Getting back together after being apart.

[lostlove]

I'm just curious. Has anyone ever heard of a couple who had been in a long-term relationship, breaking up for more than 4 or 5 months, both seeing other people during that time apart, and then getting back together and actually making it work long-term again? I've heard one friend say this is pretty common, but personally, I'm not so sure. If anyone knows and real examples of such an occurrence, I would be interested to hear! Cheers!

[updraft]

Yep. Its called reconciliation. Works for some and not for others.

[Junsui]

I don't know if it's pretty common, but it does happen.

[whaywardj]

Yep. One woman's entire five-year relationship with me was little more than an affair of reconciliation. First she was in. Then she was out. Then she wanted to be friends. Then she wanted in again. Then out again and all around all over again.

After the third year of it, I quit investing any emotional currency in her and just let things coast. The last year of it, I asked her repeatedly to not contact me anymore. Three weeks or a month would go by, then -- bing! -- out of nowhere, a call and I'd let her persuade me into getting together "for coffee." And off we' go again. For a little while. One time toward the final end, having "make-up" sex one night and her disavowing having had any personal involvement in it by saying the next day, "Last night was what it was." She said it (she said) because she didn't want to lead me on. I couldn't help but laugh.

The last "together" segment, during which we happily chatted on the phone with each other several times a day, we went shopping one afternoon and had what I thought was a very nice day together. Then I didn't hear from her for a couple of weeks. Dropped her an email asking what's up. She replied: "I knew you'd get the last word in."

Evidentally, all that time, she'd been having an argument with me all by herself. I washed my hands of her after that. Should have done so much sooner, of course, but, gentleman that I am, I wanted to give her every possible benefit of doubt.

Read some of my journal entries about it if you want: [url]http://shesnotthere.cx.la[/url]. Caution: Scattered thoughts therein might lead to head swimming.

[Lloyd95]

It worked for Ross and Rachel.

[Junsui]

Awwww Ross and Rachel Yes it did!

[Tone]

Hey I never did see the last couple seasons of Friends... did they end up gettin back together?!

[Junsui]

They did on the final episode.

[Tone]

Awwwww.....

[Lloyd95]

He was too whiny...ha, a whiny Jew, who would've thunk it?

Kidding Shh!

[vashti]

Who is shh! ? She is gone for good. Go ahead and whine.

[Lloyd95]

Go ahead and whine.

Loser.
_____________

[clynn]

I've known of this happening with many couples. Particularly couples that met young and weren't ready to settle down when they first connected up. They would break up, date others, go through periods of growth on their own and come back together.

I believe it is very, very possible. Of course, it is more likely to happen if both parties are interested in going forward in a new phase of their relationship.

One woman I know had a break up with her husband of several years. They got back together after a year apart, and she calls it "Time off for good behavior". She said that when they reconciled that their relationship became something "new". It wasn't a continuation of the past relationship, but a new being. She said that was the way it would work.

I think it is possible as long as both parties are willing to "go forward". Recognize that there were differences in the relationship, that there were reasons you broke up, that there has been some changes made....and that you want to grow together.

What is your situation?

[lostlove]

clynn,
I think the situation you described is very much like mine. Two years ago I met a girl when I was in my sophomore year of college and she was still a senior in high school. So I had my reservations, obviously, but I gave it a shot and it was great for 2 years, really a wonderful relationship; the only person I'd ever loved. The problem was, while I had dated other people before her, she had very few if any significant relationships before me, and was generally in a sheltered household growing up. So, there was always a tension between us, because I was much more experienced, not necessarily in relationships, but in life. So when we split last month, the main issue was really tied to her and my inexperience. I was inexperienced in how to handle a serious relationship for that long, and she was inexperienced in relationships in general and a lot of things in the world too. I'm am getting ready to start grad school and she was just really worrying about how to get through college. So over the course of our relationship, maybe about the 1 year mark, the question of "Is this it?" was lingering. No matter how good the relationship was she could never really commit to something that long term without having dated other people, and experiencing other relationships.
So while I realize now that, yes, the thing that is more direly needed is time, I can't deny who she is behind some of her inexperience. She is truly a wonderful person, and I would love to maybe give it another shot at some time in the future when we have both grown and are ready for that. But something in my sometimes, over rational mind, was saying that was a little unrealistic. That is why I asked the question here. I would like to believe that at some point in the distant future there might be a reconciliation, but I'm not going to live my life in the meantime under the impression that there will be. I was just thinking about the scenario where it might be again, and if I would really want that. Thanks for your story!

[Rosebud]

To be honest though if she broke it off because of her inexperience in general with relationships..that's a pretty lame excuse. My first relationship was when I was 16 and it lasted a year..but If I was truly happy with him I would have stayed with him. You don't just say ok I don't have any experience with relationships so i'm going to test some more out and see what happens..