New to board seeking help

**mustangsoongt** · 02-03-04, 05:40 AM

my girlfriend and i have been going out for almost 2 years. it pisses me off when she dances with guys. she once agreed that it was wrong for her to rub her ass all over some guys lap while dancing. now she saying that i shouldnt care because i know she is going to come home to me by the end of the night and that its a test of our trust. then to top it off she was saying how she wanted to do the whole swinging thing or have a threesome wiht another guy. some times she can be so conservative and act proper but she has this wild side to her that makes me look at her sometimes and say to myself ohh you ****ing whore. i cant afford a shrink. some one please help me. i feel like this is tearing my life apart. i dont know what to do and came close to suicide a couple of times. i would never do it over a girl. but i cant let her go and i want to be wiht her. i dont knwo if its just shes not sexually pleased or what. she says she is she just wants to experience different "flavor". im open to any ideas.

**mostly blushing** · 02-03-04, 06:50 AM

Sometimes two people can have very different views on sexuality. You need to understand that although you may find threesomes/swinging 'wild or unproper', that many people enjoy this activity.

Perhaps you need to evaluate if the two of you are truly compatible. Although she may say that she won't mention it again, or that she won't dance provoctively with other guys, she will always have it in the back of her mind. This would be unfair on both of you.

I'd suggest having a good think about how much you really want to be with her, discuss it with her. If she says that's who she is, then maybe you should be thinking about moving on and finding someone who shares your more conservative views on sexuality.

**IceQueen** · 02-03-04, 11:34 AM

IMHO she is simply a wrong person for you. You can't and shouldn't try to change your partner, therefore I think it would be safer for your mental health if you broke up with her and found someone more to your liking.

**mostly blushing** · 02-03-04, 01:47 PM

Ice Queen is right, just very blunt about it. No offence to Ice Queen.

I think you need to come to terms with this incompatibility between the two of you.

**sfalexi** · 02-03-04, 02:10 PM

She's obviously not the right girl for you. If you aren't interested in this "wild side", you need to find a girl that doesn't have it. Believe it or not, there ARE girls out there that aren't into swinging and threesomes. Find one of them. And there are also girls out there that will respect that once they're with a guy, they stop dirty dancing with other guys. This is what you need to look for. Not your current girl.

As for your current girl, after you break up with her, give me her number. please!

Alexi

PS - I'm sorry. Was that wrong to ask for? Too soon?

**mustangsoongt** · 02-03-04, 02:22 PM

thanks for the advice and as for the last one if you said that in person id bitch slap you. im a leo and shes a virgo. opposites. it hurts so much wiht out her. but since che told me this i feel like crap. does anyone have any ideas to try and work this out. thanks for the advice

**sfalexi** · 02-03-04, 02:41 PM

Nah. I was joking. I mean, I wouldn't mind a girl that wanted to swing or try threesomes, but I'd be hella upset if she would dirty dance with guys and I knew about it. If it happened, so be it. but I don't want to know. "Ignorance is bliss".

Just reread your post, if it's bumming you out to almost suicide level, I'd say it's FAR beyond the time you should have left her.

**mustangsoongt** · 06-03-04, 02:56 AM

Yesterday we got into a huge fight and almost broke up. I asked her not to dance wiht guys and she said that we should have an open relationship that the only rule is not to cheat on each other and as long as we do that it shouldnt matter. so i told her its not dancing wiht guys that i had a problem wiht its her rubbing her ass all over them and that if she kept some space iwouldnt have a problem. than she told me she was wearing this slutty shirt that 6 months ago she said shed only wear it if i was around. she said if i didnt let her dance anyway she wanted to that she would leave me. so i told he that i didnt want her to dance like that but i would do anything to make this relationship work. i had my friend follow her and she was wearing a turtle neck. then he said she didnt dance wiht anyone. she called me after an hour of being at the club and said she felt bad and wasent going to dance wiht any guys. prob because i sounded depressed because i took two percosets. she has two sets of friends. one set all have boyfriends. the other set are trashy girls who hoe around. i dont want to tell her not to hang out wiht them but i feel they influence her because she really only brings this shit up after hanging out wiht them. what should i do.

**IceQueen** · 06-03-04, 03:08 AM

i would do anything to make this relationship work

This is wrong. There should be a boundary. How MUCH are you REALLY willing to tolerate?

**mustangsoongt** · 06-03-04, 03:18 AM

i know thats wrong. tell you the truth i never pictured myself being such a bitch. i moved to AZ from NY in Aug i flew back almost once a month. I figured shes pretty much just getting all the cons from a relationship and non of the pros. i move back to NY march 19th. I have good work in AZ and am very comfortable but im willing to make it happen IN ny. She has also paid for 3 of my plane tickets to fly back to ny. shes a student and every time she pisses me off or i get jealous i just remember she makes about 150 a week and she paid 300 each ticket for me to fly back for a week or weekend just to see me. how do i go abvout laying down the law wiht out her feeling like im controlling? thanks for your help

**IceQueen** · 06-03-04, 03:42 AM

You lay down the law just the same way, but you start it with "I really appreciate that you have spent $300 on tickets for me, and I don't want to seem controlling and untrusting. The truth is, I trust you, but I don't trust the guys you are around."

**mustangsoongt** · 06-03-04, 03:44 AM

tried that one. she said im not going to be able to stop every guy from hitting on her

**IceQueen** · 06-03-04, 03:49 AM

That's true. I'd be like, "Well, not when you're rubbing your butt all over his crotch, anyway."

**mustangsoongt** · 06-03-04, 03:55 AM

thats when she usally starts yelling and i start yelling and then one of us hangs up. any other ideas?

**IceQueen** · 06-03-04, 04:06 AM

I don't know. I simply wouldn't stay with her. You gotta be able to *trust* your partner, and I don't feel like you trust her with other men.

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