Avoiding being "friends-only" LONG

[BankyTheHack]

OK some of you may have been following this, but here goes:

About a month ago I met this awesome girl at a party, she had a little to drink and we got pretty affectionate. She gave me her number and told me to call her the next day, but I didnt because I had a date. Then later I learned she was dating one of my schools exchange students, so I was a dirp and didnt call her. So things with the girl I had the date with went nowhere, and the Friday before last a friend that me and the girl share told me I should ask her on a date, and that she was losing interest in the exchange student dude. So I asked my friend if the girl had been talking about me or something, and she went and asked the girl what was up. Well she came back and said "she doesnt know about him, but shes also not sure about you either." But in the meantime I had seen her around town several times and she always waves at me.

Also I went to the store she works at on Saturday, and got in line at her register to pay for my stuff, she didnt acknowledge my presence at first, but theres no way she could NOT have seen me, and her face kept getting redder and redder and redder :p. Well another cashier says I can get you over here, so I say ok and start walking over, the girl looks up and waves at me and smiles. I get my stuff paid for, look over and shes already looking at me, smiles and waves again. I go to the doors where my sis is waiting for me with a big smirk on her face, she says the girl was watching me the whole time she was helping her customer. :p

So today I actually called her. She seemed to be expecting my call, and seemed pretty excited to hear from me. She tells me she was dissappointed that she didnt get to talk to me on Saturday, and told me that I should of told the other associate to buzz off so I could talk to her, jokingly. So I ask if she wants to hang out sometime and she says yes, and that now that she has my number she'll start calling me to say hi and whatnot.

So yeah I've got my foot in the door, but I worry I'll get stuck in the "Friends-Only Zone" Any advice on how to avoid that? MVPlaya I want your feedback too!

[Screwed_Guy]

I just have to say that the only way at this point that you would get stuck in the "friend zone" is if you let her just pass you by. So do something about it. She's practically yelling out "God I wish this guy would just ask me out!!" The fish is biting your hook, all you have to do is reel her in.

[BankyTheHack]

even though shes already with the other guy?

PS: Bowling for soup is the shit :p

[Ironliftr3]

I agree with what she said, you should have told the other cashier "no thanks, I'm good" so you could have spoken to your girl. Water under the bridge.

I concur with Screwed_guy. Normallly, I wouldn't bother with a chick who's otherwise involved. Even if it does work in your favor, it's usually not worth the hassle. But, in this case, it doesn't sound like she's too commited to this other guy, and she's demonstrating a HIGH interest in you. I'd go for it, and ask her out.

And to repeat what I just said in a post to Pandacivic, avoid EVER saying ‘something, sometime’ to a chick! It’s a HUGE mistake that all guys make at one time or another. Because I’m lazy, I’ll cut and past my reasons –

First, it offers her less of a chance to say 'maybe' or be flaky if you say "do you want to go get lunch on Saturday", it somewhat forces her to give you a straight answer. Second, it shows that you put some thought into what and when you want to see her. Also, it's a control thing, it put YOU in charge of the situation, something chicks dig, a guy who is willing to take charge.

[sfalexi]

Sigh. Now I have to cut and paste my response to your response . . . . Making me do all this damn work . . . . one second . . . . .

[sfalexi]

Cool...great start! And not to knock what you did, because it was a big step in the right direction, but FYI for future referance, it's MUCH better to offer something specific and time/day restraining than the 'something sometime' approach.

Yup. If you wanna be REALLY cool, say something as though you already know she'll say yes. "Hey, there's an awesome band playing at _____ on Friday. What time should I pick you up?" Smooth . . . like glass. The "something-sometime" approach I only use when it looks like a girl isn't that interested in me for some reason. I simply say, "Hey, if you ever wanna get together and chill, give me a call." Then I walk away. Then I continue my merry 'ol life and if she calls me in the future, I hang out, and if not, no biggie. It's more of an open-ended invitation so I don't completely close the door for them, but it gives me the freedom of not worrying about when to call next, because in my mind, they're history.

Alexi

[BankyTheHack]

lol thats funny I was always taught to do it like that, but you guys are right. The something, sometime line is outta here.

[BankyTheHack]

OK I called her yesturday, got no answer and left a message. Then today I called her again about 6:30, but she was working and her mom told me I could call when she gets home about 9:00. So I called then but got no answer and didnt leave a message. Then a little while later she called me. We talked on the phone for a while and she just came out and said that she broke up with the exchange student today! She also mentioned she didnt pickup yesturday because they were arguing when I called and that he got kinda upset when he heard my message :p. So combine her willingness to volunteer such information unprovoked and the signals ive been getting, I'd say things are looking very promising. But I have a question: Should I wait to ask her out? I mean they JUST broke up but she told me she didnt really like him that much, and that he was moving away in 2 months anyway. So should I wait or not?

[Ironliftr3]

How long were they dating? Or more importantly, how serious were they? If it was just a 'casual' dating thing, you don't need to wait as long as if there was some kind of serious love thing going on.

[BankyTheHack]

Oh sorry I thought I had posted it. She said she didnt really like him that much, and that they broke up because she didnt want to have sex with someone who was going to move away in 2 months anway. Im not sure how long they were together.

[Ironliftr3]

Sounds like they weren't very serious. No sex involved? I'd say that since you've had your foot in the proverbial door, wait a week to ask (give her at least one weekend of alone time) and ask for a date about six days in advance, giving her about two weeks before your date.

[BankyTheHack]

Nope shes a virgin and I'm so glad, because finding a girl whos hasnt been around the block a few times is hard to find in this town. Ok your plan sounds good, I'll do that, but I have a new question: See when we were done talking on the phone on Thursday, she said goodbye, and then she said that she'll call me later (I dont think she meant that night though, because we got off of the phone about 10 o'clock and she didnt call back anyway) So should I wait until she calls me? I was thinking of giving her until Sunday to call me before I called her. Any thoughts?

[Ironliftr3]

I wouldn't worry at all about the 'call you later' statement. Sounds like it was just a figure of speach. None the less, giving her some space, and waiting a couple days before calling her, probably wouldn't be a bad idea. She knows your interested.