sitting there on my desk all night long...waiting in msn for that green person icon to come online... sitting there waiting...til he calls me. sometimes sitting there until i fall asleep...sometimes he calls me...sometimes he ignores.
each day is a mistery. one day i could be so happy, the other i feel so misserable. Then again...i pick myself up by thinking that he might be busy. or maybe he is not in the mood of talking to me. maybe it's because of his mum is sick...maybe he's just plain tired. day by day i tried to stay. i tried not to give up my hope. til the day that he would see me as more than a friend.
But what did i find yesterday? my own best friend, met up with him. not coincidently. but they planned it. after all these times i told my best friend about how i feel about him....she went online just to tell me that she had a "date" with him. then laughed and went offline straight away.
really thought she was joking. but no...it's the truth. yet the night before he didnt tell me anything. not one single word about him meeting her. why was it such a secret? i dont know. Why did my best friend do that to me? what am i supposed to do? why is it her ??? i thought it would be someone else. but why her? why? i was shocked, and couldnt believe what just happened. what was she thinking?? why she did that to me? thousands whys filling up my mind. about the whys it's such an intentional meeting.
i called her on her phone. no answer. i message him, she said i was over reacting. and said "dont worry...just a date,...i wont steal d love of your life" Greattt...wasnt that SOOOO sensitive of her?
it's just so unfair to be me. if it wasnt for my mother, i wouldnt be sitting here writing this stupid stuff. if it's not because she expects me to ONLY be with him, i wouldnt be writing this pathetic story. i love him since i was in 6th grade. and i still love him now. but it seems like no matter how long i waited for him, his heart will never be mine.
people tell me to wait for him. til his mum recovers from cancer treatment. to wait for him til he settle down in his job. to wait for him...wait wait wait and wait patiently. i did...but then??????
thinking that he wouldnt even have a place for a girl in his heart. yet he met up with girls in his spare time. and the girl is my best friend. GREAT! he also kept it a secret too! til i asked him if it's the truth. he wouldnt tell me if i didnt find out, would he???
i just feel like a clown...