Why does this always happen to me

[Junsui]

I agree, RB. I wouldn't see any of that as being a problem. What I would see being a problem is her never being single, but you can't worry about everything. Go on with the relationship and forget about it.

[Rosebud]

Well even that though... I can't see as being a major problem. Aside from it not giving her time to sort through who she is which would explain why she did what she did. At least she's figuring it out though.

[misombra]

I learned the hard way.

It's like what I once heard misombra say - "Learn from other people's mistakes because life is too short to make them all yourself."

uh, although i've said some pretty amazing things in my time, that quote didn't come from me. i think it came from indigo.

[whaywardj]

Okay. Let me do a little reality check before I spend too awful a lot of my time thinking about this fellow's dilemma...

Length of relationship in question: 3 months. Average life span of contemporary male: 76 years.

Three months. Seventy-six years.

Small potatoes.

NEXT!

[misombra]

NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXt!!!!!!!

[Junsui]

Well even that though... I can't see as being a major problem. Aside from it not giving her time to sort through who she is which would explain why she did what she did. At least she's figuring it out though.

I didn't say it was major, but it is not healthy to jump from relationship to relationship.

[MastaPDiddy]

As I was reading more posts about bringing all this stuff back up to her and questioning her reasoning I couldn't disagree more and Tone broke it down better than I ever could.

Mish how do you know her mind changes so frequently? You don't know her personally and for her to take some time away to figure out her feelings is not a bad thing and I don't know why people always assume the second soemone steps back to figure things out about themself.

This has nothing to dow ith trust. She was upfront about everything she had said and then worked her OWN problem out and even asked him to help her through it. To me that sounds like a pretty damn good sign. No matter what happened with her ex no matter what she had said...they are back togehter and they are working through all this. Be happy for them and stop making him think of other things that COULD POSSIBLY go wrong in t e future..if it happens they can then deal with it then.

Her mind doesn't change that frequently. I agree with you that its actually a good sing that she came to me and told me she was having these feelings. She still doesn't call me as much as she used to, but she does call me at night and i do let her talk and talk. It seems to me she really is going through a lot in her life. This is the first christmas in which she'll have to pick between spending time with her mother or with her father (they recently got divorced). Also this is the first christmas without her ex boyfriend of 2 or 3 years. She says that since its her first with me, it cancels out. Shes got a few other things going on but I know shes working through them.

However, she did tell me something the other day. On eof the things shes been thinking about was the distant future. she says that if we had kids then she wants them baptised and to be raised catholic. We have always been in disagreement about this because i dont want my kids to be catholic. In any case i told her that we need to go from step 1 to 2 and from 2 to 3..not quit at step 3 because of step 560. She said she never considered quitting, and I believe her. Something tells me she really isn't going anywhere.

But another part of me is scared of trusting her too much because it will hurt that much more if it doesnt work out.

But in the end all i can do is trust her with all my heart, and love her with all of it. for now we are together but things are not as lovey dovey as they used to be one week ago. But thats to be expected if shes figuring things out. We'll see what happens.

[Junsui]

What religion are you? I'm sorry if you've said it before, I can't remember.

[Mish]

Mish how do you know her mind changes so frequently? You don't know her personally and for her to take some time away to figure out her feelings is not a bad thing and I don't know why people always assume the second soemone steps back to figure things out about themself.

This has nothing to dow ith trust. She was upfront about everything she had said and then worked her OWN problem out and even asked him to help her through it. To me that sounds like a pretty damn good sign.

Rosie, it doesn't look like a good sign at all to me. She shouldn't be in a relationship if she is this confused about things, that she has to take times out after she talks to her ex to THINK about IT. Just because she is upfront doesn't mean this isn't going to continue happening and I tell you there is no better way at ruining a relationship than by having scenes like this.

And it doesn't look to me like she has figured her own problem out, what it looks like she wieghted the two people one against the other and picked one out of the two. The possibillities for this reoccuring in the future are limitless (...And I'm speaking from experience). I'm just saying this as a warning, that he should have a sit down with her and make everything very clear before he continues with the relationship...

Edit. How can you say this has nothing to do with trust when she became all confused ONLY at the time of speaking to her ex. Just because she didn't go onto the next step (Of cheating or breaking up with the guy) doesn't mean that the trust has not been damaged... The main point ofcourse here is forgiveness, but I think the guy has the right to know that these issues will not be reoccuring and she will be more considerate to his feelings in the future...

[Tone]

Yeah but I'm givin her the benefit of the doubt... she was in a 3 year relationship with this guy... they split up. Fast forward to today... her parents just divorced... Hurricane Katrina rocked her hometown which leads to... her being seperated from her boyfriend.... then in the midst of school, and the above - here comes her ex-b/f into the mix wanting to get back together. Can't tell me that if you were in her situation you wouldn't flinch for a min?

She was completely honest with MastaPDiddy and talked it through with him and made her decision. It should be done and over with. Now - had she NOT been honest with her boyfriend and kept it to herself... then came out and said somethin weeks later about it - then sure you got things you need to discuss and work out. Otherwise - I say leave it alone.

[Mish]

Sigh

Just shows once again how spoiled-brat-like our generation really is...

Any little twist from the regular daily routine or wind from the past and people are not longer sure in themselves and their abillities, become all confused and don't know what to do like little kids, not to mention dragging their partners with them. Whatever happened to one love? Confidence in personal feelings and abillties against all externalities? Confidence in yourself that you have made the right choice and that you are sticking by it?

However, my approach would still be to talk to her. And straight up and ask her if you should be expecting this kind of incosideration in the future... (Instead of waiting for that future to happen with the mere thought always gnawing at your mind). Give yourself a relief of hearing it from the horse's mouth. I.e. Either she will never do this again, so you have a piece of mind that at least she promised you and gave you that or she is still confused in which case you should start thinking...

[whaywardj]

HOw old are you again Mishanya?

[Junsui]

25, I think?

[Mish]

Yup, 25

Va(Shh!)ti and Independent were the closest to guessing my age

Why, how old do I sound to you whaywardj?

[whaywardj]

Not older. Considerably wiser.