Being friends now - tough

[Journey]

OK. Some of you know about the 'journey' - thank you all. But for others, here it is. Tried to make it short.

Met a girl. Fell in love. 4 month relationship. Head over heels. Into the 5th month she was busy with work and school. The 6th month she had to return home (Brazil). The 7th month she's back but didn't contact me. The 8th month she calls me mid-month.

She tells me she wants to be friends because she met another guy just before she left for home (they met at end of month 5) and that she wants to pursue a relationship with him. I'm 30, she's 29. He's 42, divorced with 2 kids.

She's more practical - I don't want to say materialistic but maybe a bit. I'm more into feelings n stuff (input Journey lyrics here..)

I said to her that I wish her the best, that I just want her to be happy etc... After her asking, I said I would be friends.

Two weeks passed with nothing. Then she called and invited me for lunch - she brings her two girlfriends. She chose the place where we first met. It was hard. Her friends invited me out that night - I asked if she was going and she wasn't sure, but she said I should go because "there will be lots of pretty girls there". That hurt too.

It was a mistake for me to accept meeting her for lunch. It was painful walking away. I said that I would be friends with her basically not to burn my bridges - having the hope that one day we can get back together.

I can't think of her being with the other guy. I have not and cannot call her to do anything. Its been in her court since she told me about him.

If she continues to call me again to go out with her and her friends - I am busy. If I keep saying I am busy maybe she'll just stop calling and realize that I can't be friends - that its just too hard for me. Or should I just tell her? I don't want to close the door though. I love her. Journ.

[Tone]

Damn man.. =/

Like I told you before I think you need to just forget about her... I'd tell her - it's just too hard for me to be "just friends" with you since I care about you so much.

It sucks but you gotta move on, guy.

[TAVS]

Journey Rocks.

BTW, You need to distance yourself from her for your own good.

[Lloyd95]

Are her friends hot? If so, why not go out and have fun with them?

On another note: since she (your ex) is Brazilian, does she have a brazilian wax? Those are hot!

[misombra]

hey journ. i think maybe you should be honest with her. there's nothing wrong with telling her how you feel. tell her that it's probably best that she not call you for a little while, until your emotions have simmered down. then she'll know how you feel about her. i would tell her maybe to call if she thinks there could be a chance for you two and maybe, just maybe, you'll be available for her. If you keep talking to her now and hanging out she'll continue to say things that will hurt you. hope that helps.

[Journey]

hey journ. i think maybe you should be honest with her. there's nothing wrong with telling her how you feel. tell her that it's probably best that she not call you for a little while, until your emotions have simmered down. then she'll know how you feel about her. i would tell her maybe to call if she thinks there could be a chance for you two and maybe, just maybe, you'll be available for her. If you keep talking to her now and hanging out she'll continue to say things that will hurt you. hope that helps.

Yes that helps. Do you think I should just wait for her to call me again to hang out and then tell her over the phone that she should not call me in a while to let my emotions simmer down, or should I just go ahead and call her myself ? - telling her how it felt when I met with her and her friends for lunch the other day.

[misombra]

i think you should let her call you. that way she knows you're serious and you're not just in a mood or having a moment of thinking about it and being upset. when she calls just say, "hi there's something i want to tell you, don't take it the wrong way..." be careful of ultimatums... (if you don't like me like i like you then don't hang out with me.) make sure she knows what your intent really is, you know? just be straight up with her. any mature woman would respect your feelings. good luck journ, i know how hard it is but you'll feel better afterward. the ball will TRULY be in her court and you're not just standing around waiting for her to throw it, you know what i mean?

[Tone]

I agree with sombra (isn't she so sexy?)

[misombra]

I agree with sombra (isn't she so sexy?)

i agree with this post.

(here we stand worlds apart hearts broken in TWO, two, twooooooo...)

[Journey]

i agree with this post.

(here we stand worlds apart hearts broken in TWO, two, twooooooo...)

(...sleepless nights.. losing ground on reachin for YOU, you, youuuu... )

Nice Misombra! Thank you.

[shh!]

Everyone loves misombra.

[misombra]

aw you guys are awesome. let us know how it goes journ...

[Bluevetteracer]

Dude, this is tough, everyone has been were you are at.

Here is the deal, she left you, to pursue someone else, has declared her intentions to be just friends, and you still love her.

Step down, accept her friendship, and maybe she can get you an in with one of her friends someday.

You don't want her back anyway, she left you to up-grade, and by taking her back, you are saying to yourself and her, "Yeah, I'll play second string, and be your back-up plan".

Find someone that thinks you are there #1.

I have been right where you are, and it sucks, but how you deal with this, and act will be the only thing you look back on 10 years from now and care about.

I would accept it is over, and accept her friendship. Women are great for setting each other up.

[whaywardj]

Wait a minnit! How is letting my ex-now-friend set me up with one her girlfriends any different from my not being somebody's #1? I'd just be getting passed down the line as her left-overs. I hear a lot of sizzle in your advice, Vette, but I don't see very much steak.

[Journey]

...I would accept it is over, and accept her friendship. Women are great for setting each other up.[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure I could go out with one of her friends. It would still be painful for me if we all went out as a group. I'd still want her, and I'd also feel like I was handed off like day-old bread or something. Maybe by introducing me to her friends she was trying to ease the pain - but it only made it worse - re-enforcing that it was just 'friends'. I don't get it - me and her friends are all in the 25 to 30 age range, and her new guy is just an odd ball - 42,divorced with 2 kids.