It sounds liek a seriously unhealthy relationship, and you really need to end it.
There is no point in staying with him cuz ur worried breaking up will make him crazy, or he'll be lonely, or cuz of how you were in the past. Point is your just not in love with him anymore.
Thsi is about you, and this relationship is not healthy for you, and you need to get out now!!!
Plus when you do it, make sure he knows it's final, don't give him any hope at all!!!
And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.