The beginning of an endless struggle...

[PreciousGem]

I am in love with my best friend. But we dated before we were best friends?

Does that make sense?

We dated for about 14 months in high school. But I felt like I was going in a direction that he really couldnt follow. If we continued the relationship, it would have ended in tragedy and possibly result in never speaking to each other again. (Like most high school relationships end up)

I was going away to college and he was staying at home. At the time I felt it was the right thing to do to go our separate ways. We remained best friends because that's what our relationship developed into.

It's been 2 years since we broke up, and we are in constant companionship. I was happy with the way things were going up until last month. When I realized that I am still in love with him.

We were perfect for each other. We were the type of couple that everyone envied because they were so sure we would get married out of high school. It didnt bother me that everyone thought that... even thought I knew it wasnt going to happen. I have big dreams of being a professional musician, and that takes time and focus. But he apparently agreed with the rest of the student body. We never fought about anything and we did everything together. He truely was my best friend.

You can all imagine how heart broken he was when I told him we should split. I felt bad, but deep down, I knew it needed to happen to save any kind of future we could possibly have with one another. And I was right.

I knew I had to tell him my true feelings, but I was too late. He's been in and out with the worst kind of girl. She's manipulative and controlling, not to mention jealous and selfish. She already has a serious boyfriend who she's been dating for 4 years... and she's cheating on him with my friend. He knows about the boyfriend... and apparently he doesnt care. This girl has led him to believe that he'll never be happy unless she's in the picture. And he believes her. All of our mutual friends told me he feels the same way about me... but this girl has his feelings, and not to mention his life all messed up. He knows how I feel now... but he's still messing with her. He has resulted to telling lies to everyone he cares about to keep this relationship he has with her secret. He's obsessed with her. He ditches his friends for her and he's been ditching school for her. He's turned into the very guy that I vowed never to date again. He's breaking my heart.... and I dont know what to do.

Help.

[clynn]

Sounds like there isn't a lot you can do.

You can remain friends with him and be supportive. You've already told him how you feel about him, beyond that there isn't much you can do.

[RSK]

I am in love with my best friend. But we dated before we were best friends?

Does that make sense?

We dated for about 14 months in high school. But I felt like I was going in a direction that he really couldnt follow. If we continued the relationship, it would have ended in tragedy and possibly result in never speaking to each other again. (Like most high school relationships end up)

I was going away to college and he was staying at home. At the time I felt it was the right thing to do to go our separate ways. We remained best friends because that's what our relationship developed into.

It's been 2 years since we broke up, and we are in constant companionship. I was happy with the way things were going up until last month. When I realized that I am still in love with him.

We were perfect for each other. We were the type of couple that everyone envied because they were so sure we would get married out of high school. It didnt bother me that everyone thought that... even thought I knew it wasnt going to happen. I have big dreams of being a professional musician, and that takes time and focus. But he apparently agreed with the rest of the student body. We never fought about anything and we did everything together. He truely was my best friend.

You can all imagine how heart broken he was when I told him we should split. I felt bad, but deep down, I knew it needed to happen to save any kind of future we could possibly have with one another. And I was right.

I knew I had to tell him my true feelings, but I was too late. He's been in and out with the worst kind of girl. She's manipulative and controlling, not to mention jealous and selfish. She already has a serious boyfriend who she's been dating for 4 years... and she's cheating on him with my friend. He knows about the boyfriend... and apparently he doesnt care. This girl has led him to believe that he'll never be happy unless she's in the picture. And he believes her. All of our mutual friends told me he feels the same way about me... but this girl has his feelings, and not to mention his life all messed up. He knows how I feel now... but he's still messing with her. He has resulted to telling lies to everyone he cares about to keep this relationship he has with her secret. He's obsessed with her. He ditches his friends for her and he's been ditching school for her. He's turned into the very guy that I vowed never to date again. He's breaking my heart.... and I dont know what to do.

Help.

Hey there Precious, it's me, RSK

(Before I give you advice, I thought I'd point out, that your avatar is upside down. If it's a creative thing, then forget about it).


First of all, is there any jelousy coming from YOUR part? The first thing you said, is that you LOVE HIM.

By these very words, you have allready created a 'field' around which you will judge HIM and his GIRLFRIEND.

Instead of taking Two Steps foward, and Instead of thinking on Impulse...

...do this: Take One Step back, and analyze the sitation with an open mind.

____________________________________

Let's face it: YOU were the one to break up with him. At that time, it was the right thing for YOU. And now, you want him back, again...because it is the right thing/time for YOU.

I can probably understand HIS feelings of uncertainty, the way he was allready hurt by you.

Maybe you should give this more thought.




As far as the GIRL he is seeing now...

...There's not much you can do, until he realizes she's a waste of time. You've talked to him, and he KNOWS what's going on...

...There honestly isn't much you can do as of now.



I hate to say it: But the same Pain he probably went through when you called the relationship 'quits', is probably the same kind of feelings you are going through yourself, Now...

...how ironic, huh?




I'm not 'against' you, I'm just giving you another perspective, so you can open your mind to more options and reasonings. I'm not in support of this GIRLS behavior to HIM at all! On the contraray, I hope he comes around, and 'chooses' YOU...

...based on your post above, and your closeness with HIM, my instict says that he will come around...




Let Us Know What Happens

[PreciousGem]

Hey RSK, (very clever by the way), I'm glad you gave me some feedback. And yes, my avatar is suppost to be upside down. It's from a video game, the character is falling from the sky and she's falling upside down. Hehe.

I never really thought about looking at it that way. I guess I've been so steamed from the fact that he promised me back in the summer that he wasnt gonna let her hurt him again... and then he lied to me about it this time. I guess I would say I'm jealous (honestly... who wouldnt be?) but my feelings of being hurt more as a friend by him than as a girlfriend has weighed in on top of that. Does that make sense? I guess it's just ironic that I also have strong feelings for him, but we've been friends longer than we've been a couple. So I've been looking at this more from a hurt friend's point of view instead of a SO's point of view... which is certainly a view worth taking. We were always honest with each other (which made our relationship that much cooler), but then I come to find that he's being lying to me for the past few months. Yes, I probably would have been made if he had come to me with this new information... but he made the situation worse by lying about it and thinking I would never find out. No one likes being lied to by their close friends. But the whole friendship concept has been better since our last heart to heart... he doesnt lie to me about if she's with him or not. Which, I guess, in a way is a vast improvement.

So thank you RSK, for your honest opinion. It's something I will definitly think about it and hopefully my outlook will change on this whole situation.

All I want for him is to be happy... and to live a life with someone who is truely worthy of him... even if that someone is not me. And I know this girl is ruining his chances at that kind of life.

[Mish]

Wow, RK. That's a great post! You said everything I was going to say only with a greater clarity than I probably would.

but he's still messing with her. He has resulted to telling lies to everyone he cares about to keep this relationship he has with her secret. He's obsessed with her. He ditches his friends for her and he's been ditching school for her. He's turned into the very guy that I vowed never to date again. He's breaking my heart.... and I dont know what to do.
Help.

I will only reply in response to this bit at the very end.

I don't understand how he could be breaking your heart since you two are not in a relationship. Remember, when you called it quits you seperated yourself from him and by no fault of his own left him in the cold to find a new replacement. Maybe his replacement is not satsifactory or to your liking, maybe she hurts him and mistreats him the way you described but this is a replacement that he chose and if you have any kind of feelings for him you will respect his decision.

Pretty much, until he comes around and decides himself that what he has is not what he wants there is nothing you can do, just provide a shoulder of support to rest on as a best friend should

[PreciousGem]

You are exactly right, I have no say so in who he dates or who he spends his time with. A lot of my friends told me I should forget about him and never talk to him again. But he's my best friend... I just cant leave him out in the cold. Not when he's going through a difficult time, even with someone who doesnt deserve him. I was there for him back in the summer and I will be here for him the next time he gets hurt.

There is another factor to this situation that probably plays a big part into the whole problem... and guys... you will probably know what's going on in his head.

He lost his virginity to this girl after only knowing her 2 months... everyone says he sees her as a "goddess".

Thoughts anyone?

[misombra]

if you want to help someone, don't help them.

nothing you do will stop him. you have to stop interfering with his life and get one of your own. you broke up with him giving him the freedom to see whoever he wanted. sorry.

[RSK]

Hey RSK...


...All I want for him is to be happy... and to live a life with someone who is truely worthy of him... even if that someone is not me. And I know this girl is ruining his chances at that kind of life.

Hey there Precious. Now WHY are you calling me RSK? Only strangers call me that. I'm RK. And that's what you can call me



You are a nice person, and things will work out.

[PreciousGem]

My apologies.... RK. Wont happen again.

You are a nice person, and things will work out.

Thanks, I know things will work out. Thats why patience is a virture... and probably why I dont have any. My music professors are actually working with me on my patience this semester. But its very hard watching someone you care about go through life's obstacles and making mistakes along the way. I just hope he learns from them instead of repeats them.

[RSK]

I just hope he learns from them instead of repeats them.

The above sentence reminds me of a quote from the movie shawshank redemption...


RED: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

Letter by ANDY: Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.

RED (after reading letter): I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

[misombra]

it's not. it's green.

[RSK]

it's not. it's green.

huh?

the ocean? they guys name?

[vashti]

Hey! I still call you RSK. Just because Tone was too lazy to type out the "S" doesn't mean we all are!

[RSK]

Hey! I still call you RSK. Just because Tone was too lazy to type out the "S" doesn't mean we all are!

lol

call me RK. all my friends do! it's short an quick...

almost like, OK, but with an 'R' instead



I'm gonna call it a night here, it's allready 12:00 am, and I have a long day tommorow


Good Night

[PreciousGem]

The above sentence reminds me of a quote from the movie shawshank redemption...


RED: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

Letter by ANDY: Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.

RED (after reading letter): I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

GREAT movie RK!