How should I proceed?

[TAVS]

She'll cheat on you just like she's cheating on him. You're both lousy human beings in my book.

Nice guy my ass. Tell that to her boyfriend.

[Tone]

I WAS in your position..

With an ex g/f she was goin out with someone new... but would tell me stuff about how I'm the sweetest guy she knows.. I'm such a better man than her current b/f.. the ****??? then why aren't you WITH me??

She would call me when she knew I had nothin to do and ask me to bring her food to work.. and like a chump I would. I WISH I had LF then or SOMEONE to smack some sense into me.. but I didn't - I had to learn the hard way and now I'm tryin to tell you - PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!

You don't have to say "No" just say "Sorry - I can't. Ask your boyfriend." This girl is playin you, whether it's her intentions or not, subconciously she knows she can get exactly what she wants with you, she knows she can stay with her boyfriend, because she knows you are not going anywhere. As long as there is no threat to that, she's going to keep on seeing her boyfriend, knowing that all she has to do is give you a few compliments, tell you how sweet you are, etc and that if things don't work out with her boyfriend she has you.

Fuuuuuuuuuck that. What kind of chump are you?? You need to be like "Listen.. I really really like you as you know.. and it's just too hard for me to be so close to you.. yet so far... it's too hard when every single thing inside me is pulling me towards you, but I know I can't have you. I know you're in a relationship and that's cool.. I can respect that.. but I don't think we should continue seeing each other like this if it's not gonna go anywhere."

No shame in it. Give her a wake-up call that you're not gonna be around forever.. and if she really wants to be with you she needs to make a decision.. instead of having you wrapped around her finger incase things don't work out. BE A MAN... put your foot down... otherwise she'll just keep walkin right over you and the day you fantasize about when her b/f will breakup with her and she'll come running to you probably will never happen.

[TAVS]

*High-Five* Tone!!!!

[shh!]

Yeah, I pay for it too. I'm a nice guy, probably too nice. But I know telling her no isn't going to get me anywhere. Guys, what would you do if you were me. Really try to put yourself in my position and women, if you were her, what would be the reasoning here?

Sorry, there is a difference between being a nice guy and being a sucker. I think you have crossed over into the lollipop category.

[tbwco]

That's actually great advice Tone and in the back of my mind, I've pretty much been telling myself all the same things. But as far as her cheating, we have done nothing physical TAVS. I'm not gonna say I don't care if she has a boyfriend, but there's no ring on her finger. I won't give up on a girl I like because she has a four month boyfriend, **** that. But Tone, you're absolutely right. I will give what you said a shot just so I don't have the confusion anymore, if nothing else.

[Tone]

I'm tellin you man, the ****ed up way the mind works - the more unavailable something is - the more we want it. There is no challenge in you right now. She has you right where she wants you.. but if you start to break apart.. take a stand and show you're not gonna just let her have her cake and eat it too.. might make her re-think the situation a bit more.

I agree that just because she has a 4-month relationship you shouldn't just completely move on and forget about her.. stick around but TAKE CONTROL of the situation. Don't let her dictate how things are... you're taking a stand and letting her know that she can't just have all this for free. You can still be flirty, be cute, and all that - but make sure YOU are the one who draws the line when to stop with it... cut HER off.. make HER want -- okay I'm gonna stop here cause I'm really not tryin to help you steal someone's girl.

Basically what I want to help you accomplish is some self-respect, and to not let this girl, or anyone, take advantage of your natural "nice guy" nature. I was burned one and I'm tellin you - I'll be damned if I let it happen again.

[tbwco]

Thanks for the advice Tone, I understand that I can't be looked at in a good way in this situation, but I have no bad intentions. I would only like to have something with this girl if her and her boyfriend break up and I will work on limiting the contact to make her come to me. She knows how I feel, I can't make it any more clear so I'll take your advice and back off.

[clynn]

Yay!!

That is a GREAT idea!

[Ellynn]

She doesn't want to be with you now.......but likes having you around to have that extra attention and if things don't work out with her current bf etc. So basically shes kinda leading you on ....even though shes happy.

Its up to you if you want to wait around for her. Could be quite awhile....and you could really end up getting hurt. But hey...its your call.

[tbwco]

Yeah, I hear what you're saying, it already has hurt some. Would it be stupid to call her now and then at work, just to see how she's doing? Or should I just forget about it altogether?

[DutchBoY]

don't contact her....that wouldn't be much of making a stand.....let her be for a little while, couple of days, perhaps a week.....if she doesn't contact you in that time you can be sure you were just a nice toy on the side. Trying to do the same as well, and I know it is damned hard not to get in touch, but I'm hanging in there

[tbwco]

Well, because she works part time and we only talk through work (I don't have her personal phone number, I don't want to ask for it), I go up to a week without talking to her. Tonight for instance, she is working the graveyard shift and I have called a couple times when she has done that, just to see how she is. Yes, it is hard not to make contact and I hear what you're saying. If it's best to avoid any contact in the opinion of those here, that is what I will do. But do these circumstances change that any?

[DutchBoY]

nope, principle stays the same. Don't contact her for a while.

[tbwco]

See, right when I had dropped this altogether and gone to the not contacting her option, she calls me Friday night while I'm out of town. All this did was rekindle everything for me. I think I should continue with the attitude I had, where I was going to let her come to me, but it's stuff like this that creates so much confusion.

[RogerWilco]

See, right when I had dropped this altogether and gone to the not contacting her option, she calls me Friday night while I'm out of town. All this did was rekindle everything for me. I think I should continue with the attitude I had, where I was going to let her come to me, but it's stuff like this that creates so much confusion.

It's tough. Usually the reason she (or any girl) DOES contact you after a little bit of "downtime" or separation is BECAUSE you've successfully made it appear as though, while you may be interested, you still have your own shit to do and she's not necessarily the number one priority in your life and you're not fawning over her. That tends to make girls want you more. They want what they can't have, and don't want what they can have.