How to stop giving off nice guy signals?

[Xanithe]

Hey guys, I'm new to the forums, I've been browsing it for tips and what not but I decided to register.
What I need help with is to minimize my amount of "friend zone" potential because whenever I become a friends with a chick I like I always get my ass handed off to the friend zone. The problem is pretty much that I talk with these girls on AIM and some crap like relationship problems with their other friends come up and I don't really know what to say and I usually end up comforting them.

What should I do in that situation, and is there any way to act flirty or what not on AIM? (Yeah yeah, you guys would probably tell me to stop using AIM and just go talk to them)

[updraft]

Exactly. Stop posing as a girl's best buddy and try posing as bf material. If a girl on a chat site wants your advice tell her to come here. Your focus should be on finding a potential gf not becoming the next Dear Abby.

[whaywardj]

On the other hand, trying too hard to be what you really aren't can cause you to come across as a phoney. What makes you believe none among those you comfort aren't wanting you to also send a romantic overture across the wires? Just because you think you've got stuck in the friend role doesn't necessarily mean they think of you that way exclusively.

[Xanithe]

I've tried it and it doesn't work. I sent signals and then asked a girl out. The date didn't turn out very well and we haven't talked to each other for a while now.

[Rosebud]

Ok so I may get flamed for this but oh well... There's a thread called "diggity's guide to dating" or something along those lines. You may find that beneficial to you, I'd check it out.

Ok so I found it...but I'm only talking about the guide itself...Not the posts afterwards!!!


[url]http://www.loveforum.net/t10369-diggitys-guide-to-successful-dating-for-men.html[/url]

[bluesummer]

Being a nice guy is not a bad thing......being the shoulder to cry on IS. Most of the time, that will land you smack dab inthe middle of the 'friend zone'. Not always, mind you.

Maybe stop talking to girls about their problems and try to find girls that don't have this kind of baggage. If they want to whine to someone, they can choose a lot better outlets than random guys on AIM.

[whaywardj]

I've tried it and it doesn't work. I sent signals and then asked a girl out. The date didn't turn out very well and we haven't talked to each other for a while now.

Well, that's ONCE it didn't pan out. Guess that means it'll ALWAYS not pan out.

Bluesummer's comments are apt, I think. When it starts to sound like they're crying on your shoulder rather than confiding themselves to you, send them to their priests, or whatever. Just set yourself some boundries.

Or accept you're the friend zone on anything AIM and get out to broaden your horizons a little.

[Junsui]

That was only one time it didn't work out. So, you know these girls outside of AIM? Like some of the others said, it's ok to be a nice guy. Why do only end up talking to girls that are already in crappy relationships?

[blackiesharley]

Well, I sure know what you're talking about and I've had to work hard to overcome the 'nice guy' syndrome. Some good advice from the other posters but here's a few things I've learnedSome may sound harsh)

1- NO daytime dates. Days are for friends, night is for romance, at least at first. DON'T meet for coffee. Meet for a glass of wine. Coffee is for friends, alcohol is for romance. (Assuming their are no substance abuse issues with either party)

2- Listening to them whine is one thing, offering advice immediately puts you in the friend zone. Jokingly and with a smile, you can always say 'look, my rates for counseling are $100 an hour, payable in advance, the clock is ticking.'

3- Remember that women (and men as well) pretty much decide early on if it's friend or romance material. Once they decide that it's friend material it's a very hard syndrome to break, but not impossible. Look at it this way. You're a girl who's met you and likes you as a friend, but 'maybe' more. She leans and depends on you AS a friend and often times it happens that she fears that by escalating the relationship to 'something more' may eventually cause her to lose what she already has, a 'friend.' (The dreaded 'F' word that nobody likes to hear.)

4- Don't be too available and be sure to toss a little jealously into the mix. Maybe (very casually) mention another girl you've met. Avoid 'the friend' to a minor degree and make her wonder what you're up to. Having dinner with 'the friend?' Arrange to have a buddy call you on your cel at a certain time and pretend it's another girl. Remember no kid wants the toy that no other kid plays with, until some other kid plays with it. Human nature. Games? You bet. Necessary? Sure seems like it.'

5- Remember, there's NOTHING wrong with being a 'likeable' guy, but when it comes to being a 'nice' guy you can easily lose the battle. Very fine line to walk. Examples: All women love compliments, sure, but they hear them 1000 times a day from guys. Stay out of that catagory and be different. Don't compliment her shoes, ask her (with a smile) 'Were you having eye problems the day you bought those ugly-ass shoes?' Then laugh. It makes you different.

6- If you MUST have a daytime coffee/lunch (again lunches are for friends, dinners are for lovers) date and she's already let you know that you're only 'her friend' tell the waitress 'seperate checks please' when you order. Guys that will pick up her tab to get into her pants are a dime a dozen. A guy that makes the opposite gesture is unique and rare.

7- See a cute girl you like in a bar or club? DON'T go up and offer to buy her a drink. She'd be in the hospital with alcohol posioning if she accepted all the drinks guys had offered her that night. Ask HER to buy YOU a drink. Sound crazy? Yeah, but try it sometime just as a goof. You'll be amazed at the response. And if a girl asks you to dance, don't be sucked into it, OK, MAYBE one song. Better yet, politely say 'I don't dance, thanks.' They'll probably hang out with you to find out why. Let's face it, no straight man likes to dance, we only feel like we have to do it to get laid. Bullshit.

Like I said, none of this is PC but battlefield conditions require battlefield tactics.

[Lloyd95]

Ok so I may get flamed for this but oh well... There's a thread called "diggity's guide to dating" or something along those lines. You may find that beneficial to you, I'd check it out.

Ok so I found it...but I'm only talking about the guide itself...Not the posts afterwards!!!


[url]http://www.loveforum.net/t10369-diggitys-guide-to-successful-dating-for-men.html[/url]

WTF? Ban!!

[Rosebud]

That wasn't nice Lloyd! I was trying to make that thread useful!!!

[boobaa]

Hey guys, I'm new to the forums, I've been browsing it for tips and what not but I decided to register.
What I need help with is to minimize my amount of "friend zone" potential because whenever I become a friends with a chick I like I always get my ass handed off to the friend zone. The problem is pretty much that I talk with these girls on AIM and some crap like relationship problems with their other friends come up and I don't really know what to say and I usually end up comforting them.

What should I do in that situation, and is there any way to act flirty or what not on AIM? (Yeah yeah, you guys would probably tell me to stop using AIM and just go talk to them)

Be honest, man!

If I don't feel like feeling sorry for someone elses problems, I don't feel.

[mini696]

Stop trying to be someone you are not for starters.

You tried asking one girl out and got rejected... Now you think you are in the friends zone with all of them??

Ask one of your "girlfriends" to set you up.

[Tone]

Yeah, queerio.

Start by stop crying about it. Serious.