She wants a break

**stoph8ting87** · 27-11-05, 05:14 AM

Ok soooo bare with me this will probably be a long post, but please read it all and give me the best feedback you can.

So yahhh, my name is Ryan im 18 years old and im currently on a break with my girlfriend Bianca who is 17.

This all started about a week ago today. She had brought it up a few times saying that we need a break, and that she needs her space, and i smother her.... *(we have been dating for almost 5 months)*

Her reasons for this are
1. her grades are poor in school
2. she feels im too controlling, and that i trap her by not letting her go out and chill with her "friends"

My arguments:
1. If you love me, and want to be with me, youd be with me now and always want to be with me.
2. I help you with your school work. (ive done projects for her, and sat and done hw with her when we hang out.

The terms:
They are kinda undefined. the reason being ive gotten a few different approaches from her on this.
1. we call eachother twice a day, (she always callz me)
once when she is outa school, once before she goes to sleep.
I set this because the first day after our break she called me like 20 times, and its hurtful to here her voice so often when this is going on between us.
2. we can hang out with whoever we want, and we are not responsible to tell the other person who we are hanging out with and what we are doing.
3. This break is suppose to be short and help our relationship out so that when we are back together we will be stronger.

Those terms are kinda loose and not really followed though.
reason 1 being she defineatly calls me more than once a day. We have hung out twice during our break and hooked up both times. and even ate thanksgiving dinner at my parents house.
We still tell eachother how much we love eachother.
you'd almost think its not a break at all.

Ive come to the conclusion through all of this that i really think she doesn't know what she wants.

I had a friend point out the situation to me like this.

1. she is still in highschool, she is young, she wants to live her life in the present, partying, hanging out with other guys, doing whatever...
2. she knows she loves me and she wants me to wait for her, because she knows im what she wants in the future, (stability)
3. what she doesn't understand is that my life doesn't go on pause and its not fair for her to do this to me.

She has stated a few times and we have gone back and forth on this, that we can do whatever we want on this break. (hook up with whoever else w/e...) I don't really like the idea of that. So i said look, i will do this break if A. you promise to be loyal to me. B. you get done what you need to do. C. it will be a relatively short process.
She originally said that it was too much to ask. Primarily the being loyal to me.
But since then she to the best of my knowledge has followed that and stated that she doesn't want to get with anyone else because she loves me.

Throughout this break like most im assumeing from what ive read, we have had many fights and arguements resulting in us (breaking up for good). To be shortly apoligizing to eachother 20 min after that fight and going back on our break terms.

I love this girl to death, and it really says a lot for me to put up with this, because i have never and would never put up with this from any other girl.

A few questions i have that maybe i can get some feedback, positive or negative on, from preferably members from both sexes.

1. do you think she is cheating on me.
2. is this typical of a junior girl in highschool
3. is it worth my time

To further explain our situation (which i know is hard because you can't put 5 months of a relationship on one post in a forum)

I mentioned above i am 18. However; i am different from most 18 year olds. Ive already graduated highschool, and i have 2 years of college completed. I work a full time job and make a good living. ( i have 2 apartments, and a new car) I know we are kind of at different places in our life and what life expects from us. But i don't necessarily see a problem with this because we are only a year apart, and we love eachother that is all that matters right?

Also some other problems in our relationship
1. we have never had sex. and no she is not a virgin. (I can see some of the people reading this going, good god wtf leave her)
If i ever bring it up she usally gets mad at me for it. yes we hook up make out, been to every other base on the field except full intercourse.

2. She tends to take out alot of her stress on me. Im the reason she is soo stressed out all the time.
For Example: she gets in trouble and is always stressed out apparently everytime she chills with me, for everyone else its not like that. (that last sentence right there is her insight and i would have to agree with it)

3. Before her i dated this girl brittany. Brittany and i got along great, but she got kicked outa school and got sent to live with her mom in florida, we still talk and it drives bianca crazy. She threatens to break up with me just for her name being mentioned.

And to clarify from above her chilling with her (friends) and me not approving of it.

She states that she does not get along with other girls, so therefore all her friends are guys. most of you guys out there that have had a girlfriend, know what its like to say ok baby, go ahead and go see a movie and have lunch with your ex. **@#$#@ yahhh right, no guy just lets his girl go out and do that. however this has become a common accurance. She is constantly arranging what i like to call dates with other ex-boyfriends and guy-friends from school. to go out to eat and go to a movie, or go to their house or whatever. And it bothers the hell out of me. So yes i put my foot down and say nooo. And yes ive asked if i can tag along too. but she says no that will be weird. So yes lately even before the break ive been allowing it to keep the peace and it trust to hope she is not cheating on me.

Anywayz there is soo much more to type and i know this is a big post to read int he first place.

so i leave you with this

A. I finish out the break with her which is suppose to end monday, and go from there.
B. I say **** it its not worth the drama i can do better and find better, and deal with the emotional pain of leaving her.
C. I flip it on her and say actually lets take a break for another week and scare the hell outa her so she treats me better.
D. End the relationship and try to stay friends with benifits (which im not sure at this point i could deal with)

I really look forward to hearing other peoples thoughts and feedback on my situation. If you have any other questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Thankz, Ryan

**Junket** · 27-11-05, 06:34 AM

You sound like a little pouting child that can't get his way.

Is it so wrong she wants to focus on bettering herself in school rather than giving all her attention to your sorry ass?

And get over the whole "I may only be 18 but I'm different" bull$hit. 'Cause if you ask me, the only thing that make you different is that you're actin' like a 12 year old.

If you can't deal with the conditions of this "break" then damn it grow some balls and break it off.

**stoph8ting87** · 27-11-05, 06:57 AM

naw man, you got it wrong, maybe i came off that way. The thing is she hasn't bettered herself in school at all. If anything she is just out chilling with every other dude out there. Im more than ready to break it off. but im seeking the advice from others and getting as much feedback as i can before i make any major decisions.

Im not a pouting 12 yr old. I came here to seek advice. But if thats the way you look at it. Thats the way you look at it. And what i said being different than most 18 year olds. I meant that most are living with their parents, in college, or still in highschool. Im neither of those. So i was just pointing out that we are in different stages of life.

**whaywardj** · 27-11-05, 07:04 AM

If you're not happy with her behavior and she doesn't care to change it, it's time to go on about your business. If you meet someone you click with better, so be it. If you don't, so be that.

**Penny_Wise** · 27-11-05, 09:56 PM

WHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Why dont you give her, her space. I think that if you have your head up her ass 24/7 things can get pretty boooring. Oh and another thing, why the hell does she get to see her ex and she will get so mad when you even mention yours. Oh and another thing dont talk to her so much because it will get to the point that calling each other will be a hassle. You don't wanna start having phone calls where your eyes begin to glaze over after " Hows it goin"..... Also you should get a cat.

**stoph8ting87** · 28-11-05, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by Penny_Wise

WHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Why dont you give her, her space. I think that if you have your head up her ass 24/7 things can get pretty boooring. Oh and another thing, why the hell does she get to see her ex and she will get so mad when you even mention yours. Oh and another thing dont talk to her so much because it will get to the point that calling each other will be a hassle. You don't wanna start having phone calls where your eyes begin to glaze over after " Hows it goin"..... Also you should get a cat.

hahha, thanx, i hate cats though, and yes im giving her her space and things seem to be working out. But im not totally sure. Its not like she didn't have space to begin with, i only saw her like 2-3 times a week. And 95% of the time she calls me. I guess my original post made me seem to "clingy" or some shit when in reality i think what she is trying to do is scare me into me thinking she is gonna leave me. So she wants me kissing her feet. And i did for a day or two. but now im just w/e about it. and she is slowly coming back, she tells me all the time crying she is soo scared she will lose me.

**Junket** · 28-11-05, 06:34 AM

When you have this much trouble in a relationship you might as well break it off.

**stoph8ting87** · 28-11-05, 06:44 AM

Originally Posted by Frasbee

When you have this much trouble in a relationship you might as well break it off.

It's defineatly an option i have set before me now and im willing to take. But its kinda of an odd feeling she is giving me.

It's like she is spitting in my face but telling me she loves me.

So my heart is surviving off of she tell me she loves me all the time

But my brain is going screw it, you can get better, and deserve better.

Its like a civil war inside my body...

I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling

**Junket** · 28-11-05, 06:52 AM