how long should you wait??

[Lindz25]

i have recently started dating a new guy who is younger then me(that neither here nor there ) but we've gone on 2 dates so far, we've been getting to know each other for the past almost 4 months. now I know it's only been 2 dates but...how long should a girl wait before being sexual with a new guy? I mean...my last bf we fooled around and stuff before we began dating(uber bad relationship btw!)
so really...how long should one wait?!
any help would be grrrrrrreat!
Thanks!!

[King Zarathu]

How old are both of you? Perhaps waiting longer means preserving the relationship, especially because the relationship with the guy in which you "fooled with" simply sucked.

[Lindz25]

im 25 and hes 21(i know i know, but seriously, hes really amture for his age)
and i dont want to jump into the sex bit right away. i just havent dated someone new in 5 years so its kinda like im new in the whole dating game again. my first bf, we waited 3 months before we did anything(he was my first partner). and i do want to wait a while with this guy bc i really really like him and respect him etc etc...

[King Zarathu]

Don't worry about the age, it's completely fine (in my opinion).

Regarding the sex, you have several choices. One of which is to just chill out and if he tries to pull out his shit when you're not ready you can say "bitch no." However, you can also tell him up front. The thing is, the second one seems very "in your face" and I wouldn't like that at all; and yet the first one would seem like you're rejecting him.

Things lead to another. Making out > feeling that ass > feeling those titties > down the pants etc etc etc...

If you decide which point you'd like to stop it at, you can prevent it from going any further with your body language instead of verbally (unless, of course, he confronts you).

Best of luck.

[Lindz25]

yeah good points!
see im totally fine with talking about it. and the vibe i get from him, he'd be open to talk about it too. i mean all we've done is a little kissing, so nothing much. and i know id like to wait a month or 2 just to make certain of things. cuz see i want to avoid those awkward moments of making out, it trying to amount into something then having to basically say "no...not now!"
ugh this is all so new to me that i have no idea how this works LOL! most the ppl i know(well the few girls i know) dont seem to wait and ugh i could never do that...BAH!

[King Zarathu]

Maybe if the guy you're dating is as mature as previously stated, he'll wait without you having to tell him to.


Wait--he's a guy...****.

[shh!]

Just tell him you want to take things slow. If he's willing to wait for you, good. If not, kick him to the curb. You should not feel pressured to provide a resting spot for his semen.

By the way - I think if you aren't ready to TALK about sex, you aren't ready to be having it either.

[Lindz25]

LOL!
yea, i dunno...i am just not looking forward to if we are making out and he tries something...i raelly dont wanna shut him down. i mean i WILL, but well u know what i mean lol

[daletom]

At your ages the 4 year difference is something to keep in mind but probably not a major problem.

You say you respect him, and I think it's important to you that he returns the respect. Part of that respect is respecting your attitudes about sex. To respect your attitudes he first needs to know what they are. At some point - in the daylight, not when you're making out with him in his dorm room at midnight - you need to educate him. Sexual expression spans a spectrum, from holding hands to having intercourse with the intent of conceiving a child. He'll have no problem accepting the notion that various things on that spectrum are (or are not) acceptable to you at various points in your relationship. Come out and let him know that you foresee a time when you will be naked in each others' arms, enjoying post-orgasmic afterglow - BUT THE TIME IS NOT HERE YET. If you can explain the conditions when various activities become acceptable, so much the better. But make sure he understands that his respecting your limitations is very important to your decision to have sex with him.

And then help him follow through. He's going to test your limits, at least unconsciously and perhaps deliberately. RESPECTFULLY tell him "No, not yet.". Gently but firmly move his hand from where it shouldn't be to a better place. And don't hold it against him, or use it as a weapon in arguments (e.g., "You only want me as a sex object.").

You're asking him to do something that is, at his age, difficult for him to undersatnd and harder to do. His body REALLY wants sex. It will help him if you can provide an alternate outlet. If it doesn't compromise your principles, help him hump against you (clothed, or undressed as you think best), use your hands or mouth. This not only relieves the immediate stress, but assures him that you really are working toward a more intimate encounter in the future, and that you're willing to work with him toward mutual goals.

[daletom]

LOL!
yea, i dunno...i am just not looking forward to if we are making out and he tries something...i raelly dont wanna shut him down. i mean i WILL, but well u know what i mean lol

Just be polite, respectful, and consistent. It helps a lot if you've explained "the rules" beforehand. Then you can relax and enjoy the activities you two have agreed are OK - building this kind of mutual communication, trust and respect may even accelerate the journey to "the next step".

[kanzaki]

sex them up since you both are so old

for me, i have waited quite long b4 i do anything extra