Why does nothing happen?

[jay12]

As simple and as short as the topic would suggest.

Why does nothing happen to me in terms of love, relationships etc etc??

I go through life pretty normally, i get up, go to work, come home from work - occasionally go out on a week night. Go out most weekends, try to meet new people - sometimes meet new people. Try to dress well, look nice, be myself basically.

And yet this continues...constantly. Week after week. Same things. No relationships. No dramatic changes in my life. Nothing ever really happens.

I know this is incredibly vague and you may not quite get me, but any words will be appreciated.

Cheers,

Jay.

[Pears]

It sounds like you are on a routine and you're gotten used to nothing special happening. Maybe you need to try something different. Maybe you need to start pursuing someone.

[DutchBoY]

ye, that pretty much describes me untill the last couple of weeks. I found if you want something special, you pretty much have to make it happen yourself most of the time. The only dependant factor is if the one you pursue is up for something special as well, which makes the whole game of dating beautiful and a biatch at the same time. At least you'll feel alive when pursuing someone!

[jay12]

I guess i just have to get out of this rut and find someone to pursue then. Its just i really do try to meet as many new people as i can all the time (having just moved to big city and not knowing anyone 4 months ago), but i still havnt found anyone special and its becoming a chore.

The whole reason i moved here was to meet new people and find someone special. So far: no-one, just like small town life. Starting to wonder, is anything ever gonna happen?

[Pears]

Maybe when you pursue people, don't just meet them. Get to know who they are and befriend them. That will be more likely to start something.

[Only-virgins]

Girls think that guys are supposed to approach them and sweep them off their feet, yea right, like we dont have anything better to do lol.

[Cybog]

Pears is right. If you think Mrs. Right is going to just magically appear you are sorely mistaken. Men are supposed to be hunters, not pacifists who sit idly by with some fleeting hope that this mystical creature who you call "The One' is going to just suddenly appear.

Start asking women out. Forget the "friends first" mumbo jumbo or even the lame ass "getting to know you crap". Just walk up to women you know and ask them out for drinks or lunch or sex. Women don't like to wait around when it comes to getting a man. They are going to go for the aggressive man that comes up to them and asks them out. If you think women are seeking you out, you are sorely mistaken.

[Only-virgins]

Pears is right. If you think Mrs. Right is going to just magically appear you are sorely mistaken. Men are supposed to be hunters, not pacifists who sit idly by with some fleeting hope that this mystical creature who you call "The One' is going to just suddenly appear.

Start asking women out. Forget the "friends first" mumbo jumbo or even the lame ass "getting to know you crap". Just walk up to women you know and ask them out for drinks or lunch or sex. Women don't like to wait around when it comes to getting a man. They are going to go for the aggressive man that comes up to them and asks them out. If you think women are seeking you out, you are sorely mistaken.

[jay12]

OV - I completely agree with you. I hate the fact that it is us that have to do all the work. It is so much easier for women.

[blackiesharley]

Pears is right. If you think Mrs. Right is going to just magically appear you are sorely mistaken. Men are supposed to be hunters, not pacifists who sit idly by with some fleeting hope that this mystical creature who you call "The One' is going to just suddenly appear.

Start asking women out. Forget the "friends first" mumbo jumbo or even the lame ass "getting to know you crap". Just walk up to women you know and ask them out for drinks or lunch or sex. Women don't like to wait around when it comes to getting a man. They are going to go for the aggressive man that comes up to them and asks them out. If you think women are seeking you out, you are sorely mistaken.

I agree with every word there. I also understand the original posters question/concern, as I'm kinda in the same boat. I moved last year from Los Angeles, where I knew tons of people (and meeting women was fairly easy) to a small resort town on the Gulf of Mexico (where I knew nobody)

Within a month though I met a nice girl quite by accident at all places, Walmart. We started dating, became rather hot and heavy and then something happened (there's a thread on that here) wherein we decided to slow things down.

I FINALLY found, just last week a really hot club here with loads of cute single girls. (I was getting worried). I was so suprised at the place that I didn't even approach anyone to ask for a dance, etc.

But... I'm really dense and don't pick up on things too quickly, guess I'm WAY out of practice. Picture this senario last Saturday night... Large U-shaped bar, a dance floor behind that and a stage with a live band behind that. Two cute girls are sitting opposite side of the bar from me. (I'm in the corner). They get up, walk around the bar and take two bar stools next to me. It was a tight fit and being a gentleman, I helped them move the seats.

I sat there like a damn bump on a log for an hour or so listening to the band and sipping a wine, elbow to elbow with this cute girl without even talking to her. Finally, they get up to leave and she says 'thanks for letting us squeeze in, have a good night.'

It wasn't until they left that I realized that the only reason they moved over next to me was because one wanted to meet me. (I do attract a certain 'type' because of my image)

Moral of the story... I blew it by not being aggressive enough. Damn, all I had to do was turn to her and say 'hey, this a great song, let's dance.' OV is right. Males must be the hunters, we must leave cave and find prey.

I'm going back there tonight with a different, more aggressive attitude.

Edited to add:
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Start asking women out. Forget the "friends first" mumbo jumbo or even the lame ass "getting to know you crap". Just walk up to women you know and ask them out for drinks or lunch or sex. Women don't like to wait around when it comes to getting a man. They are going to go for the aggressive man that comes up to them and asks them out. If you think women are seeking you out, you are sorely mistaken.
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I guess that's my point. ESPECIALLY forget the the 'friends' B/S. I make friends with just about everybody I meet. I don't need a 'friend' I need a lover.

But I have two rules:

1- No lunch dates. Lunches are for 'friends,' evening dinners are for romance.

2- No 'meet for coffee' dates. See rule number one. Coffee is for friends, drinks are for romance. (assuming there are no alcohol abuse issuses with either party of course)

[vashti]

Uh, Blackie? I wouldn't overrule the lunch or coffee dates. Women like them because they feel it is a "safer" date than dinner (if you are going with a stranger).

Anyway, Cybog is 100% correct. Quit whining about how "unfair" it is and get on with it. You want to know what's unfair? Being stuck bleeding for approximately one week per month for 40 years, forever-shifting hormones and childbirth. Everyone has their burden to bear.

[blackiesharley]

Uh, Blackie? I wouldn't overrule the lunch or coffee dates. Women like them because they feel it is a "safer" date than dinner (if you are going with a stranger). .

Point well taken, but meeting for dinner in a public place is safe.

I just try and avoid (at all costs) falling into the 'friend zone' which is impossible to escape.... Coffee and lunch dates just seem to enhance that.

Just me....

[jay12]

Thanks for the advice. Points well taken, and i guess i will have to try being agressive/cheesy/more outgoing than perhaps i am.

It would be nice, and doesnt seem to out of the question to think that love will just happen at some point in everyday life though, rather than having to go out of my way to find it and hunt it down.

[Bluevetteracer]

You need to change your life.

I suggest a start by reading

"HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN"

(Black Cover, with White letterng)

[Only-virgins]

Thanks for the advice. Points well taken, and i guess i will have to try being agressive/cheesy/more outgoing than perhaps i am.

Whatever, listen to people and turn into a puppet. Either way, I have a date soon and I didnt do much.