Should I still be feeling guilty?

[funlass]

I was going out with a guy for 3 months and everything was really good, we got on like a house on fire, I felt more relaxed with him than anyone I've ever been with and the intimacy had never been better, but I did not have what I see as the 'vital spark', so I dumped him. This was over 2 months ago now and although I think I've made the right decision, I still feel very guilty. I know he has struggled with the break up and I want to just go around and see him and give him a big hug... should I still be feeling like this? we have not seen each other but have been in contact on and off via email. is all this normal?

[xwfuro]

of course its normal. although you had no spark you still had feelings for him, and theres nothing worse than knowing you hurt someone that had feelings for you and that you can feel the same towards.. Maybe you should cease talking to him for a bit? talking still makes things harder sad but true

[clynn]

Geeeeze, it must be very confusing for him if you keep calling him and contacting him. I wouldn't contact him if I were you. Any attention ie: dropping over and giving him hugs, is going to confuse him.

See....from what you say...it sounds like your relationship was very good. I wonder what that ellusive spark is. I mean, if there was attraction AND friendship...but not a spark? Isn't that attraction what we call sparks? how old are you? Don't worry about answering those questions, that is just me musing.

[QUOTE=funlass]I was going out with a guy for 3 months and everything was really good, we got on like a house on fire, I felt more relaxed with him than anyone I've ever been with and the intimacy had never been better, but I did not QUOTE]

[funlass]

It was very good, but for some reason I had doubts because of the lack of spark and feeling of excitement. I'm 29, nearly 30, but I don't think age has anything to do with it.

[clynn]

Well, it has got to be right!
(anyhow - I reiterate - I don't think you should feel guilty but it is understandable that you do.
But you shouldn't contact him)

[gingersnaps]

Hugs will definitely confuse him and hurt him when he finds out they don't mean that you think the two of you are "meant to be."

I would also suggest some time not contacting him. Sounds like you are not quite sure exactly how you feel about him (how important that "spark" is, etc), and maybe it's possible that with a little time to yourself, you realize just how important he is to you (or that he really isn't.)

[Dailo]

I don't think you should contact him either. The guy's probably all confused and is in some way hoping that there will still be a chance for him to get back with you. And by staying in touch so soon after your break up, it'll just make him wonder and also gives him a false sense of hope.

Give yourselves some time to be apart, and see what your heart tells you. I was in a very similar situation recently, except I'm the guy who was the "dumpee". She left without really explaining much except that she didn't feel it. So it drives me crazy to think how it was possible to have such passionate love one minute and be over all of a sudden. The time that we have been apart gave me time to think and reflect on many things. I think I should thank her for being honest with me. And if she did call me after we broke up, I think I'd be going more nuts.

[dangerous]

i think you should see him and give him a hug, as long as there were no hard feelings like 'i hate you" or something... but yea, cuz it really sucks losing not only a lover, but a good friend too.
i know this because i broke up with my best friend/ boyfriend last year, and it sucked, but after a while we still couldnt be friends, and it sucked, but then he called and we hung out, became alright friends. but its great having him back in my life

[Converse]

Give it abit of time, then see if he wants to hang out. This might sound harsh but if he can't get over you then that's his problem.