he cheated

[americanblondii]

Hey everyone,

well my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years, we're both 18 and this is our first relationship. This summer I went to college 5 hours away, stayed for a week and decided to come home. Once I got home I saw a new sn on my boyfriends buddylist and he told me it belonged to a girl who lived next door, i knew somethig was up so I asked if he had cheated and he said no and refused to stop talking t her even though it made me uncomfortable. A few weeks later he told me he cheated (after i asked him and kind of cornered him with some information) on me with the aforementioned girl next door. It lasted for about 3 days. I neevr knew this girl existed, but apparently they had both been talking outside on the porch all summer at really late hours, and he didnt tell me about it. He says that hes sorry and that he was really confused because i was going away and we werent going to see eachother much at all. Hes remorseful but it still hurts. We had one break up in february during which we both dated other people (for about a week), however i also discovered that after he and i got back together he continued talking to and flirting with the "rebound girl" as i call it(not the same girl he cheated on me with), online. He claims he knows how wrong this all was and how horrible it made everything. He tries everyday to help me forget and does absolutely anything for me. I know hes trying, but oddly enough what bothers me now is that he lied and continued talking to the girl he cheated on me with online. My family and friends all say hes remorseful and to give him another chance, but i just dont know. Any advice?
sorry about the long post

[Musicman]

Hi Americanblondii, I've just found out that my GF was cheating on me. I'm a bit older than you (26). I could never get back with my ex because I couldn't trust her & not because of the cheating itself. She too, lied to my face about seeing someone until she couldn't cover it anymore.

You obviously have doubts about his honesty now. I think someone who's capable of looking you in the eye & lying about something like this can never truly be trusted. You say he's remorseful, what does your gut feeling say? If there's nagging doubts there maybe you should listen to them? Your only 18 & there's plenty of new people out there you can meet. Ones you CAN trust.

[alice]

… after he and i got back together he continued talking to and flirting with the "rebound girl" …

need i say more?

[misombra]

dump him.
________

[bluesummer]

I'm confused......did he sleep with her?

If he just kissed her, maybe it is something you could consider forgiving, that is if you really and truly believe he thinks he made a mistake, and that he's giving 110% to make it up to you. Ultimately, he needs to be able to regain your trust. If you don't think that's possible, or he's not willing to do whatever it takes to regain your trust, then get rid of him.

However, if he actually slept with her, kick him to the curb. With steel toed boots.

[misombra]

i think that if he hasn't, he will. i mean come on, she lives next door...

[bluesummer]

Yeah, that is pretty tempting.

........::imagines incredibly sexy man living next door::......

Uh, yup. That be trouble right there.

[misombra]

exactly. he's willing to talk to her, he's willing to kiss her, i guarantee he's willing to **** her.

[aripres]

I have been in a situtation VERY similiar to yours for 2 years now. I don't believe that my boyfriend ever actually cheated on me but he was talking to other girls both times that I was pregnant. One of them was his ex, another was a girl that he sort of dated (they had sex), another was a girl that he had been friends with for quite a while but she all of the sudden started telling him she wanted to be **** buddies and I would never have to know, and the other was some random girl that had dated one of his co-workers and called him to get advice about the guy she used to date casue she still liked him but then she started calling him like everyday 3-4 times a day. He tells me that he just thought of these girls as friends and it would have never gone anywhere but he still had no buisness talking to them simply because it made me uncomfortable. This went on for 2 years because he would tell me that he quit talking to them but then I would find out that he didn't. The only reason that I know they don't talk anymore is because I called each and everyone of these girls and politely explained to them that we have 2 kids together and we are a family and asked them to stop calling and told them that if they did call him even one more time I would oh so nicely whoop their ass. Needless to say that they have not called since and believe me that I have checked his cell phone and the bill to make sure.

I have been through a lot of pain with this and if it weren't for the kids I would not have put up with it at all. If he did not have the common courtsey for you to stop talking to the other girl when you asked and after you got back together that is a big clue. You are too young to let him treat you like that. I know that breaking up after 3 1/2 years is going to be extremely hard but I do think that is the best thing to do speaking from experience. He may also be acting like this because this is the only relationship that he has had. I think you two could at least use a break from each other and date other people. After you date other people for a while (like a year or so) if both of you still want to give it another chance then try it agian but keep your gaurd up.

Sorry for the long post this is just kinda of a sensitive subject for me.

[misombra]

that's messed up.

[RSK]

However, if he actually slept with her, kick him to the curb. With steel toed boots.

you can borrow these if you need them. (btw, they are NOT mine).

[vashti]

Whoa - you're family wants you to get back together? What, are you an unwanted step-child or something?

Those boots could do some serious damage. I think we should buy some to use on Tone when he starts whoring it up.

[alice]

you can borrow these if you need them. (btw, they are NOT mine).

i don't believe you. how could you lend them to anyone, if they're not yours?

[Illusional]

hahahhahaha.. well i don't mean to laugh, well actually i do. if he's cheated on you and still talking to the girl that he cheated on you with, are you seriously consider taking him back?

raverboy

[americanblondii]

hey everyone
thanx for all the advice!
I may have been a little unclear, he isnt talkin to the girl he cheated on me with anymore, he hasnt been since i found out, we went to the girls house and he told her that what had happened between them was a mistake and that he wants to work on being with me. When i said he continued talkin to her I was referring to a girl that he had dated once when we were broken up. Sorry for being unclear I was stressed and just rambling...thanx everyone!