Taking back a cheater?

[Neveryoumind]

Just interested to see what people's opinions are about someone who has cheated on you. Is it ever ok to go back to them?

Or, is this under all circumstances, a definite no?

[King Zarathu]

In my opinion, if they cheated once, what prevents them from doing it again?

[Neveryoumind]

They realised how much you mean to them when they had lost you? They realised that you were the best and no one compares?

And, what if, it wasn't entirely their fault? What if it was your fault as well?

[xwfuro]

k well personally no way would i ever take back a cheater pretty much. there is one exception though.

if i were with the person for years and they cheated on me and we broke up. i would potentially get back with them if they proved to me that they are completely devoted realized what they did was a mistake and they loved me. the only reason i would consider it is because after a few years your probably in love with the person.

other than that if i was dayting someone or maybe seeing someone for months no way not worth having that shit on my life you will never trust the person 100% again no matter how hard you try the though will always be in the back of your mind.

if they can do it once theres a pretty big chance it could happen again.there are always exceptions to the rule

[Pears]

Just interested to see what people's opinions are about someone who has cheated on you. Is it ever ok to go back to them?

No. It is hard to regain trust after it is broken. The fact that you've been cheated on will remain. If you go out with the person who cheated, it will be a constant reminder. Sure, you can forget and try to move on, but everytime something suspicious happens, you will lose that trust. Also, cheaters aren't worth dating, whether they made a mistake or not. Find someone better.

[Only-virgins]

Taking them back? I don't think so.

[Neveryoumind]

I guess... I may own up and say this isn't just out of interest but rather my ex cheated on me... we were together for 4 and a half years.

I think she can be trusted. It was partly my fault. In fact, I will explain why I think this and most of you will probably think I deserved it.

The part that I find hard is not the trust. I am sure there will be less trust but I know I can still trust her. The problems are:
She cheated, and got pregnant now she has someone elses kid. I don't want kids and it seems by going back I will be taking her bagage, which doesn't seem to be my responsibility.
The other problem is, just knowing that she did it. How can I ever have sex with her knowing some other guy has done it and cumed inside her while I was with her? Knowing other guys had been with her before me was bad enough, but obviously that wasn't a reason to break up, but knowing she did it while with me it's different.


Now, the story...
I live in Australia, but I am not Australian and I visit my parents at the end of each year for a bit over 2 months.
Now, we normally lived together, but she went to her moms place while I was away and when I got back we would find a place to live together again. In 2005 however I came back, stayed with her at her moms place for 2 weeks then moved out without her. As bad as this sounds I had some very valid reasons (she didn't cheat, just other reasons) and I think most people would do the same in my situation.

Now, I didn't really see her after that, I sms'd her but didn't really have much contact with her, and at times I would not see her for up to 2 months. Of course, I told her, and this is true, that I had car problems and it was hard for me to get around, not to mention I moved into my friends house that him and her never got along, so even though every now and then she would come over and stay over, I felt uncomfortable bringing her into my friends house, out of respect to him. He would let me use his car but again I didn't want to keep borrowing his car when they didn't get along.

Also, she did tell me someone was interested in her and if I don't start showing her more attention and love she would be with them. But, I didn't believe this, I thought she was trying to get me jealous. I could not believe that she would ever do that to me, no matter what.
But she did. She got pregnant, and she moved in with him. She lives with him now but keeps telling me how much she loves me, how no one compares to me, how all she wants is me, and she doesn't know why she did it, it was the biggest mistake of her life. At the same time, she's told me before she needed to be loved and feel special.


Now, I guess I took her for granted. But I trusted her very much. When I saw her pregnant she told me she was going to be a sarrogant mother for a couple who couldn't have children of their own. I trusted her so much that I believed her, and we remained together, until she had the baby (about 6 weeks ago) at which point I thought I may as well ask for the IVF papers, and the clinic papers. But she couldn't produce them. She couldn't even tell me where this IVF Clinic was. So I told her, without those papers I will assume she cheated and we would break up anyway, so to just be honest. She ended up admitting what she did.



I don't really want people to think I am a dickhead who treated her bad. Like I mentioned there were good reasons for not living with her, and for how I acted. Other than that I have always been nice to her, always did everything for her, never touched her, or anything. I never even really raised my voice in arguements or anything.


But this is my story. And I don't know what to do. I love her, and want her, and she does me too, but she has someone elses kid, and she cheated.

Am I just attatched to her, and can't let go? Or is it, that what we had was trully special. It seemed that way...

[Only-virgins]

Woa there keyboard cowboy, type less! say more!

[Pears]

He's lazy... but then I am too.

[xwfuro]

plain and simple she cheated, and unless you can erase it from your memory completely your not gonna ever trust her completely again. you may not think that now but just wait until the day where she isnt answering the phone and you arent sure why, and your mind starts racing .

[Tone]

WOW - that is really ****ed up...

She cheated on you and got pregnant.. and now wants you to take her back and help raise some other dude's seed???

I think if you allow a cheater to come back, they will know in the back of their mind that if they want to cheat again, all they have to do is cry and moap in front of you and you'll take them back... if they get caught.

[Rosebud]

That's a pretty difficult situation your in there.

Yikes, I think the main thing here is that you both did things for certain reasons. I think you pushed her away thinking she would always be there no matter what and how you treated her (maybe without thinking about it). That backfired on you and then she tried to get back at you and is now dealing with her consequences.

I don't know if I would necessarily just accept what she is telling you right now. She did just have this baby and post pardum depression takes a toll on someone. Not saying it makes you say things you don't feel, but woman are very emotional in these times and It can last up to or longer than a year in some cases. So to take her word on all this, is not really the best idea. She's probably very remorseful and is exressing that but when her eotions go back in order.....she could feel something totally different. Keep that in mind.

On top of that, her having this child and it being a "constant" reminder of what she did is a big thing in this case. If you guys do get back together you will have to step up to the plate and take on some kind of role. It is not your child but I'm assuming this child would be living with her and that adds even more salt to a open wound. Are you ready for that role of "step parent" to a child of the person she cheated on you with? The child deserves everythign in the world but in this case, I'm just talking about you here!

So Unless you feel you can let water on the bridge on all these I would suggest you move on. It's bad enough you two having these problems, but trying to work on them and learning how to take on a whole other role of "step parent" is a very very big responsibility!

[TAVS]

Run, don't walk away from this situation.

[dono]

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Converse]

Simple answer: No.