Sexist dating help sites/books??

[doll69]

Why is it that the VAST MAJORITY of dating help sites/articles/booksare aimed at helping MEN?? I know this is controversial and I'd probably get bashed some, but I *really* think that the biggest obstacle in dating is often caused by men worrying too much about rejection and so does not act.

As a female myself, I have (too often) wondered how to get the guy to not just STARE, and actually APPROACH (hellooo?). Like, what is the secret to a damn DATE? Really??

I've been known to turn quite a few heads in sweatpants, so I don't think I'm ugly. I go in med school and do not consider myself stupid or obnoxious. Even people who don't agree to the above would admit that I have my own style and a good personality. And if you get to know me, you will also see that I am extremely kind and compassionate. When I tell ppl I don't have a bf, they always respond with a suprised look and 'that's hard to believe' or something along those lines. I really hope I don't sound arrogant here (cos that is really not what I am), but I have friends who don't have all those qualities, or to a lesser extent, but they all have bfs. One of them who is obnoxious and constantly jeeringly sarcastic <-- I think she has serious self-esteem issues, but that's another story, has two!! (what the @#$% is up with that??)!

It seems that guys don't even wanna get to know me or give me a chance to see if I'm dating material. They just want to look and that's it. It's kinda like you're peeking at someone. You LOOK, but once that person turns around (i.e. I smille/hint that I may want to go out), you'd steer clear VERY quickly and never look back (well yea, they do, except they just stop at the LOOKING stage again). I am thinking that there is something painfully and outwardly obvious about me that makes guys think that I am just plain undateable, except no-one can tell me what that thing is. The only reason I can think of at the moment is that I am SHY- but I don't believe that is the only obstacle that have caused me to be dateless for the 19 years I have been on this earth.

ANYWAY, enough about me...the REAL question is: does anyone think that there should be more help books/articles for FEMALES on dating? For example, I hoenstly think sometimes it is harder to get a guy to make a move, then for the guy to make the actual move. I honestly don't think guys necessarily have a harder time.

Agree? Disagree? Feel free to coment!

[funsounds]

shoot...i stare at girls all the time...doesn't mean i'm gonna go up and talk to them or ask them out...staring generally means nothing except they find you physically intriguing. aside from sleazy places and sleazy people, it takes more than good looks for a guy to feel the need to speak to a girl. in most environments, it's not easy going up to a complete stranger with no reason to go up and talk to them except for the fact you find them physically attractive. and trust me...in most cases, the guy that'll walk up to you cold and try to pick you up just cuz you look good...that's NOT the guy you wanna give the time of day to.

here's a question though...what are you looking for...and where are you looking?

[shh!]

Med school at 19? If that is really true, you are very young for medical school, and males may find your intelligence intimidating. If you are extremely attractive, again, men may find you intimidating. Otherwise, you just may not seem approachable, and need to work on that.

To answer your original question, I think the reason that most dating books are geared towards men is because most women still wait around for men to ask them out (rather than the reverse) and as you said, men are often chicken sh*ts. If you are really concerned about having to wait around, you could always do the asking.

[Bluevetteracer]

Here is why -

At some point, women, even into their 30's are giggling, laughing, dress like, and act like there are 13.

Or, they look like they are having extreme PMS (very serious looking) and look unapproachable.

Or, you girls run in flocks, where the situation is then made awkward for us to approach. How would you feel walking up to a 6 or 7 guys, have them all stop talking, turn and stare at you with a blank look on their face as you make your overture.

Women are also non-creative. They do not think of meeting men except in the places that they read about in those magazines that hang by checkout stand.

MEN ARE EVERYWHERE. You women should DRESS and act like you are available at all time. Not just when you "Think" you are going to meet someone.

Here is an example.

I am taking some graduate level courses on the side at a local university. There were 3 guys in a class of 35 women. They all dressed like crap, and complained there were no guys to meet.

I stood up; walked to the front of the class, and addressed 30 some women aged 22-30

I said, look, there are 3 single guys in this class that work at an Air Base with thousands of single guys. You may not find us appealing, but maybe you could work us for some of our friends???????

BE CREATIVE. Again, they just stood with a blank look on there face like a deer in the headlights. Then one said, "your married right".

I said, why would you say that.

She says, "You look married"

I said, "OH, I must me married then".

Flip Flops, hooded sweatshirts, ball cap, and no makeup, makes us think of our sister sitting on the couch during her PMS phase, and most of the class looked like that.

If you are women, looking to find a good quality man, husband/father type with a professional job, etc. ACT LIKE A WOMEN, DRESS LIKE A WOMEN and MOVE LIKE A WOMEN.

[Late_vamp]

i completely agree with bluevetteracer .

altho its kind of funny to see the reaction of women when you approach them in somewhere unexpected . for example , the metro ...

thats where i first meet my ex GF , thats how we started dating . i did not actually think that she would talk back to me , i tought i would get an awful attitude look and it would make me laugh out loud (because im crazy like that).

[Hugo Pickle]

Almost any womans magazines are constantly filled with articles from how to get the guy you want, to how to please him in bed. It is only recently that men have had good info for things like this, from places like askmen.com and mens health magazine to maxim and other regular publications.

i would also start with general relationship books like, the five languages of love, and men are from mars and women are from venus.

[doll69]

Thnx for the recommendations Actually, I DO "ACT LIKE A WOMEN, DRESS LIKE A WOMEN and MOVE LIKE A WOMEN." Actually, I have gotten reactions such as "why do you always dress like you're in a fashion show?" that's a bit extreme, but the point I'm trying to make is I don't dress like crap

Who am I trying to meet? Anyone that is willing to meet me Who cares if it doesn't work out, I could always do with more friends, I'm open-minded like that. Where am I meeting these people? Everywhere possible (where I have time for, so in other words, not a lot of places, but I DO make an effort.)

Yes it 'really is true' that I'm in med school, there's no reason to lie on a mssg board Over here, we do not have to do a degree before we enter, it's straight from highschool. I don't think intimidation is the reason, cos I've been told 'you don't look smart' (err, thnx). And I am not particularly opinionated nor do I use big words either, so people don't even believe me when I tell them I'm in med school (which I think could work to my advantage)

funsounds: I realize VERY well that guys who look could just be doing that. But I also find it difficult to believe that NONE of them (not one) may have been interested in something more. Especially when some of them hang around whilst giving me lingering looks and then they start to come like halfway across the room whilst looking at me, and then suddenly turn and walk away <-- I think they just changed their mind. I don't think I look like I'm PMsing. I try to smile at the damn guy, but it seems that this is not enough. You're right, maybe I should just ditch the act and just approach myself, though I still need to work on my confidence to do that.

Actually, I DO think the physical attraction is a good reason to approach someone. I have heard often that dating is a numbers game (and I agree whole-heartedly), since physical attraction is compulsory, why not approach someone based on this? THEN you can find out whether you're compatible, that's the whole point of dating right?

Bluevetteracer: The "You look married thing" thing is just too funny ...or maybe not so funny cos that may be the reason why some people are single...

EDIT: SHOOT! I just realized the smilies overload anyway, you guys get the point that I'm a pleasant person right? lol

[Bluevetteracer]

Doll, are you going to Med school in South America?

[NeoSeminole]

where do you do live? I've never heard of going straight to medical school without having a BS degree. Normally you have to take courses in biology, chemistry, anatomy, and genetics. How many years is medical school where you live? In the US, it's 4 yrs plus 2 yrs of residency.

[Bluevetteracer]

where do you do live? I've never heard of going straight to medical school without having a BS degree. Normally you have to take courses in biology, chemistry, anatomy, and genetics. How many years is medical school where you live? In the US, it's 4 yrs plus 2 yrs of residency.

Why do you think the bulk of the free world comes the states to get medical care?????????

VASHTI LISTEN UP???

Wait, what's that, the sound of crickets?

WE HAVE THE BEST HEALTH CARE IN THE WORLD!

The evil drug companies, the evil "big corporate hospitals" We should punish them with more taxes. That way then can invest less into research for the cure for cancer and pay for someone's welfare check so they can sit on their ass and contribute nothing to this country/World.

OFF RANT

[misombra]

i agree, make those old people on medicare and social security get off their asses and do something!

[shh!]

Don't forget about the poor children, misombra! They can work, too. I think of the days of 6 year old factory workers as the "good old days"!
:-)

[Debunkt]

YEAH! Let's tax the hell out of drug companies and hospital! I know I want to pay more when I get sick or have a medical emergency. And screw people with cancer! If they're only gonna live for 40 years, they're going to have to do a lot more work to keep things fair. Oh yeah, can't forget about poor people on welfare. I mean, its not like its American economic and social policies and institutions that put them there anyway. I'm sure they're just lazy asses and love being poor.

[Rosebud]

Back to the original post:

I don't think it would be a good idea to have a dating book directed to females on "how ot get a guy to make the first move". I think there should be more books out there directed to woman. But I sorta agree with Hugo in that there are many magazines out there such as "Cosmopolitan" which specificaly targets areas women are concerned with.

If your so worried about a guy making the first move, why don't you step up to the plate and go after what you want? Nothing turns a guy on more than having a woman be agressive in certain situations, and that being one of them. Why wait for someone to possibly confront you, and lose your chance to get to know someone you may be a little interested in?

[Only-virgins]

Why is it that the VAST MAJORITY of dating help sites/articles/booksare aimed at helping MEN??

Because all women ever do is stand and look pretty.