3 1/2 Years. And so it ended...

[FreeAgent2098]

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years. Ever since I was 15, we've been together. I'm now 19 and she is 21. We did everything together, eachothers proms, spent a lot of time together. We have our own song, restaurant, and our own day. We spend time together every tuesday of the week, every week of the year.

The past few months i've been kind of resentful to her. And i've shown it by hurting her feelings, as unntentional as they might be. I expected sex every tuesday, which we usually had. I asked a lot of her, and she always gave back. I gave back too, but not as much as her. However, the reason I critisized her so much was because she didn't call me as often or because she was too busy to see me one day or the other. I called her a lot to, but sometimes she woulden't return my calls. This critisizing .. these snide comments I would say to her someday.. things like, "why can't you wear a skirt for me"? would irritate her.

So tonight... she told me we needed to end it. That she feels caged, and trapped with me. That she needs to look out for herself because she always gives in to what I want. That if I really loved her I would let her go(very cliche).

I said goodbye to her.. she hugged me and gave me a last kiss. I said "Ok" and accepted it, but never before have we broken up like this. I really feel like their is no turning back for this one, for her own good she woulden't accept me or take me back. I brought her flowers... thinking that she'd get over it, because she has gotten over it before with flowers, that she would just be ok and love me again. She says she loves me, but she woulden't accept the flowers. She's still wearing the ring and necklace I gave her... It kills me inside, yet I swallow it and accept it. I'm only kidding myself.. because somehow somewhere inside me is telling me that "Yea it'll be ok, she's just frustrated right now..." "Don't worry about it too much, everything will be ok, she'll miss you and call you". She's a really emotional person, she's very emotional. I just hope that she'll get back to me, that she'll miss me and let me know that she needs me back in her life.

I'm trying to keep this as simple as possible. She is my life.. she is everything that is love to me. My parents divorced when I was 12 years old, I caught my mom cheating on my dad with another man. Since then, i've stopped loving my mother. I've gotten into a mutual partnership of need with my mother, but not of love. I hate her to death and I always will, I just pretend I love her but I don't. I'm never in contact with my dad. Really, Belive me; she IS the only real love in my life.. and to lose that, would be to lose everything that i've known to be love. There is no support available for me. My girlfriend's dad is one of my role models, I always come to him with my problems. He's who helps me solve what's wrong and supports me when i'm down.. but I can never bring something like this to him, its just not right.

I'm pouring my heart out into this, there is no other method for me to deal with my feelings at this point in time. This is my only avenue of vent and support, and deep inside i'm just living on the hope that she will miss me and get back to me. I'm already planning to just save up two weeks of pay and get her a nice ring with a diamond and let her know I love her. Maybe that is what will get her to come back to me. I've really lost everything if i've lost her. We've been everything for eachother since we met. I'm ... i'll just end it here...

[clynn]

I don't think that phoning her dad is entirely out of line. You've been together long enough and I'm sure that he is thinking about your state of mind in this. if you grew close to him through her....it isn't fair to think that your relationship will just have to end because yours with her has.

Of course, this may or may not go on forever..........but I think that you are understandably in a fragile state now and it is okay to reach out to people who can help you - and, although he is her father, he probably also cares for you...and I'm sure he will help you by listening and allowing you to talk.

Everyone needs that sometimes....and from what you've said it certainly sounds like your own family can't be that for you.

[FreeAgent2098]

I can't live with myself right now. I ****ed up, I made many mistakes... she just unloaded them like a brick on me oneday and ended it. Why coulden't she of let know that if I didn't stop she would leave me, it just isen't fair. The response i'm looking for is whether she'll come back to me or not. Nothing is more important to me.

[misombra]

first of all, you're way too young to be asking this person to marry you. you should just learn from your mistakes and move on. girls don't like feeling like they're obligated to have sex with somebody. it makes them not want to do it at all, and it leads to breaking up. she's spent all this time with you and she is young and wants to do her own thing. if you ask, she'll probably say no, she won't marry you. just a warning. she grew out of this relationship, you should let go.

[FreeAgent2098]

I'm not asking her for marriage, and i'm not planning to yet.

[Lloyd95]

if you ask, she'll probably say no, she won't marry you. just a warning. she grew out of this relationship, you should let go.

I agree with this. I feel for you, but asking her to marry you would be foolish, and well pathetic.
You'll go thru the grieving state, but ManUp, you'll get thru it.

[bluesummer]

I think half the reason this is so hard for you is because you've made her 'everything' in your world, and now without her you feel like you have nothing. No wonder she wanted out.....the role you were unconsciously slapping her with was far more heavy than it should be. A girlfriend is not a replacement for the love and support of a family. They shouldn't also be the centre of your entire life. A real relationship is two complete individuals (that includes emotionally, psychologically) that aren't together because they NEED to be, but because they want to be.

Your criticism probably had a lot to do with it too. Can you imagine if this girl depended on you entirely on an emotional level and you did everything she asked of you and then you she turns around and spits it back in your face? Wouldn't that feel like an insult?

You need to maybe accept that the relationship is done. Also do yourself a favor, and don't go latching yourself onto someone else anytime soon. You need to talk to someone about your family issues before you start unloading it all onto another girlfriend.

PS I also think hating your mother for cheating on your Dad is an unproductive emotion. She didn't do anything to you personally.....it's your parents relationship, and the one you have with your mother is seperate from that. Try learning some love and forgiveness. Not every girlfriends parents are going to want to play surrogate mommy/daddy for you. There's a time to grow up and move on in life, and I think you need to consider doing that now.

[Late_vamp]

i agree with Bluesummer

[DutchBoY]

And I think you need to work on yourself.....demanding sex? where does that come from in a healthy relationship?

[vashti]

She has grown up, and wants to move on. YOu should do the same.

[FreeAgent2098]

Belive me though, she is not the girl that would switch over to another guy at any time, and she's been a very faithful and good girl to me. I know this girl more than I know myself, and I know that she'll call me a few days later saying she loves me and misses me. It's just hard to accept that security, that's why I come here to seek your advice. I could definatly write a whole book on this for you guys to understand it better, but her and I have gone and been through so much together that it would be very difficult for her to go on, much less find someone else.

I ****ed up. I regret it. I will learn from my mistakes and move forward, but if this week or two weeks go past and I don't hear from her, which would be the longest two weeks without talking, then that's where everything will start hitting me hard and i'll really feel the blow.

Throughout all these mistakes i've made, she just let em out on me all of a sudden. It just isen't fair, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Unfortunatly, girls tend to get over guys much faster than guys get over girls.

My biggest fear of all is for her to get over me and move on, she's a very emotionally attatched person.. for her to move on would take more than half a year, if not a full year to two.

Belive it or not, one of her best friend was one of the students that was killed at the Santana High School shooting. She's never been able to get over that, every march 5 she's emotional. Now this might not translate very well into the emotional attatchment compared to the emotional trauma, but this does show me that it will be difficult for her to move.

I can't give up... I have to show her that I can change for her, to show her how much I love her. And if that dosen't work, then maybe it is time to move on... because the best way to move on is to find another love, nothing is a smoother transition. Even then... you still love that person, and it's a feeling that will never go away as the years go by.

[misombra]

hey hayward hand me that spoon wouldja?

[FreeAgent2098]

Why can't someone just tell me that she will miss me and call me. Why can't someone root for this. All this dosen't make me feel any better now, and it wont later. I'm in a whirlwind of an emotional mess. I haven't slept more than 3-4 hours and I haven't eaten anything for a day. I feel normal, with the sick feeling in my stomach. The adrenaline is what is keeping me going. Either that or I don't know what else.

[bluesummer]

Unfortunatly, girls tend to get over guys much faster than guys get over girls.

What? Where'd you get that from?

My biggest fear of all is for her to get over me and move on, she's a very emotionally attatched person.. for her to move on would take more than half a year, if not a full year to two..

You're afraid that she will move on.....sounds like you're the one emotionally attached. And honestly, don't fool yourself into thinking its going to take her a year or two to get over you. If you truly believe that, you're going to get the shock of a lifetime, my friend.

Even then... you still love that person, and it's a feeling that will never go away as the years go by.

Yeah, if only that were true. Guess what? You grow up, you move on, and you meet and fall in love with other people. Sometimes a few times before
you actually meet 'the one'.

Why can't someone just tell me that she will miss me and call me. Why can't someone root for this. .

Because that's not reality and we'd be sugarcoating it for you. Unless that's what you'd like of course. I can lie to you if you want me to.

[FreeAgent2098]

You're telling me this, and yea it isen't making me feel any better at all. What can I do to cope? All these explanations of the situation but no solution to the problem. "Just move on" is very easy to say, I have to have a method of coping. What can I do for myself? What ever happened to true love? Have people not been together all of their life after high school before? It's happened, my grandparents are prime examples of this.

I respect your opinions and analysis, but I really need some way to cope. Dissecting this precious part of my life and shooting realism to me enlights me, but it dosen't make me feel any better.

That's like telling me my grandfather died. He's dead, he's not coming back, deal with it.