-swartz-er" dude up high in the corporate latter..

same thing in relationships.. you don't go along with the nagging flow.. u're in for a blow.. there's... MORE nagging.. MORE psycological warfare on making you feeling guilty... MORE cold sholders... MORE fears of getting fired as a boyfriend... until it gets to the point.. that YOU can't take it anymore.. and then it's over.. and then you wonder why it ever was...

But in short... (getting back from my lil tangent).. EVERYONE nags.. women start it.. and don't deny it... but I know men who retaliate with nagging... Nagging is by far most annoying.. because it is a total waste of time.. I'd rather be making a castle out of cow dung than listening to nagging.. Plus.. it gets you nowhere..

[XPixiedustX]

well pixie.. i'd dated a couple of women, and all I can say is that there are only two genders.. male and nagger... it can be about anything.. about why you were 5 minutes late, about why you didn't call the second you were done with what you were doing, about why you are about to go away from them, and do something else that does not involve them.. and they will nag you until you can't take it anymore, and you just have to do it... it's strategy... they say it over and over again until you say.. "fcuk it"... it's kinda like the Israeli propoganda that goes around in this country.. "they have our freedom".. you know it's BULLSH*T.. but they just say it over and over again or else they get fired by some "green-silver-man-berg-itz-swartz-er" dude up high in the corporate latter..

same thing in relationships.. you don't go along with the nagging flow.. u're in for a blow.. there's... MORE nagging.. MORE psycological warfare on making you feeling guilty... MORE cold sholders... MORE fears of getting fired as a boyfriend... until it gets to the point.. that YOU can't take it anymore.. and then it's over.. and then you wonder why it ever was...

But in short... (getting back from my lil tangent).. EVERYONE nags.. women start it.. and don't deny it... but I know men who retaliate with nagging... Nagging is by far most annoying.. because it is a total waste of time.. I'd rather be making a castle out of cow dung than listening to nagging.. Plus.. it gets you nowhere..

ok see I agree nagging get you nowhere... I don't need to be told that, I need to know what I can do, to control this. Are you saying that i'm gonna be dumped soon if I don't stop nagging?

[TAVS]

Make sure you share this information with him. Let him know you see that there is a problem and want nothing more than to fix it. If he cares about you he'll understand and the intimacy of you sharing will make your relationship stronger.

[XPixiedustX]

Thanks TAVS I think I will!