My turn My Turn

[TAVS]

So I was thinking about all these 'I need space' type of deals and whatnot. Tone also got me thinking in his last post when he mentioned being with someone too much can lead to one 'noticing annoying behavior' more than they might otherwise.

So as you know, I'm now living with my girlfriend whom I also work with. Unfortunately, or fortunately, this means we are together approximately 90 hours a week not counting the 50 hours we sleep next to eachother. Alright, that leaves 28 hours un-accounted for; but with the exception of maybe 12 hours, we probably together for that time as well. She works in the cubical next to me; so we're literally attached at the hip.

Anyway; we've been getting into arguments lately. For the most part these arguments involve what I would consider growing pains as we adapt to living together. On the other hand, however, it could be a result of spending too much time together.

What do you think about my situation? Are we askin for trouble being around eachother so much? If so; what should we do about it?

[Tone]

Yikes - that would be tough.

Not only do you live together, but work together too! Not only do you work together, but sit next to each other AT WORK! Yikes.

I think you should just set certain time aside durin the week to hang out with your other friends, or just to do something away from each other. Otherwise you're going to be at each other's throats soon.

[vashti]

I couldn't imagine working, sleeping and spending all my free time with the same person, whether they were my S.O. or not. I can't see how anyone could stand it.

I thought you mentioned her job was going to be gone soon. If that has changed, I think one of you ought to look for another job in addition to spending some free time without each other.

[jmoney715]

definately agree with Tone, i feel that for a relationship to be healthly you both need time apart to do your own things, and just have that alone time. sooner or later one of you guys are going to resent one another and things will get pretty ugly.

[Tone]

Yeah I was gonna say that too... if there's any chance you can at least switch departments or somethin - cause even with spending free days away from each other - to have to be around someone at work as well as live with them... that seems like too much.

[Tone]

definately agree with Tone, i feel that for a relationship to be healthly you both need time apart to do your own things, and just have that alone time. sooner or later one of you guys are going to resent one another and things will get pretty ugly.

Yeah soon you'll start arguing about stupid things - JUST to try to prove you're right and the other is wrong. Doesn't matter what you argue about, it's all about the principle of you being right. You'll find yourself arguing over the color of a car you saw driving down the street, etc.

[TAVS]

So I should stop avoding the situation and I should just come out and suggest we try to spend some time alone here and there?

We both hate our jobs and would love to quit each day we come into work; but new jobs aren't easy to find; especially with bills to pay.

[Tone]

I think that would be a good idea. Just let her know you're just tryin to avoid future complications so she doesn't start thinkin like you already are sick of her, or somethin. Also, help each other look for new jobs LoL.

Do you guys ride to work together, too?

[TAVS]

I think that would be a good idea. Just let her know you're just tryin to avoid future complications so she doesn't start thinkin like you already are sick of her, or somethin. Also, help each other look for new jobs LoL.

Do you guys ride to work together, too?

Good call; that's where some of the 'missing' hours go. Our hours are shifted by an hour and a half.

[jmoney715]

So I should stop avoding the situation and I should just come out and suggest we try to spend some time alone here and there?

We both hate our jobs and would love to quit each day we come into work; but new jobs aren't easy to find; especially with bills to pay.

its going to be a tough one to bring up, she will definately get the wrong idea. But REASSURE, REASSURE, REASSURE. then REASSURE some more.

[artyemi]

tavs, you're worried about seeing each other too much?
i assume you're not always talking to each other when you're at work, right? how much do you interact at work? and yes, single time is always good.

[TAVS]

tavs, you're worried about seeing each other too much?
i assume you're not always talking to each other when you're at work, right? how much do you interact at work? and yes, single time is always good.

I dont know; not constantly. The cubical wall is decently tall. I go and check up on her 2-3 times a day and she might stop for a second when she gets something from the printer (we're adjacent cubicals but have to walk around other cubes or call to have direct contact). Lately we've been having lunch together quite a bit. Maybe I could start there and only have lunch together if one of us is having a particularly bad day ( all too often ).

[artyemi]

I dont know; not constantly. The cubical wall is decently tall. I go and check up on her 2-3 times a day and she might stop for a second when she gets something from the printer (we're adjacent cubicals but have to walk around other cubes or call to have direct contact). Lately we've been having lunch together quite a bit. Maybe I could start there and only have lunch together if one of us is having a particularly bad day ( all too often ).

Or it doesn't just have to be the two of you going out to lunch. Ask others to go to. That will liven it up a bit.

[Rosebud]

Ok I have been in this situation before. It was very hard because my Ex and I lived together, worked together, and some of the same friends. It helped a little becasue his schedule changed some what but not much. So what we started doing was going out with our friends instead of hanging out so much together. Or we would invite our friends to our house and just keep our distance and talk with everyone else (not avoiding just not attached at the hip all night).

I completely understand what your going through and I thinkt he fights could be a little of both being comfortable with one another, and spending too much time together.

So you have to break it up a little, like on night tell her your going out with the boys and the next ngiht or whatever tell her she should get out of the house for awhile becasue she hasn't in a long time or something.

Granted ti may not turn out bad but if you tell ehr you need space she may look at it like you need relationship space and not actual space for yourself! Just my 2 cents.

[misombra]

but it would suck to spend all the time you spend together to be at work and then when on your off time you're trying to spend time away from her.