long distance relationship

[ReneeA]

Hey guys...I need a little help here.
I went to Jamaica one year ago and met this guy who was my platonic friend 99% of the time i was there. We are both from Canada and we were basically each other's shoulder to cry on and best friends. I was there for 10 months but about 2 months before i left, we confessed that we had feelings for each other. We realized during our friendship that we had many similar views on many of lifes topics and so many things fell into place afterward. What can I say, we have a genuine connection. But...he has a girlfriend who's he's been with for 6 years and they've been engaged for awhile, but the relationship was not doing well. We basically decided that we're the ones for each other and we want to build on that. I'm 20 and he's 26. There is a catch. He's deported. So, needless to say he can't come back for another 3 years or so and his girlfriend has been helping him to come back ie immigration and all that stuff. She still visits him even though he has told her about me. Well, she's there right now and he's been reassuring her that he and I are over. Which entails him calling me and telling me that he doesn't love me etc, and hang ups, and phone calls with her on the phone. You know how that goes. He did tell me before she came that he'd be trying to convince her that we're not together. But he hasn't even made an effort to contact me and tell me that he still loves me and he should know how much it's hurting me. This has been going on for a week now. I'm afraid that they might rekindle the flame between them. I'm wondering whether i should just leave him alone and hope that he comes back to me when he can or, continue to stay in contact with him and help him in anyway that i can at the risk of being left flat on my face down the road. Any sound advice that you can give would be much appreciated!

[TAVS]

Sounds like a reall winnner. Don't let that one get away. I'll give your LD relationship a big thumbs up.

[Junsui]

Seriously? Leave him alone and hope he doesn't try to contact you. Why are you wasting your time with him?

[Lloyd95]

Ditto; you can't find a guy who doesn't have a fiancee but does have a valid green card?

[Tone]

Sounds like a reall winnner. Don't let that one get away. I'll give your LD relationship a big thumbs up.

I agree with what TAVS sarcasm is trying to say.

Honestly, move on. Very few people are actually worth having a long distance relationship with (in my mind, long distance will never work) and this guy definately isn't worth it.

Forget him.

[blackiesharley]

I agree with what TAVS sarcasm is trying to say.

(in my mind, long distance will never work)
Forget him.

Tone, although I agree that she should dump this guy, for the first time I have to (respectfully) disagree with you (we always seem to see eye-to-eye on everything) that L/D relationships can't work. I've seen them work successfully, I'm in a really weird situation that I'm not even gonna bother posting for fear of either boring everybody or jinxing it.

I think the trick in L/D is this. Very early on, one of the two parties have to conceed that IF things go forward, they will relocate. While there are legitimate reasons that people can't pick up and move, IE, kids, families, jobs, etc, a L/D relationship can drag on for a very long time to the frustration of all those involved.

I also think that the downside is that it's easy to smother (see my other post) someone with phone calls, emails, etc in a L/D R/S. If you know your honey's a few miles away and you're plannng a romantic dinner together in a couple of nights, no problem, I look forward to it. If they're 800 miles away, the telephone is the only thing that can make up the slack for the lack of physical togetherness.

Just sayin'

[Tone]

aha! Now I will put things right by saying I AGREE with you, blackie!

You're right, I think it can work (see: Debunkt). But in my mind, they cannot - I say that in reference to me personally. I need that physicality of a relationship, to be able to see them, hug them, kiss them, etc. Being physical is a big thing to me, so it would be extremely difficult for me to ever be in anything Long distance.

But under your conditions (planning on someone moving if things move forward, the means to have regular visits, etc) I could maybe see it working out.

But yeah, sorry to disappoint in our first ever disagreeance - but really I do agree with you ;p

[TAVS]

aha! Now I will put things right by saying I AGREE with you, blackie!

You're right, I think it can work (see: Debunkt).

*whistle* Flag on the Play. Debunkt hasn't proven anything yet.

[Junsui]

I wouldn't want to be in a long distance relationship either. It's too tough for me. I'm like you Tone.

[Rosebud]

Yeah, I could not handle that at all. Damn I went nuts when my bf left for 3 weeks for work in a differnet state? I can't imagine dealing with that on a daily basis.

ANd I would say let this guy go, he sounds like a real loser. Especially if he's telling you he's going to lie to his girlfriend about you guys, obviously he doesn't want to leave her. I'm sure you can find another guy that is single and that can dedicate themselves to you!

[Debunkt]

*whistle* Flag on the Play. Debunkt hasn't proven anything yet.

I don't have to prove anything. I'm happy.

[Debunkt]

double post:

And as for this topic, you got played. And that guys a dick.

[blackiesharley]

aha! Now I will put things right by saying I AGREE with you, blackie!

But yeah, sorry to disappoint in our first ever disagreeance - but really I do agree with you ;p

No real disagreeance at all Tone, even if it were, that's fine, hell, I argue with my best friends and family all the time. It's almost become a sport. LOL!

It would be pretty boring around here and of no usefull purpose to this forum if everybody always had the same opinion! (Respectfully of course)

Have a great night!

Blackie

[bluesummer]

Sorry my dear, but this whole relationship is a waste of time.
Seriously. There are far too many huge issues rolled into one here to make any of this worthwhile to you. Let it go....I know it's totally cliche, but there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Without fiancees.

[ReneeA]

Well, I have taken the responses into consideration and really it wasn't anything i haven't thought about before. I did need an outsiders perspective(s) to clarify things and they did. I have to say that i don't doubt for a minute that he loves me. Why? Well, only I know the dynamics of our relationship and the connection, so that part really can't be explained. But, I get that even though he and his fiancee (or whatever) are having serious issues, i doubt that he'll be leaving her anytime soon. I'm not holding my breath, and nothing happens before its time. I've also realized that if it is "meant to be" then everything will work out. What can i say, I love the guy, which means that if she's for him and he's happy, then so be it. As for me, if this connection was that deep and undeniably a strange one, and it doesn't work out, then I only have better to look forward to. thnx to those who gave sound advice.