Talk me out of LONELINESS

[Sorcerer]

Ever had the feeling something about your relationship is NOT right? Ever needed to hide deep in a cellar without ever going back to the STORM outside? Well, sometimes I AM getting very tired of humans myself. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not talking about suicide, no way! It is just ...
Okay, I actually entertain people, that's what I do for both living and fun. I'm in the IDEAS business, whatever you think this might be. Anyway, I travel a lot from country to country, meet a lot a people, make new friends, have fun time wherever I go. This should tell me that I'm doing something with my life, something that counts. It tells. So, why do I feel LONELY?
Picture this relationship that started two years ago, just around Christmas, when I met a nice person at a party but didn't think it could go any further than polite talking. Somehow, she told me about a project she had to write for her communication class and ask me if I could help, being in business and all. I agreed to help with some advice and guiding and yes, she could call on January 6th and arrange a project session. I insisted on that very date considering my obligations and her dateline. Guess what: she called two days earlier.
It was only later in the spring that we actually started something (I left the country for February and March). We got to know each other quite nicely and profoundly, due to some common hobbies, and to finally share a perfect love.
As always, what looks fine is far from being perfect. Last year, my job required me to travel even more, wihtout being stuck to one place. And suddenly, I felt something was wrong. Although I managed to be with her and plan the summer vacation together, she looked like she was hiding something. And you know what? I'm a person that you could talk anything to, no matter how close we are. I called her and ask her out for lunch. And there, on the shadowy terrace, she acknowledge that she had an affair.
Well, I remained calm and make us both laugh about me having this weird destiny of getting people together, all my ex-girlfriends married shortly after I split, I coupled several and they still have happy families. Yet, under the laughs, I sensed something else, worse than having an affair.
She couldn't hide it any longer. She was pregnant!...
This was Monday. Thursday I was on the plane flying over to Tokyo. I composed a piano piece to "tell" her how I felt, things that I couldn't express in words. Sent it by email the night before.

Well, Iwasn't mad at all. I was composed and calm, and tell her that she had the right to do anything that made her happy. And agreed we could still talk like good friends, nothing was unacceptable, we both had different lives. She called me Wednesday night to ask me how I felt, well, I said, I sent you an email and put everything there so you could remember me. I'm okay, and you should too. I hope you're getting along well with your -- new. She said she didn't planned it, she was quite ravaged by this, especially so because she had an MBA scolarship and this baby wasn't exactly what she needed. I couldn't giver her any advice, why me? It wasn't me!!

Maybe we can talk at the end of the week a little more, she implied. "In the morning, I'm leaving the country; I hope I won't get back soon." How? Where? Why? She made me promise I would get in touch with her -- and I did. I wrote her, phone her and she finally ask me back....

Late November I had to take care of a new job in Spain and left again, not before I ask her to marry me. She went to Prague for that MBA while I was away, but agreed to send me info on how to get in touch as soon as she got there. You know what? NO MESSAGE until the winter vacation, when I found out she came back home but changed the local mobile phone number. I called her just to say hello. "I was just about to call you. Do you want to see me?" She had been back for two weeks already. And she was just about to call me?!

I said "No. I don't want to see you. Not now." It was like a stroke, you know, I craved for her and then suddenly I realized she was somehow lying again.

We talked once more over the phone before she would go to Prague. I wrote her and told her we could talk, don't just vanish. If she needed explaining I could listen and help. No answer, nothing.

I don't feel betrayed; although we agreed sometime when we loved each other and showed it that if we ever wanted to leave us it wouldn't be through the back door.

I just wanted her to put a sign on the door before she left so I wouldn't wait and lock me in.


Anybody care to talk me out of the crude LONELINESS inside? I think of surprising her with a drop by in Prague. Do you think it would be wise? I don't want to show up and turn her upside down; how would I know if she feels like ever see me again?
Shall I wait until she would say something?

[IceQueen]

Loneliness comes from lack of feeling understood. If you are feeling lonely in a relationship, you need to end it -- it's pointless.

[sfalexi]

I don't understand why you are still pursuing this girl. You started something, left for a while, came back and she's pregnant with someone else's child. Clearly this is an OBVIOUS sign that she's not quite waiting around for you. And she doesn't get in contact with you for months, doesn't respond to your plea of "please don't vanish". She's gone. Time to move on. She obviously wasn't the right girl from the get-go, but you refused to see it. Now you have to admit, it's pretty clear and right in front of your face that she's not your grade-A material. So let her go. And try to find someone who's loyal, trustworthy, and willing to be with YOU and stay in touch with you and support you during these trips.

Alexi

[Ironliftr3]

As I was reading this, near the end, I was thinking "where is IceQueen when you need her". What a suprise she was the first reply!

I agree, and Alexi makes a good point. Time to move on, and get her out of your system. Contact, even infrequent, is reopening a not healed wound.

If you need a place to feel 'un-lonely', this is a great place. I've only been visiting and posting here for a week, and have been welcomed by some great people, who I am proud to consider 'friends'. Good advice to be found here, and good company.

[Sorcerer]

Thanks guys for your advice. You're right, I should let her vanish. I'm 90% sure she's got her own way, which obviously doesn't even go near mine -- not mentioning cross! If nothing happens -- something that would radically change my mind -- in the next couple of months, I'll be moving over to Tokyo. Without looking back in anger....
As for "finding someone who's loyal, trustworthy, and willing to be with YOU and stay in touch with you and support you during these trips," well ... they don't come in all shapes and sizes. I only hope there IS at least a prototype of such someone: I'd gladly test the beta once more.

[sfalexi]

As for "finding someone who's loyal, trustworthy, and willing to be with YOU and stay in touch with you and support you during these trips," well ... they don't come in all shapes and sizes.

I beg to differ. I personally believe that there are PLENTY of women out there that would make you happy. The only thing that stops you from finding them is they are often overlooked by us because we're not looking for a girl, or we're intimidated, or we just never would think of them as that type of girl. For all I know, the girl behind the counter at the local McDonald's could be an awesome chick and I could really get along great with her. But I doubt I'll ever find out (in this case cause I don't eat there, in other people's cases because you really wouldn't ever think about someone like that as someone you want to ask out. To you, they're just someone that gives you your food. But in your defense, you can't ask out EVERY girl you see. So you have to pick and choose and hope you pick right. In this case, sorry, but you didn't.)

Alexi

[Sorcerer]

Sounds like the Love Lottery with the perfect match for the one-in-several-million winner! Wow! It crossed my mind that I should look more on an even wider scale. The problem is, you see, that most girls I met were not very confortable with my style of living. And I can't ask someone out and hope she be the ONE when I know I'll be away next week! I wonder how sailors ever cope with their relation-ships....