Paranoid Girlfriend needs some advice

[orcabel]

My guy is very angry with me for not trusting him.
I peeped at his hp messages and checked his bank statement.
I saw that a particular girl has been messaging him.
A particular message bewildered me.
"Do you want us to remain as we are?"
When I confronted him, he said that this girl has been messaging him.
But he is too busy to reply. That's why the girl asked whether are they still friends. When I checked the bank statement later, I saw that he visited several restaurants. When I asked him if he went to these restaurants with the same girl, he said that they meet up for meals as friends.
He insisted that they are just friends.
He is just having a meal with a friend of the opposite sex.

All these years, we have trusted each other.
Until these two years, when he started his business, he becomes less intimate with me. We seldom kiss or hug. We met up lesser. That's why I am suspicious of him. He claimed that his hectic work schedule caused him to have a decline in his libido.

What should I do?
I'm going to be dumped soon.
Any ways to salvage the situation because I do not want the 7-yr relationship to go down the drain?

[vashti]

Your suspicion sounds warranted, but you can't stop him from dumping you, and you have no real proof that he is doing wrong. I suggest you hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And be sure to make him wear a condom when you have sex.

[Hugo Pickle]

Relationships can be salvaged in my opinion. Why? Because at 32 years old (cough, wheeze) I have had many encounters where I broke up with someone and then later dated again.

Here is what you have to do.

WORK OUT......

Of all the things that I’ve done over the years to better myself nothing has done more for me than whenever I make myself workout for a long period of time. Here is a short list of benefits.

You look better
you feel sexier
your more confident
your less paranoid
your more outgoing
your friendlier

I can go on and on. If you really want to save a relationship then bust your ass to work out and eat less. Surprisingly, change can happen quickly, not overnight, but quickly. I would say yes your other is seeing other people, yes this is usually very bad. But there is good in it also. It is a bitter pill of good, but it is still good just that it is good in a hard way to accept. Here is the good part. Whenever your sig-other starts seeing other people without telling you it is because they usually don’t have faith in you that you will be able to change for the better. But that is good because you do have the ability to change. You just don’t fully apply it like you mean it. They say money is the primary reason for divorce. But I don’t believe this. I say letting yourself go is the primary reason for divorce. If letting yourself go is why he is looking for greener pastures then it is largely up to you to better yourself if you want to keep your guy.

If you are not overweight or have not let yourself go then I would like more info on why you think he is leaving you.
.

[vashti]

Hugo - You are very wrong about the reasons behind divorce. Women are the ones most often who initiate divorce, and I have never heard of a woman getting divorced because she didn't like the way her man looked (but I have heard many times about how they were divorcing because he was irresponsible with money).

Also, your assumption that she has "let herself go" is just plain silly. Men cheat on beautiful women every day because they lack impulse control.

Have you never been married? What is the average length of your relationships? If you don't mind me saying, your way of thinking is pretty simplistic, which makes me think perhaps you are somewhat inexperienced with long-term arrangements.

[Hugo Pickle]

Your right vashti woman are the ones who initiate divorce, and when they do they say money was the reason why. But we aren’t talking about a woman leaving a man are we? We are talking about a man leaving a woman. Are you trying to tell me that men leave women for money reasons? LOL that’s a good one. People cheat on each other all the time that’s true, but don’t try to tell me that physical attraction is not the reason why people cheat.

And yes, I have heard many times why women get divorced. You know why? Because, sadly, I meet many married women who are not happy that their husband has become a fat, lazy, slob.

vashti I think I struck a cord with you about things and so you went off on me about your own hang ups not the post that I made. Otherwise why did you say, “men cheat on beautiful women everyday because they have no impulse control.” Yeah, and beautiful women cheat on men every day also. Are you going to try and tell me they cheat on men because they have no control? Whatever vashti, when I see a guy cheat on a girl of 7 years, its not because of money, its because she got fat and lazy. Just like when I meet a woman who is cheating on her husband it is because he got fat and lazy.

[whaywardj]

Why not ask him to have this friend of his over for dinner sometime?

If nothing untoward is going on between them, there shouldn't be a problem with that. If that IS a problem, since he already knows you're suspicious, I'd ask him what his plans with me were and to choose one or the other: either end contact with her altogether; go be with her and let me move on to be with someone I can trust; or bring her into your lives as the friend he avers she is.

The REAL clue is that he keeps his association with her separate and apart from his relationship with you. If she is just a friend, there's absolutely no justifiable reason for doing that. If she's more than a friend, there's every reason for doing it.

PS: If worse comes to worst, try not to think of it as "getting dumped." Think of it as he doesn't have what it takes. And one other thing: You might save yourself some screen estate and have fewer posts to wade through if you were to put Hugo Pickle on your ignore list.

[vashti]

vashti I think I struck a cord with you about things and so you went off on me about your own hang ups not the post that I made. Otherwise why did you say, “men cheat on beautiful women everyday because they have no impulse control.” Yeah, and beautiful women cheat on men every day also. Are you going to try and tell me they cheat on men because they have no control? Whatever vashti, when I see a guy cheat on a girl of 7 years, its not because of money, its because she got fat and lazy. Just like when I meet a woman who is cheating on her husband it is because he got fat and lazy.

You call what I wrote "going off on you"??

If you read again, I didn't say that women do not suffer from lack of impulse control (some do, not to mention they are "addicted" to the emotion surrounding a new man). Frankly, cheating is usually a matter of immaturity or opportunism.

However, if you were my boyfriend, I would be tempted to cheat on you, not because you are fat and lazy, but because I like smart men.

[Hugo Pickle]

Actually I’ve been called a genius many times before. In the military they often said to me things like:

Hey genius, you gona do that medical list today or what?
You must be a smart guy to go out with other people’s girlfriends.

Or the ever so popular

Holy shit! You must be a darn-gon Genius the way you always make me yell at you all the time.

[funsounds]

with almost all of the people i have ever known that have cheated on their s/o, it was not because either party "let themselves go"...they both looked the same as they ever have. most of the time...it's because of some emotional reason, some emotional disconnect...and they find someone they can connect and communicate with and voila, instant sex partner.

one guy i know right now that cheats on his fiance ALL THE TIME is very blunt about his cheating. the fiance is smoking hot...she's a real sweetheart...just a great gal. so why does he cheat? simple...she doesn't put out enough. he gets sex from his fiance 1-2 times a week. so he cheats with girls 3-4 times a week...whoever he can get...some of them don't even look that good, he doesn't care just as long as they look good enough for a one-night stand or a short fling...

[misombra]

so he's a whore?.

[Sumatra]

I don't have time to write a long explainitory answer here, so i'll be frank.
(From what you posted)

It sounds fishy. He most likely is cheating, or at least on the path to cheating. Communication is ultimately the way to salvage a relationship, because change and understanding comes with communication. But if he is already wandering, how about you discharge his ass first. Sounds like you could do a lot better, and be treated A LOT BETTER. Which is the most important thing ABOVE trying to cater to him without him returning your efforts.

[Sumatra]

one guy i know right now that cheats on his fiance ALL THE TIME is very blunt about his cheating. the fiance is smoking hot...she's a real sweetheart...just a great gal. so why does he cheat? simple...she doesn't put out enough. he gets sex from his fiance 1-2 times a week. so he cheats with girls 3-4 times a week...whoever he can get...some of them don't even look that good, he doesn't care just as long as they look good enough for a one-night stand or a short fling...

That is disgusting. Lord help me if i ever came face to face with such a man.

[misombra]

i say dump him. there is no turning back now. you will probably not be able to trust him again. perhaps if he had said to you, "let's do something to improve our relationship" instead of going out with "female friends" he would be more trustworthy. telling him to stop seeing her will have one of three effects. 1)he will continue to see her and keep it MORE secret. 2)stop seeing her and start seeing someone else. 3) stop seeing her completely and work it out with you. #3 being the most noble. talk to him about it. how could he expect you to trust him after this? the thing about cheaters is that they always try to put it back on the cheated on. "it hurts me so much that you don't trust me i can't believe it..." and so you think you're crazy. it's him. it's not you. he is crazy if he thinks it's okay to have a female friend behind your back who text messages such things. asking him if he wants it to remain where it is means that it's been somewhere else, you know?

[funsounds]

so he's a whore?.

oh yeah...he's a total whore...

[Late_vamp]

oh yeah...he's a total whore...

man-whore ppl , use the proper term .... that or Gigolo . geeeezz