Stay together or not?

[lovender]

I have been with my boyfriend since 18 and have been going out with him for 6 years. He’s my best friend and I love him. Lately, I’ve been wondering whether we’re just really good friends and that’s it. I’m not sure I’m in love with him. We get along great and have a lot in common but our sex life sucks. ~ twice a month for the past few years. We’re both in our mid-20’s and attractive. Shouldn’t we be having more sex? It’s like there’s no spark between us. This is why I’m wondering whether we’re just friends. I tried talking with him about our relationship but he just says that everything is fine. We’re talking about marriage. I don’t want a loveless marriage no matter how great of a guy he is. I’ve also had a crush on another guy lately. I’m wondering if we’re just going through the motions by heading towards marriage or if it’s just because I haven’t really dated anyone else and now I’m just curious. Is it time to break it off or am I just nuts for thinking that our relationship is a sham?

Please advise.
Thanks.

[clynn]

I woudl think that most people in long term relationships would tell you that things do decline in the sex department after a long time.

But it would be nice if we wanted to talk about it. That's what I think A lot of men do and I think that is a big mistake.

[Only-virgins]

Don't get married or do anything you do not want too.

[Tone]

Wow... from 18 - 24 there is so much to experience and you both have had to spend those years with just one other person.

But it sounds like your problem is just lack of sex. Which there are a lot of things you can do to try to spice things up - if both of you are willing. Why don't you talk to him about your sex life, and tell him you want to spice things up more and see if he can come up with anything? Good way to see how strong your relationship is and what kind of guy he is. If he gets lazy with it or really wants to try hard to please his woman of 6 years.

[shh!]

It is very possible you are just outgrowing him. There is a huge amount of personal development that happens in your twenties.

[TAVS]

It is very possible you are just outgrowing him. There is a huge amount of personal development that happens in your twenties.

Unfortunately that could be the case. I find it hard to answer this specific question because I think relationships are worth fighting for...hmmmm...maybe it's not that hard. Okay, Cancel any wedding talk. Tell your man there is a big problem and ask him to help the two of you find the chemestry that may be hiding in the background. Try your best to get him to understand the problem in your relationship. If he can't get it through his head after a couple months; let him know it could end the relationship. Give it your best effort but if 6-9 months down the road it hasn't improved then maybe you should consider moving on. A relationship without chemestry and passion is a shame at your age.

[alice]

It is very possible you are just outgrowing him. There is a huge amount of personal development that happens in your twenties.

very true. the same thing happened to me. my boyfriend and i split up after 8 years because our situation was very similar to yours. he's more like a brother to me now.

[Mish]

I don’t want a loveless marriage no matter how great of a guy he is. I’ve also had a crush on another guy lately. I’m wondering if we’re just going through the motions by heading towards marriage or if it’s just because I haven’t really dated anyone else and now I’m just curious. Is it time to break it off or am I just nuts for thinking that our relationship is a sham? Please advise.
Thanks.

Hehe, interesting how closely the lack of sex is associated with the lack of love.

I tell you what, end the relationship. Find someone else. Chances are after 6 years with another person you will be in a similar kind of a situation, the only difference will be, you will hold on to your man. Why? Because you wouldn't want to re-experience all that for the third time.

Good Luck

[Rosebud]

It could be a number of things. As vashti said you could be outgrowing him, or you could just be unhappy all around because of the sex. If that is your main concern than there's tons of things you could do. Obvisouly this guy doesn't see that there is a problem, he's probably very happy with the way things are (not saying he doesn't want more sex).

You have to determine if you really do love him and if your willing to put some more effort into the relationship to make it work. If you are there's tons of things you can do. If not, then you need to get out of the relationship. The main reason your looking at someone else or having another crush is because your lacking soemthing out of the relastionship your in now. If you can fix it ( and will happy with fixing it and still want to be with him) then your still in good condition.

[clynn]

Hehe, interesting how closely the lack of sex is associated with the lack of love.

I tell you what, end the relationship. Find someone else. Chances are after 6 years with another person you will be in a similar kind of a situation, the only difference will be, you will hold on to your man. Why? Because you wouldn't want to re-experience all that for the third time.

Good Luck

I agree.

Some people stick with a good thing the first time.
Others need to figure it out the hard way.

Still others go from person to person hoping for lasting excitment.

At the end of the day, it is a choice.

[Bluevetteracer]

It is very possible you are just outgrowing him. There is a huge amount of personal development that happens in your twenties.

Very true. I think this contributes to divorce more then any other factor.

People should not marry until they are at least 25. I think at 25 your personality is getting rather set in its form.

16-19 - You know everything.
19-22 - You go to college and learn that you don't know anything.
22-25 - Get some real world experience and know that you must keep learning
and growing to be a better person.

Along these lines comes change, what you like, music, the way you speak, dress etc.

As for me, I need someone that is dynamic, motivated, well read, up on current events, etc. This was not what I wanted when I was 18.

[shh!]

People should not marry until they are at least 25. I think at 25 your personality is getting rather set in its form. .

I think 30 is even better, especially if one is male.

[clynn]

30, definititely 30.

That being said, some of the strongest relationships I know are those that started out young and got married in their early-mid twenties.

These people married their first loves. I know off the top of my head 4 couples (who I am close friends with or related to) and they are rock-solid. They figured all their #$@!@ out early.

And they figured it out TOGETHER.

Also, though, they probably had to make choices others of us didn't - such as being committed and responsible to one person (during those years when people like me were out whooping it up).

Course, one of those couples broke up about 27 times before they finally married. They've been married 10 years, and are very very solid.

[lovender]

Hehe, interesting how closely the lack of sex is associated with the lack of love.

I tell you what, end the relationship. Find someone else. Chances are after 6 years with another person you will be in a similar kind of a situation, the only difference will be, you will hold on to your man. Why? Because you wouldn't want to re-experience all that for the third time.

Good Luck

I do not associate the lack of sex with the lack of love. I love my boyfriend very much. What I am confused about is whether the love I feel for him is the type I would feel for a close friend rather than for a boyfriend. There is no passion in our relationship = no sex. I have tried to do things to spice things up and I have tried talking to him about it. It has not worked.

[Rosebud]

As I said before... There's lots of things you can do, and with him thinking things are fine could be because he is happy and doesn't see a problem at hand. You on the otherhand are looking elsewhere because your lacking some major things. What things have you done to spice it up? Have you told him, you want nookie more often,a nd then showed him how often by jumping on him or instigating it with clear signals? Repeatedly... not just once or twice.

I mean there's lots of things you can do here but it sounds mroe like you are at the point of giving up or soon to given up. He obviously doesn't understand the severity of this nor the impact it has on you and if you can't get your point across by talking then Your only other option is to leave!