Did I do the right thing?

[Doopy]

Me and my Ex dated for almost 4 years. I was 17 when I met her and she was 15.

She then went off to college (she chose to go here, within 10minutes from me) and live at her house still.

The first 2 months were great and me supporting her while she met new friends. Well we had a rough time and broke it off for a week...mostly on my end.

We got back together after that week and things were going fine but then got worse again. I felt like a side.

I realize there was nothing I could do because she just kept saying "I don't know what I want. I need space. I don't want to be in a relationship for a very long time". So after I heard all this it took me a couple days to realize that the best thing to do for both of us would be to cut all contact. I did that night and she showed no emotion (over the phone) and sounded like she wanted to get off the phone.

So now that contact was cut I had the worst time of the life over the course of the next couple of days (bad dreams, crying, ect).

After the 4th day of no contact she sent me 2 text messages saying she she knows I won't reply but she hasn't done anything she will regret or that would have hurt me. She said she loved and cared for me very deeply.

I ignored these text messages and waited for 4 more days to pass until I contacted her with a reply. It was short.

We met up and talked (I mostly told her I was going back to school and getting an apartment about 20-25minutes from here)

After that night she started crying when we said goodbye. The next morning she left me a note with a bag of candy (since we didn't spend halloween together). The note basically said she regretted hurting me and not being there for me. She loved me incredibly much and she would do anything to make the relationship better. She said she wanted another 4 years with me and would do anything for that.

I took the note and it brought back a lot of feelings. We hung out over the course of the next couple of days...I was a mess (crying infront of her at some points because I felt confused since she hurt me so much before).

Yesterday I cut all contact with her again. The reason I did this was because I asked her what she looked at us now as...she said "we are together". I said so we are boyfriend and girlfriend? She said "no we are just together". She said I want to take things slow an I'm not sure how it's going to work out with you moving.

This is where I got confused. If she kept saying I was her everything and she loved me so much...wouldn't I be worth the risk? She said she wanted a relationship (basically begging) 2 days ago. Now she didn't? It felt like a bunch of games

We hugged and kissed more than ever over the past 2 days saying how much we loved each other but in the end it felt to me like she was still confused. She said 1 thing 2 days ago and then acted another way. "I don't want to put the label of us as boyfriend and girlfriend yet". If people ask I'll tell them we are together she said. Why not put the label on it then if that would make me feel better?

I am confused. She came running back to me after 4 days of no contact wanting a relationship but then said otherwise when I had open arms..."she wanted to take things slow but looked at us as together but not boyfriend and girlfriend".


I'll stop typing now. Did I do the right thing by cutting all contact again?

Yes I still love her an I truely believe she loves me but she is confused. She said I wasn't a door mat but that's what I felt like.

The reason I believe this happened was because of her lifestyle change with college (all of the new friends).

[Lloyd95]

The next morning she left me a note with a bag of candy

What kind of candy? Chocolate? I love chocolate. Snickers and Kit-Kat's are my favorite.

[Doopy]

What kind of candy? Chocolate? I love chocolate. Snickers and Kit-Kat's are my favorite.

A whole box of swedish fish
10 snickers
10 milky ways
10 reeses
10 twix
10 crunch

[Rosebud]

Wait a minute, you already posted this somewhere else!!! And you got replies on that one as well.

[Junsui]

That is an excellent question Lloyd!

[Lloyd95]

Yum; I likw Crunch bars too. I say keep her.

(what was your question again?)

[shh!]

Wait a minute, you already posted this somewhere else!!! And you got replies on that one as well.

I think he deleted that thread...

[Doopy]

Wait a minute, you already posted this somewhere else!!! And you got replies on that one as well.

I posted about a 40 page thing I put all together

I deleted that for confusion and posted this way shorter version

Sorry

[Rosebud]

Ok, I didn't realize you could delete the whole thread!! Sorry about that, I just new I read this somewhere else and there was responses to it.

[Doopy]

I'm so confused.

She told me she didn't do anything for Halloween a day after she wrote me a letter expressing her feelings for me deeply. I just found out (from seeing a picture) she was with her friends at the dorms in a pretty revealing outfit.

How could you lie to someone like that?

Should I call her up and confront her or just keep the no contact thing?

[Doopy]

Well I called her up and confronted her. Of course my imagination ran wild with ideas but she gave me a straight up answer.

We talked for about and hour. She doesn't want the no contact thing but she also doesn't want a boyfriend right now...there's not point for me to talk to her only to get hurt in the future.

She said she doesn't want a relationship right now because for over 3 years she has been in one and right now she needs to find herself independently in college.

I feel good about the no contact thing this time. It was more mutual.

I guess we do both need it to get our lives straightened out. She said stuff about the future but I know those are just words.

She kept saying she loved and cared for me deeply. I find it hard to believe since she knew she was going to lose me but yet didn't want me as a boyfriend.

She said she wasn't looking for another boyfriend right now, just trying to find herself with what she wants to do with her life. I was the best boyfriend she will probably ever have (then why would you want to lose me?).

I told her not to regret anything then wished her the best for the holidays and said I love you goodbye.


I hope I did the right thing. It feels right.

She really didn't want to cut it off. She didn't want me as a friend but something more yet not be my girlfriend. It made no sense to me.

This whole thing has been a big surprise. We had a great relationship (in every aspect). College has really changed her and she doesn't even live on campus! She is so confused now.

Time to move on with life. There will always be that part of me that cares for her (first love).

I hope she does well in life

[Junsui]

Good for you. Cutting all contact is the best thing to do now. Go enjoy your life!

[misombra]

she's young and she wants to do her own thing. best thing is to let her go.

[mhussain]

is it that most of the time its girls who get suffocated in a relationship and want space? ro do men too want it?

Hussain

[shh!]

I think when men want "space" they just fool around behind your back, but when women want space, they break things off. (Not ALWAYS, but generally.)